And now my perfect, sparkling angel was at some stupid fucking party. No, I reminded myself bitterly. He wasn’tmyanything and he never would be. I just had to avoid him long enough that he could go to college and live his own life. He would probably end up with some future business leader of America type asshole with a trust fund and a fussy executiveposition at some capitalist haven company that plowed down rainforests and clubbed baby seals.
Fucking Kevin. Fucking parties. Fucking Jordy. It was like he was deliberately taunting me.
Opening the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water, just so I would have something else to focus on, I made a conscious effort to stop tuning out the pleasant chitchat between my mom and Chester. Stuff at work was going well for them, and when he asked me how my work was going, I said it was going fine. Truthfully, I was busting my ass promoting myself and my art online to try and build up a bigger and better client list. I was lucky that neither my mom or Chester ever really nagged me about moving the hell out, even though I was already 21. It seemed like they at least understood it wasn’t as easy as it had been when they were my age.
After what felt like forever, with my blood boiling, I glanced at my phone screen and realized Jordy had only been gone about 16 minutes. I felt like a fucking psychopath. He’d gone to parties before, tons of them all through high school. So why was I so bothered now?
It didn’t help that I knew Kevin and his idiot fuckboy friends. Some of them were alphas, but even betas loved omegas like Jordy. With his pouty lips and smooth skin and tiny waist. And long eyelashes. And an ass that could end wars and bring about world peace.
“I’m going out,” I snapped, crunching the empty bottle in my fist.
“Is everything okay, honey?” Mom asked, giving me an odd look. “You sound upset.”
“I’m not upset,” I lied, resisting the urge to grit my teeth. “I just… I’m going to head over to that party.”
“The one Jordy’s at?” Chester questioned, sounding a bit surprised.
“Yeah.”
“That’s great,” he said. “You know, I always worry less about him if you’re around.”
“Me too,” I said, before I could stop myself. I wondered if he would feel so comforted by my presence around Jordy if he knew how I really felt. And how many times I’d imagined stuffing that smart mouth full of my cock, or making him cry on my knot until he was too hoarse to argue with me about anything.
“Be careful,” Mom said, as I headed out of the door.
Revving up my pickup, my knuckles went a little pale on the steering wheel as I gripped it with too much force. What the hell was the matter with me? I was still hungover from the night before, and I had absolutely not one shred of desire to be at this party. I didn’t even know why I was mad. Jordy was responsible, usually. He wasn’t the type to make stupid decisions. What did I even expect to happen? Or did I just hate the idea that someone else might see him like I saw him?
Logically I knew there was no way I was the only one. He was so sexy it was stupid, smart, easy to talk to, easy to get along with. He didn’t fit into a neatly labeled box in terms of his hobbies and interests. He was just as much in his element on a frivolous little shopping date with my mom as he was watching a football game in the living room with Chester. He studied all the time, but he wasn’t a socially awkward shut-in. I knew there had to be other guys as captivated with him as I was. I wanted to find each and every one of them and wring their necks. They didn’t deserve him.
But I didn’t deserve him either. And I knew that. He deserved someone who wasn’t completely screwed up from years of abject misery. Someone with normal, healthy genes who didn’t have nightmares or fits of jealous rage. Someone who could give him the kind of easy life he deserved, where he didn’t have to worry about money or a partner with mental healthissues. I didn’t check any of those boxes. And then add on the fact that he was my fucking stepbrother, and even the frivolous dream that we could ever be anything was completely doomed.
I pulled my truck into wherever it would fit. Kevin’s yard was already full of cars. There were people loitering around a small fire pit, and all the lights in the house were on. I could hear music playing from inside before I even wrenched open my door.
A few people said hi to me as I walked by, to which I raised my hand in a half-assed greeting. I wasn’t really in the mood to socialize. What kind of asshole rolls up to a party in the shittiest mood ever and with no desire to socialize?
I glanced around the crowd outside, and didn’t see Jordy among them, so I stepped into the house. Every available space was packed with people, drinking or dancing or making out on the staircase. Maybe he and Dani had decided to swing by somewhere else first, so they weren’t here yet. That would have been great. Maybe they’d decide to forget about the party altogether. That would have been even better.
My hopeful fantasies were dashed when I heard the sound of Jordy’s best friend calling my name from somewhere behind me. I knew her pretty well; she was more or less a surrogate daughter in our house, and her parents adored Jordy, too. I didn’t mind her, even when the two of them kept me up at night giggling and gossiping in his room. At least she wasn’t another guy.
“Hey, Kieran!” She was hanging on the arm of a guy I vaguely recognized from when I’d been in school, friend of a friend type. But he seemed alright. “I didn’t think you were coming here tonight!”
“Couldn’t stay away,” I responded flatly. For some stupid fucking reason. “Where’s Jordy?”
“Umm…” She glanced around, pursing her lips. “I don’t know. He kind of disappeared a couple minutes after we got here.”
“You don’tknow?” I repeated incredulously. She looked confused by my tone.
“I mean, he’s around here somewhere. Do you need him for something? You could just call him,” she suggested.
“No, it’s…” What? I couldn’t even figure it out myself, let alone explain it to her. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to him later.”
“Okay,” she said, appeased by my answer. She was pretty easygoing. I could hear her already back to chattering excitedly with her new guy before I was even two steps away.
Making my way through crowds of people, ignoring the ear-shattering music that I wouldn’t have even enjoyed listening to at a normal volume, I knew exactly when I’d gotten close to him.
His scent was so distinct, always floating up and above, obliterating my awareness for everything else. If a smell could be deafening, then his was for me.
Candy. Bright and fruity, teeth-rotting, boner-inducing candy. Bubblegum and lollipops and jelly beans and gummy bears. Like cramming my face into a teeming sack of trick-or-treat spoils. Candy wasn’t supposed to make you feel like you needed to jerk off. Just one more fun little aspect of my tortured existence.
