Trust is an easy thing to give someone, especially when you love them. But once broken, it’s never fully put together again. Even if I do trust someone in the future, the edges will be cracked and pieces missing. It will never have that same smoothfinish it had at the beginning. Broken people are never fully repaired. We just exist because we have no other choice.
And that’s exactly what Ambrose did. He broke me. He reached so far inside and twisted. Cruelly. He knew how important finding my father was to me, how daunting it was to think it might never happen. I trailed after Ambrose my entire life like a lost pup, scooping up whatever crumbs he dropped along the way. I thrived on his attention, blossomed under his friendship, and relied on him for my happiness. That was my first mistake. Relying on someone to be happy.
The second was trusting that he would never use that undisputed loyalty against me. And yet, here we are. A nineteen-year-old girl hiding in the shadows of an empty classroom, wondering if the pain will ever stop.
Ilovedhim. And right now, I am grieving that loss.
It doesn’t mean I instantly don’t love him anymore, but I know it will never be as intense as it was before. Nothing will ever be the same, and the notion of that is giving full-blown grief.
A tear slips down, falling onto my lip, the salty taste a direct reflection of the state of my heart. Apparently, I do have a few tears left after all. Nineteen years of lies. I wonder if any of it was real or just fulfilling an oath to my mother. I’ve been shaped and molded to be exactly who she thinks I should be.
I laugh bitterly.
I don’t even know who I truly am.
I’m so lost and have no sense of direction.
I lay my wet cheek onto the smooth wooden table and close my eyes. I have a while before I need to be somewhere.
The door creaks on its hinges behind me as it slowly opens.
Grinding my teeth, I don’t even open my eyes. I don’t have enough fucking strength to do this right now. It was only a matter of time before he found me. I just thought I had more of it. I’m sure he’s going to try to reason with me, to assure me thateverything he did and lied about was for my own good. It’s ironic how everyone thinks they know what’s best for you, but they are the ones who end up driving you to the brink.
“Please,” I mutter, digging my nails into the table, “just go away.”
I can hear him walking closer.
It takes me a second, but I realize the footsteps aren’t as heavy as Ambrose’s. I raise my head and open my eyes at the same time, right before a rag is pressed firmly over my mouth from behind. I jerk forward, trying to pull out of the firm grip. The rag muffles my screams as I blindly reach over my head. I sink my nails into the attacker’s hand, but I can feel the ferocity of my escape fading.
Quickly.
The classroom is starting to blur, and my movements become jerkier. Slower. Blinking rapidly, I try to clear the spots from my vision.
I can’t lose consciousness.
Focus! Focus! FOCU…
The moment I feel my grasp loosen and fall completely, I know I’m in deep shit. Every breath that slips through my lips into the cloth is now erratic and shallow. With one last effort, I twitch my fingers and attempt to muffle out a curse before my body falls limp and the room darkens completely.
Chapter thirty-one
AMBROSE
The pressure behind my eyes is excruciating.
Instead of sitting in Copper Penny Pub, I’m now sitting in the library hoping Nori comes through.
This place even smells like her—vanilla, cinnamon and solitude.
I rub a hand down my face.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
I should have told her. I never meant for any of this to hurt her. Just the opposite.
I was protecting her.
When Maeve cornered me as a child, I thought I was helping Nori. She was like a little sister to me, and I would have done anything for her. The feelings I had for her were bottomless. As time went on, those feelings included fear. Not of her, but for her. I saw flashes of characteristics that made me wonder. She had an edge, a defiance that stood out among the other girls. Ifigured she’d outgrow it, and it was just her lashing out from the lack of a father figure. So I stepped into that role, protected her, and chased away unwanted attention.
