“There is a lot going on.”
“But I mean well, and I will always be honest with you. I usually keep everyone at arm’s length. Ask anyone. But I feel different when I’m around you. You’ve been completely open with me about things, and I respect that.”
Most things.Her guilt for being less than open with him about her divorce had her second-guessing Adam’s intentions. Or was she giving herself a reason to push away? Now that Adam’s situation was rapidly changing, it wasn’t necessarily going to be at an arm’s distance. Before, when he wascompletely focused on his rodeo goal, it was safe to say that he was unattainable until the end of the year. That had bought her time to avoid considering the situation.
“I want you to know I really appreciate your help with Zan, but more than that, I like you for who you are. I just wanted to apologize. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
“I don’t appreciate being used. I did worry, but—”
“It’s fine. I was in the wrong. I know that. Look, I don’t know if Zan is going to be around here long or not, but until I do know, I want her to be safe and happy, and I don’t want her to be afraid about anything. I expect you and I will be friends for a long time no matter how everything else shakes out. I want to be a good friend to you.”
Friends? If that’s all this will ever be, that’s fair.
“I’m frustrated,” he admitted. “I didn’t get the test results on Friday. I guess I should’ve known it might take longer even if they tried to expedite things.”
“I’d be going crazy,” she admitted. “I know this is a lot to have on your mind.”
“I can’t promise I won’t make other stupid mistakes, but I hope you’ll stick it out with me. I decided that the right thing to do is to take Zan to church tomorrow. I mean, if the test comes back positive, then why would I wait? Carly clearly had her in church. She knows to pray, and I think she needs that continuity. If she’s not my child, at least I tried to do the right things for her while she was in my care.”
“Yes, and really, isn’t that all that matters?” Merry Anna said. “Just be honest about what’s going on. It’s better than the alternative of people assuming.”
“I agree. Well, I’ll see you there tomorrow. I know Zan will be excited to have you there.”
“I’m looking forward to it also.”
On Sunday morning, Merry Anna picked up Tara for church. The older woman came out carrying a large wicker purse that looked more like a lunch basket than a pocketbook. Merry Anna loved how Tara had the confidence to pull that kind of thing off. With a pretty scarf wrapped around her head, Tara ducked to try to outrun the raindrops on her way to the car.
“Whew, this weather is crazy!” Tara hollered as she jumped into the car and ripped the scarf from her head. “Hot and muggy, and now rain. I’m glad I got those windows replaced last week.”
“It’s supposed to be a whole week of rain.” Merry Anna had just heard that on the news. “I guess we shouldn’t complain, though. Folks around here have been talking about the drought they’ve had the past two years. I think it’s probably a good thing we’re getting some rain.”
“Yeah. I guess you need to have the whole picture to keep it in perspective,” Tara said, slapping her hand against her knee. “But I don’t have to like it much.”
“No, you don’t.”
Merry Anna and Tara sat in the back pew of the church. It had kind of become their unspoken spot. Usually, Adam sat up toward the front on the right, coming in just as the service started. Merry Anna kept one eye on that part of the church, hoping he would show up as he’d planned. It was a selfless act to bring Zan here, where there would surely be tongues wagging with speculation.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to look behind her. Adam stood with Zan, who was dressed in a pretty floral sundress. “Think we could sit at the end of this row with y’all?”
“Absolutely.” She tapped Tara on the leg. “Scoot down a little.”
Tara looked confused, then scooched. Her eyes bugged out when she realized Adam wasn’t alone but had a little girl with him.
Merry Anna leaned forward and gave Zan a little finger wave. The girl waved back, then placed her folded hands in her lap.
The sermon seemed to speak directly to Merry Anna. It was about love.
The pastor leaned forward as he spoke. “In life, to be loved is one of the most desired human needs. Love can cause us to climb mountains, cross seas, and do the unthinkable.”
She resisted the urge to glance over at Adam and Zan.
Her mind wandered.
She’d struggled with her shifting feelings about Adam—analyzing them, judging them, and even fighting them. Before the divorce, she’d identified herself as COO of the family business. She was proud to have such an important role within the corporation her family built, which included hundreds of stores across the nation.That’s what I did, not whoI am.
Being here in church was a good step. It was something she and Kevin had stopped doing years ago, maybe the first year they’d been married. She couldn’t even remember why they’d stopped going. Maybe it was Kevin’s passion for Sunday football games and getting the gang together for them. Or maybe they’d just gotten busy.
Who am I? Am I living a meaningful life?
