Why couldn’t I appreciate him before?
That question played on a constant loop in her mind. Cali just wanted to rewind the time; flashback to the past and open her eyes a bit. She’d been so self-absorbed, sticking to her own agenda that she neglected her marriage and her husband.
Cali snatched a paper towel from the rack and wiped her face. She had never cried so much in her life. This was torment. She felt like a prisoner inside her mind. There was more than one thing to be sad over and Cali was an emotional wreck.
Sniffing the flowers, she transferred them to a different vase and filled it with water. Afterward, Cali went into the bathroom so she could shower. The shower was another getaway for her to sob uncontrollably. No one understood her pain because a lot of it had been self-inflicted. This was all her doing. Cheating, lying, and being selfish had been a part of her makeup and now she felt so much shame.
With her body wrapped in a towel, Cali grabbed her phone and sat on the bed. She dialed Bria, hoping she could vent before she headed back to the hospital.
“Hey, girl. I was just about to call and tell you I’ll be there after my afternoon class,” Bria answered.
“I’m actually at home. I came to shower and get some fresh clothes… Bria, I feel like shit.”
“I know you do,” she sympathized with her. “Just keep praying, Cali, Rio will wake up.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“What? Him making a full recovery?”
“Yes… how will I face him after everything? I feel like a fraud, sitting at his bedside, knowing I was going to hurt him. I don't even feel worthy of being there.”
Cali couldn’t shake her shame even if she did a stint in rehab. It haunted her like a virus that wouldn’t leave her system. Her marriage had been nothing more than a lie and Cali was the culprit.
“You can right your wrongs. I feel that you being there for him in this vulnerable state is the start to honoring him. When he wakes up, cause he will,” she stated confidently. “Then, you can strive to be the best wife to Rio. You gotta forgive yourself, Cali, or you’ll be filled with guilt that will never go away.”
Cali heard her sister, but she didn’t know if she had the ability to actually forgive herself for starting a love affair with another man.
“You know I had to curse Braye the fuck out. He was so damn inconsiderate that it almost made me gag.”
“Block him. He has no place in your life right now.”’
“Yeah, you're right.”
“No, I’m serious, Cali, ‘cause you like to say all the right things but never do them. Block him and never talk to him again. This is your chance to start clean with Rio.”
“I will. I promise.”
There was no doubt that Cali was ready to permanently close the chapter with Braye. The love that she thought she possessed for him had been decreasing by the day. The rose-colored glasses had been snatched off her face, forcing her to peer at him without lust. Braye had been fun and at one point, athrill she had fallen in love with. Now, she didn’t feel those same sentiments. The only feelings she possessed were shame, guilt, and sadness.
“Okay, I have to get to work but me and Mama will be there later.”
“Alright.”
Cali didn’t want to end the call. She didn’t want to step back into her web of melancholy. However, she had to be the praying and devoted wife. Right now, Rio’s needs superseded hers.
“So, did you decide on the new collection?” Jovanis asked.
“Um, I’m still working on it.” Irish sipped on her tea, still distracted by her last encounter with Noble.
It had been a night she didn’t want to end. If she could, she would transport back into time and stay in that night for as long as she could.
“You need my help?”
She looked up at him, noticing the sweat stains on his compression shirt. He had just got done running a mile on the treadmill.
“Not really but if I do, you know I’ll call you.”
He nodded, taking a seat at the island. “What else been up with you? Seems like you’ve been in your own world.”
