“Well, that’s okay. I just wanted to apologize for the way Steven talked to you. He was out of line.”
“Ah, that’s…” Guilt trickled into me as I processed his words. “That’s okay. I appreciate you saying that.”
“You know your mom and I are proud of everything you’ve accomplished. I just hope you don’t worry that we have a problem with you being here or anything. That isn’t the case at all.”
This guy who wasn’t even my dad, who didn’t have to be nice to me or care about whether I lived or died, had always gone out of his way to make sure I felt included and appreciated. And he never hesitated to tell me he was proud of me, something Icouldn’t recall my real father ever doing. He’d taken my mom and I in, and made sure we had everything we needed, and I’d repaid him by fucking his son behind his back. By tainting and ruining this perfect, bright little person he’d made and felt so protective over.
“Y-yeah. I know. Thanks.” Suddenly, I couldn’t look at Jordy anymore, and I just wanted him off me. I felt a cold sweat break out over my skin, and the feeling of his slim thighs around my waist felt like a suffocating vise.
“Well, have a good day at work. We’ll see you tonight.”
“Thanks. See you tonight,” I echoed, and waited until the sound of his footsteps faded before peeling myself away from Jordy’s sticky body, letting him slide down the wall onto his feet. I turned away from him, but not fast enough to miss the hurt look in his eyes. As always, it seemed like he could sense what I was feeling and that my mood had shifted.
“I, uh, have to get ready for work. So…” I trailed off awkwardly, staring at a poster of a band I loved. My favorite song by them was about being in love with someone who was like the sun, and it always made me think of Jordy when I listened to it.
“So do you… want me to leave?”
“You should go… clean up. I’ll use the downstairs bathroom.”
The stretch of silence was so heavy and awful that I could feel myself cringing, until he finally spoke.
“Okay. Are you upset?”
“No, I just have to go to work.”
“Kieran.”
“Can we talk later? I really have to go,” I said, even though I felt like the world’s biggest asshole the second the words left my mouth.
I was worthless. Less than nothing. I couldn’t make anyone happy, no matter what I decided to do. Chester would probably hate me if he ever found out what I’d done, but if I tried backingoff then Jordy would hate me. Both of them deserved better than someone like me in their lives.
“Okay.” I still couldn’t look at him, but he sounded small and hurt and unsure. If someone else ever made him sound like that, I’d want to strangle them and dump their body in a lake. “We can… talk later, I guess.”
I didn’t know what else to say and I couldn’t bear to hear anything else come out of his mouth in that wounded tone, so I rushed out of my room and down the stairs, barreling into the bathroom to quickly wash up.
As soon as I felt decently presentable, I hurried out the front door and into my truck, revving it up and peeling out of the driveway, knowing that if I had to see his face before I could get some distance I’d probably go insane.
JORDY
“CHEER UP,” DANIrequested, glancing over at me with obvious sympathy as we pulled up to a red light. “Think about how much better things have gotten in the last few weeks. A month ago, you didn’t even know he was into you like that.”
“I know,” I acknowledged, feeling spoiled and ungrateful. “And I know he’s trying. I just…” I groaned, dragging my palms over my face. “I wish I could make him understand.”
“You are!” She insisted. “Look, we both know Kieran is weird about feelings and stuff. That much was obvious way before you guys started this whole thing.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, trying not to pout and sulk. I hated feeling like this. Suddenly I had the childish urge to go back to high school, where everyone thought I was cute and wanted to hang out with me and the teachers adored me and I never got rejected. “I just… I don’t know what he expects from me. It’s like he thinks everything is some cosmic prank and I’m going to yank the rug out from under him the second he relaxes.”
“Maybe he does,” she said, shrugging a shoulder as she tapped her long, baby blue nails on the steering wheel. “Maybe he still doesn’t believe you feel that strongly about him.”
“Dani, if you knew the things I have said to this man. The things I’vedonefor him.”
She smirked, giving me a sidelong look before bringing one hand up to her mouth and miming a blowjob, complete with vulgar wet slurping sounds.
“Shut up!” Throwing my head back against the seat and laughing, I smacked at her arm. “I didn’t meanthat!”
“I still can’t believe you, of all people, let him pop your cherry on the ground in the woods.”
“Oh my god, you have to let that go. I told you it was, like, totally spontaneous.”
