Lord Silas shifts his weight from one foot to the other. We both catch the movement in our peripheral. “Uncle, we are going to head off for a walk.Alone.” I watch as lightning flashes in Lord Silas’ eyes, his displeasure at being dismissed clear.
“Very well. Enjoy your walk.” His tone is dripping with disdain.Good. Get used to it, Lord Silas. I found my backbone, and Marcellus ismymate; I won’t let you get in the way of us building our bond.
With Silas gone, I take a deep, cleansing breath and smile at Marcellus. His return smile causes his eyes to sparkle, although it may just be the sunlight. He takes a step back unexpectedly, resulting in our arms being stretched out. Before I can take a step to follow him, he bows and places a soft kiss on my hand.
“Your Highness, it is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Marcellus, and I would very much enjoy the opportunity to get to know you.” I giggle at the unexpected show he’s putting on.
“What are you doing, Marcellus? We’ve already met!” I know what he’s doing, but I want to see what his answer will be.
“Oh, my darling. Isn’t it clear? I’m having us start over. I never should have let my uncle act the way he has, much less for days. I’m ashamed I let the shock of the situation get the better of me. I never should have let him treat you that way. Now let’s start over! My name is Marcellus, and I am but your humble suitor. Please, fair maiden, honor me with a bit of your time.” He’s now down on one knee, holding one of my hands in a placating gesture. This version of Marcellus is so different from the past few days. I’m glad he got over the shock, although I’m puzzled as to why he says it’s a shock. Maybe this new version is due to him having a similar experience as I had this morning reminding him of who he is.
“Marcellus! Stop it. My mate does not need to kneel in front of me, ever! Come on, get up.” His eyes widen in surprise hearing me say I don’t want him kneeling for me. I pull on his arm while laughing, trying to get him back on his feet.
“Ah, I've been promoted from suitor to mate, huh? I won’t stand until you agree we’re starting over…not wanting me to kneel isn’t something I expected you to say.” The last part he says in a softer voice, more like he was talking to himself than to me.
“Ok, yes, yes. We can start over. It’s nice to meet you, Marcellus. You may call me Cecily.” He finally stands up, but still holds my hand, and pulls me closer to him until we’re again standing so close, the slightest movement will have us touching. Then he says to me, “I could call you Cecily, but I liked the sound of ‘Darling’ just now and I’m afraid it might just stay.”
All thoughts on what I was going to say next disappear. All my mind can focus on is how close he is and his intoxicating spearmint scent. He peers into my eyes as if he’s searching for something, then glances down to my lips before bringing his eyes back up. He appears just as distracted as I am.
His attention, however brief on my lips, causes me to wet them with my tongue. The small lick causes his eyes to glance back down at them, making me take a sharp breath. Is he thinking about kissing me? Nervousness makes me lick them again before biting my bottom lip. I crave for him to close the remaining distance between us.
Marcellus takes a sharp inhale, then shakes his head like I do when I’m trying to get my thoughts back in line. I watch as the sparkle in his eyes ices over, and he asks, “Are you ready for that walk in the garden now?” Disappointment douses my anticipation with the change I watch come over him. I hope the new Marcellus wasn’t just a fluke.
I give him a nod, which is all the answer he needs. He pulls away from me and the world around us comes back into focus immediately. I glance around to see who may have caught our moment but I don’t see anyone around. It appears we exited the castle through a side entrance, and this yard is empty of people. We walk around the castle to the back, and the gardens quickly come into view.
The garden beds are well cared for, not a weed in sight. There are all kinds of vegetables and herbs. Very practical, but there isn’t very much color. It’s not like it’s a flower garden like the one at my castle. I’m still thankful for the chance to be outside in the sun though. We walk hand-in-hand up and down the aisles in comfortable silence, unlike our previous moments where the silence felt awkward and strained.
At the back of the garden, right in front of the wall surrounding the small castle, is a bench that he walks me to after we’ve strolled down all the rows in the garden. We sit down next to each other, and I stare out over the grounds and the black castle. The scent of freshly trimmed rosemary fills the air around us. I cross my ankles as I watch some bees buzz around through the few tiny white flowers growing on the basil and the bigger chamomile flowers planted in an adjacent bed right in front of us.
“So, a Princess, huh? What’s that like?” Marcellus finally asks, breaking the silence. I wasn’t studying him when he asked, but from the corner of my eye it almost looked like he had a sneer on his face when he said it. I peer over at him but his face is neutral, and at my movement he looks back at me. Huh… I must be mistaken.
