“And you think giving Selene what she wants is the best thing?”I demand.
“I think thegamesare,” Marcus replies.“They’re crucial to the city.They’re the best way to let out the anger of the people.They’re-”
“They’re a place of blood and death,” I shoot back.“And by voting for this, you’ve ensured that plenty more people will die.”
“I’ve ensured the people will be placated,” Marcus says.“We can’t allow chaos.”
“And that Selene will have everything she wants.”
Marcus shakes his head.“She might have gotten the games back, but that doesn’t mean she has power within the city.If we’re the ones seen there in the council box, presiding over the games the peoplewantthen we’re the ones who-”
I pull back from him sharply.“You still think this ends with you as the First Senator and me by your side.You think you can ride the corruption of the city all the way to the top and control everything.That isn’t how Aetheria works, Marcus.It will destroy you, and me, and plenty of other people along the way.”
“It’sexactlyhow Aetheria works,” Marcus counters.“Voting against today would have lost the favor of the common people.We can turn this around, Lyra.”
I shake my head, opening the door to my rooms.Marcus turns me back to him, kissing me deeply.
“We can make this right,” he says.“I love you, Lyra.Let me come in.I know you’re angry with me, but let me make it up to you.”
He thinks sleeping with me will make up for his betrayal in the senate chamber?I push back from him, shaking my head.“Not tonight, Marcus.”
I shut the door, leaving him outside and heading over to the bed.I don't sleep, though.I lie awake instead, thinking of all the ways my work as a senator has gone wrong.I used to think the Senate was the only way to achieve anything in the city, then that it was at least therightway.Now, I’m not sure if I can achieve anything in it at all.Not when Selene has so much influence, and senators like Marcus are prepared to support her efforts for their own ends.Marcus says he loves me, and maybe he even means it, but is that enough, given everything he does?
Tears touch my cheeks in the dark, as I cry not just for the loss of the vote but for all those who will be hurt because of it.I'm sad, and exhausted from trying so hard to protect people only for the Senate to prove ineffectual.I'm angry, too, because of the ways Aetheria keeps twisting back towards what it used to be.I'm convinced that the ordinary people don't want a return to the days of slavery, cruel punishments and death in the arena, but too many of those in power seem to see them as the obvious solutions.
When the first rays of the morning light touch my room, I know what I’m going to do next.I dress, not in the white tunic of a senator, or even one of the rich dresses Marcus has given me, but in a long tunic and sandals that give me freedom to move.I belt a dagger to my waist, collect a few other belongings in a pouch, wrap a cloak around myself and, on impulse, pick up my senatorial toga.
I wait until the senators start to gather for the day in the chamber and I head into it.It’s only half full now, but Rowan is there, and Marcus.There are people watching from the gallery.It’s enough.
I walk out to the middle of the floor and Senator Octavio gives me a stern look.
“Senator Lyra, you know you must be properly attired if you want to address the senate.”
"If I want to do it as a senator," I reply.I throw my toga down into the middle of the Senate's floor."But that's what I want to tell you.What happened here yesterday is something I can't accept, and more than that, it's shown me just how little influence I can have here.I joined the Senate to help the city, and now it seems it only hurts it.That's why, from this moment forward, I will no longer be a senator of Aetheria."
CHAPTER FIVE
“Are you mad?”Marcus demands, following me along the halls of the palace as I head for the exit.
“I feel as though I’m thinking clearly for the first time in a while,” I reply.
“Take back your resignation,” Marcus insists.“We need you.Thecityneeds you.”
I turn to him, already shaking my head.“Even if I tried, Octavio would probably find some old law forbidding it, and I don’twantto try.”
“So, you’re just giving up on the senate, on Aetheria, on me?”Marcus says.
"On the senate, definitely," I reply."But not on the city.The truth is I can do more to help it from outside the Senate than within.As for you…"
I hesitate, not knowing what to say next.
“Yes?”Marcus asks.
“Our engagement was a political fiction,” I say.“I care about you, and I think you care about me, but you keep finding ways to hurt me, Marcus.You keep putting politics and your career ahead of me, and the city.”
Marcus looks wounded by that.“I’m trying to do what I think is right.”
“Are you?”I ask, putting my hand on his arm.“Or are you doing whatever will get you closer to power?”
