The second he was gone, the pressure lifted just enough to let me breathe.I pressed my fingers against my temples, trying to ease the throbbing.
Jasila’s hand on my elbow jolted me from my daze.
“Come,” she said.
Wordlessly, she led us back to our rooms, her grip on my arm neither gentle nor harsh, simply present.
“Are you alright?”Theo asked as we walked.“What happened back there?”
I ignored him.I ignored them all.My focus narrowed to the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other.
When we reached my chamber, I slipped inside, shutting them all out.
I slid down against the door until I hit the floor, knees drawn to my chest and arms wrapped tightly around them.
Finally,finally, I let the tears come.
I jolted upright.The room spun, shadows warping and stretching against the wall.My heart pounded, each beat a thunderclap inside my head, drowning out everything else.
The sheets tangled around my legs like serpents.I kicked wildly, thrashing against their grip as sweat poured down my spine.My feet hit the floor hard enough to send shockwaves up my calves, but I was already moving, tripping blindly through the darkness.
I lurched forward, my knees hitting the ground in front of the basin with a painful crack.I gripped the edge, just as I retched.
Nothing came up but acid, searing my throat raw.I folded in half, ribs crushing against my spine as wave after wave of dry heaves tore through me.Each spasm like razors raking up from my gut, shredding everything in their path.
My hair was plastered across my face in damp ropes.I swiped the strands away from my mouth with shaking hands just as another wave of nausea hit me.The retching echoed off the chamber walls, bouncing back to mock me.
“Stop,” I rasped.My free hand pressed against my stomach, trying to hold my insides together.“Please… stop.”
But my body wasn’t listening.Fire crawled up my throat, leaving nothing but charred emptiness behind.
A sound ripped from my chest—part sob, part scream.I collapsed sideways, curling into myself, both arms locked around my middle.The stone floor leached heat from my fevered skin, but the relief didn’t even touch the inferno still raging beneath my flesh.
It wasn’t enough.It would never be enough.
I squeezed my eyes shut and dug my fingernails into my scalp until the skin gave way.The sharp pain cut through the nausea for one blessed second before Dalkhan’s face materialised behind my eyelids, grinning.
I sank teeth into my lower lip, splitting it open.The copper taste of blood flooded my mouth as I forced myself up on quivering arms.
“I need to get out of here,” I sobbed, pushing sweat-soaked hair from my face.
I dragged my aching body toward the tub, stripping away the drenched fabric of my slip as I climbed into the water.I sank into its depths, a shudder radiating outward from my bones.Every muscle slowly unknotted as the steam rose around me in ghostly spirals, carrying away the stench of fear, sweat and bile.
I slipped under completely.Water pressed into my ears with gentle insistence, transforming the chaos in my head into distant murmurs.My hair floated around my face, and for these few stolen moments, there was only the steady rhythm of my heart—no longer hammering, just beating.
When I surfaced, I reached blindly for the soap and cloth, moving on instinct.The rough fabric scraped against my skin as I worked it into a lather, intensively scrubbing.Red bloomed across my arms and chest, but I didn’t stop.I couldn’t stop until every trace of him was scoured away.Until the water ran clear.
Until I was new again.
Mira called my name from the other room, knocking sharply on the door.
“Coming!”I called back.
I knew what that meant.
The day was beginning.
Tavrik and Theo practically trampled each other racing back to the fighting pits, their shoulders colliding as they disappeared around the corner in a tangle of limbs and curses.Mira and I exchanged a look—half-amusement, half-relief—before choosing to visit the library instead.