“After the speech you gave me, this is the first question you ask? Don’t worry, just about everyone uses that one, I won’t judge you too harshly for asking it.” I give him a wink to make sure he knows I’m joking. “Seeing as you're my mate, I’ll give you the most honest answer I've ever given anyone... It’s dreadfully lonely.” I sigh with my admission, thinking through how I can explain being lonely even while I’m constantly surrounded.
“Everyone I encounter is never truly genuine. They always either want something from me, or fear repercussions for acting the wrong way. I spend every moment learning different aspects of my position. My days are scheduled from the second I wake until I lay down at the end of the night. Sometimes even my use of the chamber pot is planned. I never get a moment to myself to do what I want. I’m not even sure I know my own desires anymore. Some days it’s just endlessly exhausting.”
I fiddle with my fingers as I continue to ponder the truth of my words. This is an opportunity to be honest not just with my mate, but with myself. "Sometimes I believe I'm a charlatan. I wear a mask, exemplifying the person they expect to see, not who I really am. I'm required to hide all emotions, Alphas rarely give women the respect they deserve, and when they do, they expect her to remain a fierce warrior. Weakness is a vulnerability and a luxury I can never show, for it would never be forgotten. I'm afraid I appear nonchalant and even cold when deep down I feel nothing of the sort.”
Marcellus has an expression of reluctant surprise. I don’t think it’s about me, most likely it’s about himself, like he can’t believe he finds me relatable. “I suppose you’re used to everyone making judgments about what your life is like without ever taking the time to get to know you. See, I didn’t ask such a silly question,” he replies while bumping into my shoulder. “I know what it’s like to be lonely. My uncle prefers I keep my distance from everyone here. The only time I’m ever around anyone other than him is when I’m training with his soldiers in the yard. Sure, he has me lead the soldiers, but he doesn’t allow me to develop friendships with any of them, and they’re all loyal to him.”
“But that's just how things are when you’re staying with your uncle, right?” I ask him, trying to piece everything together in my mind.
A bitter laugh comes out of him before he says, “Yeah, I guess you can say that.” I gaze up at the castle in front of us and see the man we’re talking about staring down at us. He’s standing in the only window with a view of where we are. Pure fury written all over his face.
“Is that why you enjoy training so much? When I saw you in the courtyard the day I arrived, it appeared you were enjoying it immensely.” I don’t understand why he has to spend so much time with his uncle when he’s obviously unhappy here.
“When I train, it’s like I’m able to connect to a part of me that has been missing my whole life. I’m never quite able to grasp onto that missing piece, as if it’s just beyond the tips of my fingers. But when I’m training, it’s the closest I’ve come to holding on to it. Most are surprised I don’t complain about my training schedule, but during that time is when I’m most at peace with my life. I suppose I’m lucky I enjoy the only thing I’m allowed to do.” His words cause my heart to break for him. I only hope that someday I can help him find the missing piece.
“I’m glad you find such joy in something to which you are duty-bound. I bet it’s also nice to have a reason to spend so much time outside. You know… because the inside of the castle is so dark.” Just thinking about having to go back inside the castle at some point makes me shiver.
“Yeah, I hate it in there. Being inside that castle is like wading through a tar pit. And the negativity swarming around in there clings to you like wet mud, it’s oppressive to say the least. But it’s also all I know.” He runs his hand over his face in a movement that looks like he’s trying to wipe off the imaginary mud he was just talking about.
“What do you mean, it’s all you know? Don't you spend most of your time with your parents?” I shift to face him. I swear the more I talk to him, the more it sounds like he’s never spent any time with his parents. The day I arrived, I’d asked him about his parents and Silas had interrupted.
“No. I've lived here my whole life. My uncle doesn’t even let me travel. Someday I’ll see more of the world though. Just have to bide my time.” He sighs and gazes off in the direction where the main entrance is to the village.
“Well, he must let you travel some. I remember having met you at my home when we were younger.” I mean, it’s a vague memory, and I can’t recall any details, but I know all four Alpha leaders bring their family when they come sometimes.
“Nope. You must be remembering someone else.” He boops me on the tip of my nose with one of his fingers. Hmmm, I suppose it’s possible I’m misremembering the details. I could have sworn we met before…
