“I’m so happy for you, Eric. Truly. That’s amazing.”
“You deserve the same. You know that, Joss? You were dealt a crap hand growing up, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue playing it. Maybe it’s time for fresh cards, or a new game entirely.”
I repeat the words under my breath. Feel them sink into my skin, my heart.
Maybe it’s time for fresh cards, or a new game entirely.
He tells me he needs to go meet his new girlfriend and her parents for brunch, and we hug goodbye. I slump back into my chair, not ready to confront the outside world just yet. My cup is empty, and I glare at it. It feels like a metaphor.
Right on cue, Jaz slides in the chair vacated by Eric, two mugs in hand. She passes me one and I take it with a smile.
“Thank you, friend. You’re a lifesaver.”
Her emerald eyes are laced with concern, and I can almost hear the questions swirling behind them.
“You taking a break then?” I motion to the cup in her hands.
She sinks deeper into the chair, taking a big sip and nodding her head. “Yeah, it was time. You okay? Looked like a pretty intense conversation you were having over here.”
I almost wish she’d been eavesdropping so I wouldn’t have to repeat it all.
“Yeah. I told him about my parents.” I look up to catch her eye and nearly laugh at the look of utter disbelief on her face.
“What? Why?”
I can understand why that seems not only out of character, but also out of the blue. I haven’t told her they’re in town. She’s the only one who knows my history, and I didn’t even bother to tell her they were here. Why didn’t I lean on her for support too?
Because I like to do it all myself.
“Well… they’re here. I saw them yesterday.” I try to downplay just how huge a deal this is, but she’s too quick.
“Wait, both of them?” Her voice rises an octave and I look around, hoping we aren’t drawing the attention of the whole café.
“Yup.” I take another sip of coffee and wait for her to flip out.
“Are you okay?”
My head cocks to the side. Isn’t that just the question of the day. “Honestly, I don’t know. Between my parents, Wes, and now Eric, I have a whole lot of thoughts piling up, and I’m at a loss for how to sort them out.”
“Is this why you didn’t go on your surf trip this weekend? I wondered when I saw you walk in this morning, but it was kind of driven from my mind when I saw you with Eric.”
“I wasn’twithEric. We just ran into each other. But it felt good to clear the air. I finally understand what you’ve been trying to tell me. How I don’t let people in, that I push people away before they have the chance to hurt me.”
“Yeah?” She raises an eyebrow at me, so many questions hidden behind that tiny gesture.
“Yeah. Now I just need to figure out what I’m going to do about it.”
“Well, it sounds like you’re on the right path. I’m here if you need to talk, you know?” She reaches for my hand and gives it a little squeeze before standing up. There’s a line forming again at the counter. “Right now, I need to get back to work, but I’m here for you. Always. Call me later and fill me in, yeah?”
“Thanks, Jaz. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“For what it’s worth, I think Wes might be worth the risk.”
I pull my best friend into a hug, and part of me wishes we could sit for hours and unpack how terrified I am to open up and potentially have my heart broken—and not just by Wes. But I know she needs to get back to work, and even though I’m learning I don’t have to do everything on my own, the plan I have forming in my mind is something that I do.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Joss
