Something was always wrong. There was constantlysomething she failed at in his eyes. Something that always deserved a "seriousdiscussion" as he would call them, but really it just meant anargument when his "discussions" didn’t go his way. Maritziawas tired of it. So tired of trying to live her life in between his moods anddreading going home when he was in them.
Except recently it had been different. Maritziacould see that he was trying to do better. When she came home late from work,she could see the tension in his body and the want to make a comment on thetime, but he said nothing. Date nights were now a thing he practically demandedevery weekend. Which was great—the first couple of times. Buteveryweekend? She had tried to drop little hints here and there telling him thatstaying at home and lounging on the couch would be just as appealing as goingout to a restaurant, but Victor wouldn't hear of it. There was some sort ofplan in his mind, some sort of blueprint on how he wanted things to go, and nomatter what she said he would not deviate from it.
She told herself to be happy and be grateful hewas trying harder after their last blow-up. When Carlos had called and told herwhat Victor had the nerve to say to Cade, she had been furious. She couldn'tremember the last time she had ever gotten so angry. Who the hell was he totell Cade that? Cade was her partner, her family. She had gone years withouthim, the last thing she would ever do was ban him from her home. Closing hereyes, Maritzia pinched the bridge of her nose as she remembered that heatedexchange. She hated getting angry. Even thinking about it made her cringe asshe remembered Victor's shocked face and the glimmer of fear in his eyes whenshe asked him "just what the hell were they doing in this relationship?"
She didn’t mean to scare him…she was justspeaking…just repeating the whispering thoughts from the back of her mind. Yet scaringwas exactly what she ended up doing, wasn't it? Now the overly sweetness Victorpoured into every action: the overly intense morning kisses, the extravagantdate nights, his broad smile that felt strained, and worst of all, what he hadsaid last night were all signs of his fear at her words.
God, she didn’t want to think about it again.
Adjusting in her seat, Maritzia's eyes flickedfrom her rearview mirror to both side mirrors in habit before looking to thedeli she was parked in front of to see Cade leaning against the counter withhis arms crossed over his wide chest, talking to the guy on the other side.Though it was still very brisk in New York this time of year, Cade was alreadydressing as if it were June. His short-sleeved silvery blue shirt was a thincotton blend material that draped perfectly across his wide, sculpted chest,accentuating the planes of his hard muscles. Looking away with a smirk, shereminded herself to tease him about dressing so provocatively, especiallyaround Sergeant Milford.
Taking her mind off her dimpled partner, herthoughts pulled themselves like a magnet back to the memory of last night andVictor's words. They had been watching TV. She was playing on her iPad at oneend of the couch when the show cut to a commercial about diapers.
"I think you would be an amazing mom."
And here they go again, she had thought, as shesmiled thinly back at him. They had talked about this countless times in thepast year. She was just not ready to have kids. Could he really think she wouldwant to have kids with him so soon into their relationship? Out of two years ofdating, only one had been bearable. And not to mention her career. That topichad been another of their various arguments over the past year. His occasionalpassive aggressive comments about hergolden career pathwhile he had toworkso much harder.
Maritzia would not apologize for her family'sconnections. She would not apologize for the privileges she was given. Sheworked hard at her job. Her and Cade's promotions came at a high cost—a demandfor absolute perfection. Each month, her uncle personally saw to it that theircaseloads were triple the amount in comparison to other detectives. Each casewas expected to be extensively noted and properly resolved by the end of themonth. Her uncle had risked his own credibility promoting them, and she was determinedthat he would not regret the decision. All facts Victor seemed to ignore.
The passenger side door opened and Cade slid downinto the seat, the subtle scent of his aftershave wafting in the air."Okay, here is your sandwich and coffee." He handed her the warmwhite paper cup of coffee and then the plainly wrapped club sandwich.
"Thank you," she said, setting herdrink in the door's cup holder.
They ate in silence listening to the murmuringchatter of the police radio that sat in the dash between them.
"I was watching you through the deliwindow," Cade said, and Maritzia could feel his steady gaze looking at hernow.
Swallowing the painful lump in her throat,Maritzia didn’t say anything. Brushing the crumbs off her gray slacks, shestared down past her sandwich in her lap to the dark floorboard below. Thepolice radio chattered and with each passing second, the lump in her chestexpanded painfully until finally, she looked back up at him. There was pain andanger in his eyes, but his voice was so gentle as he spoke again.
"I watched you yesterday as you stared outthe window next to your desk for a full ten minutes," he continued."And a few days before that as you sat in your car in the parking lot, youlooked as if the last place you wanted to go was home."
Swallowing another bite of her food, she tried tothink of an argument to that, but Cade shook his head and gave her a levellook.
"I know that look, Ritz." His voice waseven softer and it made the lump of emotions in her chest flare in pain."Trust me, I know that look," he stressed, his narrowed eyes neverleaving her face. "I lived it for damn near three years."
There was a prickling in the back of her eyes,but Maritzia fought it back with all her self-control and looked away from himto the cars whizzing by outside her window. "It's fine. I'm fine,"she said.
"It's not, and you're not," he pausedand she could feel the space filling up with an indescribable tension. Cade letout a heavy sigh. "Look, I know you're not ready to face it, hell,probably even acknowledge it. But…just know you don't have to live like this.It took me a while to realize it myself, but no matter what anyone says—loveisn’t supposed to be suffering."
His hushed, solemn voice wrapped around her andshe couldn't stop the moisture from forming in her eyes as she stared down inher lap, but she did at least stop them from falling. She watched as his handcame sliding into view and rested partially on the center console and at theedge of her thigh. Silently, she took his hand and squeezed it back.
"Whatever you decide, I'll supportyou," Cade said, his voice low and warm as he looked at her. "I justwant to see you happy again."
So did she.
~*~
"Is it sad that I kind of wish they won't behere?" Finally wearing his jacket, Cade jogged up the concrete stairsahead of her to the building of their last follow-up visit for the day with hishands in his coat pockets.
Having been there earlier that morning, with noanswer to the door, they were trying to chase down one last lead to a missingperson's case.
"Why? You hoping to get back for a hotdate?" Maritzia teased, though the thought of Cade dating again made herstomach knot.
Cade made a scoffing sound as he held the dooropen for her. "If by hot date you mean a piping hot microwave meal, thenfuck yeah. I want to beat traffic home so I can get to that Manly Man meal assoon as I get back. This one comes with a brownie," he added happily as hefollowed her in through the dingy but somewhat clean entry hall.
Maritzia paused with her gloved hand on thegrungy elevator button and looked at him with horror.
"Oh God, tell me you haven't been eatingthat for dinner each night?! What has Carlos been eating?" she asked,thinking of the sodium count in those awful meals.
