“No,” I reply. “This is exactly where I want to be.”
“I don’t want you here.”
“You can’t mean that,” I say, and I know I sound wounded, because I fucking am. After everything we’ve been through, she wants to cut me out just like that? Doesn’t she know that I’m in love with her? That I can’t live without her and I don’t want to even try.
“I don’t love you, Kyle,” she whispers.
“You’re lying,” I bite out but then again, didn’t she do just the same thing the night before she left? Didn’t she try and show me that this was exactly what she wanted?
“I’m not lying.” She twists the knife in my heart even deeper. “I’m not. Just…just go.”
Suddenly, I can’t get out of there fast enough. All the times I was upset that I hadn’t told her I loved her, when I thought she just needed more time and everything would be okay, that we would be okay, it was all bullshit, because while I was pining away for her, she never loved me at all.
I nod in her direction and then walk back through the front door, letting it slam behind me. It shudders on its hinges before settling and the noise echoes through the block. Hooter and Cinco are on their way in with a bag full of takeout. Again, she’s letting them in and not me—another sign she didn’t give a shit. All I felt for her, and just…nothing. She didn’t feel the first thing for me.
“Hey, man,” Cinco says warily. “Long time, no see.”
“Yeah,” I reply, and I want out of here. I don’t want to stand here on her doorstep and shoot the shit with her friends like a lovesick little bitch. They know. They have to know—even with everything I went through to get her back, and how much I love her—that she was just going through the motions the whole time.
“You coming back?” he asks me.
“No,” I say after a moment. “I’m not coming back.”
“Tomorrow then?” he asks and I can’t help but wonder why he would think that I’d be back. Maybe they think I’m a glutton for punishment. Maybe they think it’s all a joke, how much I love her when she never loved me. I just don’t know anything anymore.
“No,” I say and then take a deep breath. “Not ever. Take care of her, okay?”
“That’s it?” Hooter prompts. He looks pissed and I don’t understand why. I always felt like he had feelings for her, so why he’s mad now, I don’t understand.
“Yeah, man, that’s it.” I take another step down the path toward my truck when his words stop me in my tracks.
“You’re just going to walk away?” he asks, and I can tell he’s pissed. I guess maybe I get it, too. He probably thinks I’m walking out on her. That the going got tough and I got going. “Just like that?”
“She doesn’t want me,” I blurt out and then slam my eyes shut. God, how much more pathetic can I get?
“You’re an idiot,” he says, shaking his head.
I am. I’ve been mooning for months over a woman who doesn’t return my feelings for her and never did. I should have listened to her when she wanted to talk before she left. Instead, I just steamrolled her right into a relationship that she never wanted.
“No, I’m not. Look, she doesn’t love me. She doesn’t want me,” I admit and it’s like a knife to my heart. “I have been calling and coming by, and nothing. I can’t make her love me like I love her.”
“A fucking idiot,” he mutters shaking his head. How much more abuse do I need to take from these two? Can’t they see that my heart is in tatters? That I’m hanging on by a fucking thread. What more do they want from me?
“Would you shut up!” I snap. I can’t take it anymore and I won’t. It’s time I figured out what to do with my life and that search is going to start at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey.
“She’s in love with you,” he says sadly. “I’ve been in love with her for years. She’s never once intimated that she felt the same way. And when she met you, we could all see it was different. You were a game changer, so I was happy to sit back and watch a good friend find a man who would love and appreciate her for her, like I would if given the chance.”
“It’s not like that,” I murmur lamely. I don’t know why he’s fighting me so hard. He should be happy. I’m out of his way and he can make moves on her. She’d clearly be more receptive to him than to me.
“Isn’t it though?” he asks me, but before I can answer, he says, “She’s beautiful, and she’s broken, but still there’s a lot there to love. If you walk out on her now, Cinco and I are going to put in the work to put the pieces of Mack back together, but it won’t be for your benefit. When she’s ready, I’m moving in.”
And there it is. What I’ve always known, that when given the chance he’ll move in on my woman. Well it’s good to know that he wasn't a friend after all.
“Fuck you,” I bite out caustically. I can’t believe the balls he has to rub my face in his win and my heartbreak.
“You could have her still,” he adds sadly. “I’ll step aside if you walk back in that house right now, but I can already tell you’re not going to, so I’m just telling you how I feel. It was nice knowing you. I really mean that.”
I have no idea what to make of that. Could he really mean it? That he’d step aside so that she could be happy with me? I doubt it. It was all a lie to make me feel like shit. Like I could sink any lower because don’t they know I’m already at rock bottom?
