Chapter 14
The truth revealed
“Cara,” Rick growls my name, making me jump in my seat. “Now. We’re running out of time.”
“I don’t know where to start,” I admit honestly.
“The best place to start is usually the beginning.” He sighs.
“All right,” I tell him. “Then let’s go back nine years.”
“Okay,” he says, his eyes snapping to meet mine, and his spine is now ramrod straight. “When? Nine years ago, be specific.”
“March,” I say with a sigh. “When you were deployed.”
“What happened?” It’s like he can barely force out the words, even though he needs to with every breath in his body. He needs to know what happened. Why our daughter was taken, why I left him with no forwarding address, why our lives derailed wholeheartedly, Rick needs to know everything. “Tell me.”
“I had been feeling a little sick for a while, and finally that morning, I had my suspicions about what it was,” I begin my sad tale of how we lost everything.
“Was everything all right? You’re not sick now, are you?” he asks. I can hear the concern for me in his voice. Even after all this time, after everything, Rick still cares for me. It both elates me and rips open my heart.
“It was,” I tell him. “I threw on a pair of leggings and your sweatshirt and ran down to the PX on the corner. I bought the pregnancy test and then hurried home again. I didn’t even read the directions. I just popped the cap, peed, and waited. I need you to know how excited I was to find out we were pregnant.”
“Okay,” he says without any hesitation. “I believe you. What happened next?”
“I took a shower and put on real clothes,” I say, getting lost in the memory of what was the worst day of my life—that is, until today. “I grabbed my purse and jumped in the car. I headed to the Target that wasn’t too far from the apartment. We needed milk and cereal. It was the only thing I could keep down in the mornings. Not to mention, I wanted that baby book everyone raves about and some prenatal vitamins. I remember thinking those vitamins were so fucking important.”
“What happened next?”
“I picked up my vitamins and the book and then…” I have to pause and take a breath. It hurts so much to remember.
“And then?”
“And then I let myself walk through the baby section. I picked up the cutest pair of baby socks with little anchors on the ankles. And a baby blanket that—”
“Matches,” Rick interrupts me. I can see his wheels turning. “Rachel still sleeps with it.”
“She does.” I smile sadly at him. “I bought them for you. I was so proud of you, and I wanted our baby to have that too, boy or girl.”
“You really did tell her about me her whole life,” he says like it’s all suddenly clicking into place and he finally believes me at face value.
“Yes.”
“Then what went so fucking wrong?” he asks as he stabs his fingers through his hair. His frustration that our lives were not ours to control is obvious. And I get it. It’s a tough conclusion to come to. I’ve had years to adjust; Rick is just now learning about all of the dirty details.
“I went to the grocery section and picked up a big box of Cheerios. And then I headed to the dairy case. I was just reaching for a quart of milk when my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number and thought it might have been you. I was so excited to tell you about the baby. You had thought you’d be able to call that day, and you were always messing up the time difference.”
“I was the worst.” He laughs.
“You really were.” I smile at him. “But when I answered, there were some weird pops and beeps I didn’t understand. I almost hung up, but then this weird robotic voice came on. He told me that he was sending me some photos and that I needed to look at them.”
“Did you?”
“Yes,” I answer.
“What were they of?”
“You.”
