With little thought, I whisper a plea into his ear, “Keep him away! Please, help me!” The sobs I’ve been holding back break like a dam, tears streaming down my face. I bury my head in his neck, trying to hide my weakness from them with the added benefit of blocking out any vision of Marcus. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is another phrase I’ve heard a lot. Again, I find I don’t agree with it, because I can’t get Marcus’ face out of my mind. Or the haunting sensation of the knife as it slid across my throat, the way my blood tickled my skin as it made its downward descent to the floor.
Oh Fates, I can’t stop thinking about it. The sound of cloth ripping reaches me, then footsteps leading away. I can’t be sure without risking a peek, but I think it was Marcus who left. It’s my hope anyway. Derrick rubs soothing circles into my back with one of his hands and squeezes me in a little closer with the other. I sniffle and hiccup on my next sob.
I’m not sure why he thinks shaking me to the point I feel like I’m vibrating will help me right now. Oh, wait... that’s me, not him. My nerves don’t feel like they’re firing right, clearly since I didn’t realize my body is shaking harder than one of those shake weight commercials.
I try to calm my breathing. The breaths fill my lungs in short bursts of air with the scent of citrus.Huh, the smell is rather pleasant.I fight for each breath to go down, but finally my crying slows. The hand not rubbing circles has found its way into my hair. It has such a relaxing, calming feel to it. I wipe one cheek on Derrick’s shirt and bring up my hand to wipe the other, then I rest my head against his chest.
I keep my eyes closed, not willing to risk being wrong about Marcus leaving the room and seeing him again right now. Ignorance is bliss in this case, finally a human phrase I agree with.
“It’s okay, Precious, I’ve got you. You have nothing to worry about. Shhhh...”
At some point, Derrick started to rock us, and I like the calming rhythm of the movement. The rumble of his words vibrating through his chest feels like a purr, further working to relax me.
I really like it here in his arms, and he smells good. Feeling human touch on my skin is foreign right now, but not something I want to give up at this moment. I’ve spent five hundred years wishing I could share my thoughts with someone and now that I can, I fear I can’t trust a single soul; I just want to be silent. A fresh wave of the betrayal I was slapped in the face with hits me again.
Loneliness continues to be a constant companion in my life; I don’t know who I can trust in this world aside from myself and my parents. Listening to the conversation the four friends had, not too long ago, shocked me when they mentioned the Royal family. My parents are missing? And how is it even possible the guys, excludingmyDerrick, don’t know who I am? It’s become abundantly clear they don’t recognize me.
Derrick tries to pull back but I cling onto him harder, putting all my strength into holding him close. “Precious, I’m not going to let you go. I just want to look at you for a moment. Is that alright?” I guess that’s okay. I give a small nod, and allow him to pull back and guide my face to gaze at him.
I’m now straddling his lap, something I didn’t notice happening.Seems like I’ve been missing a lot going on around me since I came back into my body.I inspect his features, taking in the fact he’s searching all over my face, never staying still on one spot. That is until he brings up both hands to hold my face and uses his thumbs to wipe away the fresh tears trickling down my cheeks. Dang, I thought I stopped crying.
A throat clears from behind me, and Alex asks, “Are you okay, Sleeping Snow?” Ugh, that nickname needs to go. I tilt my head to the side while still watching Derrick and just shrug my shoulders. I should be ecstatic I’m back in my body, but a whole new set of fears and worries plague me.
I was used to being a floating ball of soul. I knew what to expect for the most part, and I was used to it. I had been stuck in my soul form for five hundred years, for Fate’s sake. Now, I don’t know what I’m facing. This is a completely different world from the one I left. Sure, I saw all of the changes it’s gone through, but actually being in a body in this new world is a whole different story.
Vulnerable...
It’s not something I ever felt in my old life, but now I’m being consumed by it. I’m lacking confidence. How long until I get to feel like myself again? Derrick smiles at me, and somehow it seems like everything will be okay. I give him a wobbly smile back, one I actually think I halfway mean. He brushes a strand of my hair, and Alex gives a small longing whimper.
My smile grows a little stronger at the sound. Klaus comes up to my side and places a hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch. Again, I’m not a fan of people just touching me without permission. I know it’s become a thing in modern times, but back in the times I’m used to... touching wasn’t allowed like this. Marcus was a different story; he was my mate!
