Even the idea of going back out there makes my stomach turn. I can’t handle it. I know I can’t. I can’t go back there and watch them all watching me, so I turn back to the bed and climb in. The pillows smell like Rick’s aftershave, and I pull one into my chest and hold it tight, because in my heart of hearts, I know holding him again isn’t an option. We can’t keep lying to each other the way we were. It hurts too much. We’re going to have to figure out the co-parenting thing when we get Rachel back, but after that, no.
Was Captain Black ever a bad guy, or was it just another opportunity to keep an eye on me?
I pull the covers over my head just in time for the first sob to bubble up to the surface. It hurts so much. Loving someone shouldn’t hurt.
I hold my breath when I hear footsteps on the stairs. I don’t want anyone to bother me. I can’t bear to face them right now. Maybe not ever.
The doorknob rattles.
“It’s locked,” I hear Grace whisper followed by a light knock on the door.
“Honey, are you all right?” Rick asks softly. His tone makes me feel like he cares, but in my head and in my heart, I know it’s a lie. I don’t need Maury Povich to open the results to know he’s full of shit.
I don’t answer them.
“Do you think she’s all right?” Grace asks him.
“She’ll be fine,” he answers tersely. “She’s probably just sleeping. It was a late night last night.”
“But don’t you think we should have told her…” Grace’s voice trails off.
“Absolutely not,” Rick says. “She has enough on her mind.”
Oh, I have plenty on my mind. I want to throw open the door and tell them both what a bag of dicks they all are for keeping shit from me. Making me trust them when they never trusted me. But I don’t.
“But Rick—”
“Just leave it alone,” he snaps.
A short while later, I hear their footsteps retreat down the stairs where I’m left with my thoughts. I wonder if I got Grace alone if she’d admit to me what’s really going on. Or has she been suitably warded from doing so by Rick and his merry band of asshole buddies. It sucks when the man who wants to keep you in the dark is the same one who is friends with some of the most powerful people in the world.
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I wonder if I could sneak down the stairs and get her attention before everyone else noticed me. Could I separate her from the group and get some much-needed information out of her?
But I don’t get to put my plan into motion, because my phone rings.
And when I answer it, everything changes.
