“I didn’t see any other way to get out of there,” I said. “I couldn’t reach the coven. The only contact I made was with my abuelita, and even that was cut short by the demon. I would do anything to protect my warriors. Anything.”
Lilith nodded. “I believe you.”
I sighed as a weight lifted off my shoulders, but the clenching in my gut didn’t release. There was more coming, and I prepared myself for the fallout.
“Even still, when I look at you, I see something else in your eyes…something missing.”
I cleared my throat. “The binding rituals I did with my warriors tethered us in ways I don’t truly comprehend. Being apart from them?—”
“That’s not what I mean,” she cut in, balancing her elbows on the arms of the chair so she could bring her fingers together in front of her mouth. “You know as well as I do that there is no such thing as light and dark magic. There is only order. Only chaos. As wielders of magic, it is our duty to balance these two forces, to maintain what is just and limit energetic disruptions.”
I nodded and bit my bottom lip, now seeing where this was headed.
“More importantly, it is my honor and my obligation to keep the coven safe.”
“I understand.”
They would kick me out. They would strip my patch, my cut, and my magic. They would?—
“It is not your fault,” Lilith said. “What happened was divine intervention. You were meant to go to the liminal. You were meant to bond with your warriors.”
That had me snapping my head up, furrowing my eyebrows. “What?”
“We will rework our ritual to ensure it does not happen again,” Lilith said. “I’m sorry we failed you. I’m sorry we didn’t get you out of there sooner.”
Shock trickled down my chest and settled into my gut like lead.
“I fear the damage to your magic may be too far gone, but as long as you are a Harlot, we will work to set things right.” Lilith glanced around at our sisters, all of them nodding in blatant agreement. “In the meantime, you will remain at the estate with your warriors. Six months of probation so we can be sure there are no lasting effects.”
“Probation?” I blinked. “You’re not taking my patch? You’re not shunning me?”
“Shunning you?” Lilith snorted and shook her head. “If the ancestors have set you on this path, I am in no position to argue with them.”
I should have been relieved. I should have fallen to my knees and thanked Lilith for her mercy and the ancestors for guiding me to this precipice. But the everlasting numbness only spread. They were making a mistake. The hollowness in my soul would tear this place apart. The lingering shimmer of whatever overtook me in St. Michaels would one day explode, and I wouldn’t be able to control it.
“I believe whatever divinity there is…God, the ancestors, the deities…they give the hardest battles to the strongest warriors. You faced an impossible situation, and you walked through hell to survive. I am not fool enough to spurn a gift like that.”
“We will help you, sister,” Circe said. “So will it be.”
“So will it be,” the rest of the Harlots echoed.
“And my warriors?” I asked. “What becomes of them?”
“I understand you are more deeply bonded to them than what is expected,” Lilith said. “Even now, I can see their auras intertwined with yours. Be careful.”
I took a deep breath, understanding this for what it was: cautionary advice.
“I will admit, it did cross my mind to try to separate you,” she said. “Warrior bonds are not meant to be so codependent. Warriors are meant to protect their witches, to put themselves in front of danger, to sacrifice their bodies should the need arise. I fear what such a loss would do to you.”
She spoke from experience, having lost her own warrior years ago. She’d never taken another. If that loss cut her so deeply, I couldn’t imagine what would happen to me if I lost Atlas or Wes. Or God forbid, both of them. The thought of it nearly made me panic.
“Be that as it may,” Lilith went on, “we are stronger together. If you have the likes of Michael the Archangel on your side, if you can channel such power, I will not be the one to stand in its way.”
I couldn’t believe this. I’d been preparing myself for a downfall, for exile. Not a slap on the wrist and a warm welcome home.
“Is there anything else?” Lilith asked, looking around. When she was greeted by silence from my sisters, she nodded. “Very well. Marta, I caution you to use this gift wisely. I have faith that you will seek help should you need it. In the upcoming weeks, you will meet with Gullveig and Hella to recount the precise rituals you used, so that we may better understand how it might have impacted you.”
“Thank you, Lilith.” I nodded.