His touch feels different now, compared to just a short while ago. When one of them would touch my body while I was in soul form...Spirit form? Ghost?Eh, I like soul form. When they would touch me before, there was a buildup of energy under my skin; it would get stronger with each additional person touching me. Now there’s just a steady buzz under my skin with their touch. Reminds me of exactly how it felt when Marcellus used to touch me, which is odd. I must be misremembering.
“Hey there, Sunshine. Can you tell us your name?” I huff out a sigh and think over Klaus’ request. Do I want to tell them who I am? Do I even want to say anything at all? I don’t really think I do. Like I said, I’m not sure if there’s anyone I can trust here. As I’m deciding, I catch the guys exchanging glances above my head. As long as they don’t know who I am, appearing weak can aid me. Silence is golden, I say.
Alex whispers in a low voice, “Do you think maybe she doesn’t remember her name? Who knows how long she was in the coma. It’s possible she has some kind of brain injury.” His voice is so low, I’m only able to hear what he says because of my heightened senses.
I’m still staring at Klaus, who, in turn, has not stopped gazing at me with his green eyes and shaggy blond hair drooping over his forehead. “Do you remember what happened before you woke up here?” Yeah, handsome, I do. But I’m sure as shit not telling you.
They have another low conversation. “It’s possible she doesn’t speak English. Maybe she doesn’t understand the question. Just because she said those few words doesn’t mean she knows the whole language.” Once again, Alex is the one speaking. I’m starting to think he believes I’m stupid.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to speak to us right now, Sunshine. I understand. You wake up to find four guys you don’t know standing around you. You don’t know what’s going on, or if you can trust them.” Klaus’ eyes project nothing but honesty in his gaze. I really do believe he understands how I’m feeling right now. I’m not sure how though.
He brings his hand to my cheek and caresses it with his thumb for just a moment. Warmth spreads out from the caring touch. “I don’t know why you screamed when you saw Marcus, but if I promise he won’t touch you, can he at least be in the same room? Or would you feel safer if he was kept away from you right now? Ah shoot, should’ve asked one question at a time. How about you just answer the first question?”
I make an involuntary movement to pull myself closer into Derrick’s hold and he tightens his arms around me. Gathering comfort from his warmth, I give a sharp single nod of my head and take a deep calming breath to settle the nerves flaring to life at the thought of being close to Marcus again. “Should I take that to mean he can be in the room only if Derrick’s protecting you?” Klaus tries to verify. I give the smallest smile and nod again. I’m surprised by how well he’s able to read me.
“Well then, I think I should go talk to him and see if he’s okay. He isn’t too used to experiencing emotions. Are you hungry? Would you like some water?” My stomach chooses to answer the question for me by emitting a loud rumble. Well, that’s embarrassing.
I’ve been compiling a list of foods I need to try if I were to ever control my body again. There are items from breakfast spreads I’ve seen, like pancakes, French toast, and waffles. Then there are dinner items like cheeseburgers with bacon, tacos, and pizza. I want to try all the pizzas... Chicago, New York, Detroit, etc. And who could forget dessert? Magnum ice cream looks divine and cheese cake. My mouth waters just thinking about watching people savor their desserts.
There are also a few shoot-off items on the list like popcorn, but mostly so I can watch an intense drama-filled situation while eating it. And then, there’s pumpkin spice, which people go crazy for, once fall hits. So many new flavors and combinations available compared to when I was last able to eat.
Of course, I can’t share any of this unless I decide to talk to them, and today isn’t that day. “I know you’re probably craving whatever your favorite food is, but it’s been a while since you’ve eaten so it might be best if you let Alex get you something like soup. Would that be okay?” He makes a really good point. Soup doesn’t sound too bad either, but to be fair, I would probably eat anything right about now.
“I’m on it!” Alex responds to Klaus’ statement and jumps up from the couch and heads over to the kitchen area. He immediately opens several cabinets, searching for the items he needs. Klaus also stands with a parting word. “I’ll be back soon, Sunshine. Everything will turn out okay. Just you wait and see.” He turns and walks into a hallway on the other side of the room.
Derrick moves to stand, and I scramble to make sure I have a good enough hold on him so I won’t be dropped or lose contact with him. For some reason, I can’t bear the thought. Add this to my list of troubling things to evaluate later. We don’t move far, only a couple of feet toward the couch. Presumably so he can be more comfortable.
