“I know. I don’t either. Come on, we need to get ready to perform.” I nod my head in the direction of where our dressing room is as my hand lands on my stomach. It clenches with the thought of having Nick join us. I don’t want him anywhere near my music, especially not any songs that I wrote with Tris, not when I’m so worried about him.
Pictures flash in my mind of the joy I had writing the songs with my best friend, then to Nick standing on stage playing them, morphing into the way Nick would hold me down and twist my nipples until I wish they’d fall off.
Already it feels like he’s tainting the songs that came straight from my soul. He raped my body first, now he’s raping the only thing that’s kept me alive. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to survive it. I haven’t had enough time to recover for something like this. It feels like I need to protect this one untouched area of myself, or else I’ll lose the only untainted part of myself that’s remaining. What will I have left to give to my men?
My stomach rolls, feeling like it did a move that would capsize a boat. Fuck. Where’s the nearest bathroom?
“I got to go.” I barely get the words out before I’m dashing for the restroom sign. I wave my hand in the direction of the dressing room, hoping Keaton will understand I’ll meet him there. I can only hope I’ll make it to the stage…
My hand tightens in a fist, aching to find someone’s face to bash into. I’m not sure which of them I’d like to batter the most, but the one with the pill bag might be at the top of my list. Who does that to a recovering addict?
I watch as the door closes behind her. A part of me wants to follow, to make sure she’s okay, but with how pinched her face got, I’m not really sure if my hair holding skills are what’s needed. It’s probably selfish of me, but I’m worried I didn’t get here soon enough to protect her from whatever has her so upset.
The more I think about it, the more I’m sure I missed the crux of it. I fold my arms over my chest and hold on to my biceps like they’ll restrain me from lunging after the assholes joking around. One of the others holds the bag of pills now, dangling it like he’s recreating the moment from a few minutes ago.
Leaning against the wall, I watch and wait. It seems every musician in the room is the self centered type, allowing me to blend into the wall the longer I’m standing here. With every gesture and action of those around me, I gain a deeper understanding of who they are. The worst of them is NapalmDelights. They’re different from how they were yesterday. More guarded somehow. It feels like every move they make is a show.
Something happened, and they’ve closed their ranks. They aren’t paying as much attention to Carmen, either.
The bathroom door swings open, and I jump into action. Closing the space between us, I take guard at Raina’s back. I don’t want her to go anywhere alone anymore. I don’t like the stares she’s getting, and it seems like there’s someone out to hurt her around every corner.
She doesn’t seem to have noticed me, too lost in her own thoughts. Which is confirmed when she jumps out of her skin when I hold on to her shoulder to open the door to our dressing room. Her hand comes up to her chest, where she presses against the erratic beating of her heart.
“You scared the shit out of me.” She stares at me over her shoulder, her eyes wide and bloodshot. Her lips purse, drawing my attention to how pale she is. It makes me worry all the more about her. “You waited for me?”
I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow.Of course I waited for you. Do you take me for an uncaring asshole?
The smallest of smiles tugs at the corner of her lips. “I know you’re not an asshole. I guess I’m just not used to someone caring that much.”
I open the door and find Nash trying to calm Blake. Pressing my body against her back, I guide Raina into the room. Once we’re inside, I rest my hand on her hip, squeezing my fingers into her soft flesh. A tiny tremor runs through her body.
“I’ll always be near to protect you,” I whisper into her ear. I love how she can read me without me needing to speak, but I stand by the power that the few words I voice out loud have. Now being no exception.
The door clicks closed behind me, and she turns in my arms, searching my face. Raina Lexington is a knockout, and herbeauty never fails to make me stop in my tracks. I wish I could find the words to tell her, but they still get stuck in my throat. Instead, I trace the edge of her face with my fingertip until it’s underneath her chin. Using my thumb, I tilt her head back and kiss her nose.
Her eyes flutter shut, and she lets out a content sigh. I continue to kiss each cheek before she opens them again. “I can’t read what you’re thinking this time, big guy.”
The nickname makes my heart skip a beat. I’m not sure if she can tell how much I enjoy it or not, but I really like how much she’s been using it lately. I can’t help but hope it’s because our connection has grown stronger, that she believes in it more. Because one thing is for sure, Raina doesn’t think she deserves love.
And it breaks my heart.
I spin a stick between my fingers and can’t help the next thought that passes through my mind.Why would you think I wouldn’t wait for you?
A wash of emotion crosses over Raina’s face, settling on confusion. An adorable little crease forms between her eyebrows, something I’m sure Alyssa would throw a fit over claiming my perfect girl needs Botox or something.
Sadness seems to replace the confusion, and Raina shrugs her shoulders. It’s okay that she doesn’t understand why she thought I wouldn’t wait, because it gives me a chance to be the one to teach her. I’ll show her the love she deserves.
“You’re the spark that lights my day, Peaches. I’ll always choose to be near whenever I can.”
Her eyes sparkle, but before she can respond, Nash—being his typical Nash self—interrupts the moment. “Roomie! You’re back.” He rushes up and throws his arms around her, squeezing her tight. “I don’t like being separated.”
Raina’s face squishes against his shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere, Nash,” she says, patting him on the back. I’m not sure why it warms me to my core that she immediately sees through him, but it does.
“It was forever. How was I supposed to know you wouldn’t run off for good while my back was turned?”
Okay, he’s laying it on a little thick. I think he likes soaking up her affection. Pretty sure Blake agrees with me if his eye roll is anything to go by.
“Hardly forever, Nash. It was barely twenty minutes, if that.” She scoffs, but the smile gives away how much she enjoys his over-the-top personality. Which is a good thing if she has any hope of putting up with his ass.
