Yes. I trust her. And if I’m being honest with myself, I’m falling for her too. It might have only been two weeks since she crashed into my life—or more accurately, I crashed into hers—but I know with all that I am that I not only trust her with my life, but also my heart. After years of bouncing from one warm bed to the next, I fell for a sexy fighter pilot I never saw coming in the blink of an eye and I couldn’t be happier about it.
And when I think back on it, she told me about her family, not outright, but enough I could have guessed. She said she had an older brother and sister who were both marines. She didn’t tell me her brother was the current president’s right-hand man, but their last name also isn’t a secret. She mentioned he had kids too, but I know from the news that Ryan Black lives a very private personal life, or at least he did until he married the press secretary amidst a sex tape scandal. Before then, it was rare to see pictures in the media of his kids or his ex-wife. I also know that both her father and grandfather are war heroes serving in Desert Storm and Vietnam respectively. And her older sister is also a pilot but not F-35s like her kid sister, and she’s on the short list for the next NASA candidates.
Can I fault them for wanting privacy? For whatever reason? No. The truth is MacKenzie and I have only known each other a couple short weeks. And in that time, I’ve learned she’s shy and skittish in her personal life, but bold and daring in the air. She’s honest and honorable, trustworthy and kind.
“Yes,” I answer honestly, letting the veracity of my answer show on my face.
“That’s good enough for me,” Cole says. “I can see you’ve got some things on your mind. I’ll let you get to them.”
“Thanks,” I reply absentmindedly. Now that I’ve realized my feelings for the wary marine, I have to get her onboard. Too bad that’s going to be just as hard as it sounds like it will be. I don’t get the feeling that someone burned her along the way, but I do know that she’s worried about being in a committed relationship when she leaves. If anyone can handle a job as tough as that one, it’s a SEAL, right?
“I hear she’s preparing to deploy,” Cole says casually, and I snap my head back around to look him over again.
“Is there anything you don’t know?” I ask instead of answer.
“No,” he says with a smile. “You’re learning though.”
“Yeah, she leaves in a few weeks.”
“Bring her around for dinner before she leaves,” he tells me, and then he turns on his heel and goes back the way we came.
I stand there staring at the ocean and wonder how I should proceed with MacKenzie. I know she’s scared. I also know I’m not done with her, that I might never have my fill of her—I need her scent on my skin, her taste on my tongue, and her in my life for as long as it lasts—and I’m totally okay with it.
She makes me feel like no woman ever has before. I’m not falling in love with her; I’ve already fallen. But I can’t tell her yet, because I know in my gut that if I do, she will run. I’ll chase her if she does, but I’d rather ease her into loving me instead. I won’t say the words, but I’ll show her my feelings and my heart in everything I do. And after she comes home from her deployment, I’ll make her mine for real. What could happen in a couple of months anyway?
The sun has gone down behind the ocean that I love so much, and it’s time to get to my girl. I walk back up the path, climb into my truck, and make my way to Mack’s house. I might not be ready to share my feelings with her yet, but it’s time to get on the same page with a few things.
Chapter Eight
MacKenzie
Truth or dare
Butterflies. They don’t just flit about in my belly;they’re swarming all over. I feel a buzz, like I’ve touched an electric fence, as the doorbell rings. It’s a little exhilarating, but it’s also a little painful.
I’m not wholly sure what these feelings I’m having for Kyle are, and I’m also not sure I want them. And if I believe that, I’m sure there’s some oceanfront property I could spend my life savings on in Arizona, as King George has previously proclaimed.
I have…feelings for him.
There. I said it.
I’m falling for Kyle Garrett. And I still haven’t told him the truth about who I am and my family. It’s not that I’m ashamed of them, but I like to keep my life private, and my family likes to be kept private due to their high-profile careers and families. I have always wanted my victories to be mine and not because of who my brother or father are. It’s ironic that I’ve never cared enough about a man to want to share my life and where I come from with them before, and now that I do, I’ve probably lied so much that he won’t want to stay. What a catch-22. I’m not actually sure how to proceed. I feel stunted. I’ve had boyfriends and lovers before, but they were few and far between. It never bothered me before, and honestly, I didn’t care one way or another. But now, I don’t have the experience to know what the correct path to take is.
Not to mention a relationship with him can cost me my career. One of us would have to leave the military, and I’m not sure I could let him sacrifice his career or let our actions taint mine. In the end, one of us would grow to resent the other, turning the possibility of what we could have together—the beauty of it all—into something ugly and unhealthy.
Shit. Tears clog the back of my throat because I know that I’m going to have to let him go. In the end, it’s the right thing to do whether I want to or not. It’s better to have what we have right now, instead of breaking something precious and delicate in the palms of our hands.
I pull open the front door and see Kyle standing there. He’s so handsome that he takes my breath away. I want him so badly, the way he tempts me with the promise of things I’ve never thought were possible before, even though I know in my gut that I’m headed for a crash.
But am I? I can’t help but think that by being so closed off, I’ve ruined everything. Will he understand? Will he forgive me? I know I didn’t lie outright, but a lie by omission is still a lie, right? But no, there are still huge barriers past my lies of omission. Ones that I’m not sure we could overcome even if we wanted to. It… hurts to know that I’ve finally found someone that I want to be a partner to, grow with and love, someone who understands me and my career, and still, I can’t have them.
“Hi,” he greets, pulling me out of my own head and I shake away my sad thoughts. I just have to get through tonight and then I can pick up the pieces tomorrow.
“Hi,” I say back. I’m still standing in the doorway, hugging the thin edge of the wood panel as I let my eyes trail over every inch of the man who is quickly coming to mean so much to me.
“Can I come in?” Kyle asks, and I realize I’m blocking the entrance to my home.
“Of course,” I reply quickly, stepping back so he can enter. “Come on in.”
