The reply was immediate, so the person was awake and ready to argue.
Obviously.But I’m glad you did because I’m going to shut down your illegal possession of an endangered animal.
No, you don’t understand. That’s not a pet.
Then what is it? Because that panther is in someone’s back yard.
It was the woods behind my house, but telling them that would open up a new discussion of why my panther was in the forest.
Ummm, it’s complicated.
Huh? How? Either you’re keeping a dangerous endangered animal illegally or you’re not.
How was I going to get out of this? I couldn’t tell them the truth, but this person wasn’t going to let me off.
I had to come up with an explanation, though I wasn’t sure what that would be. I should have started out by saying I’d copied the pic from a nature reserve or something.
I can explain. It’s not what you think.
Okay. Go ahead and explain.
I’m a wildlife photographer, and I snapped that pic of a panther in the wild.Panthers didn’t live in this area, but maybe this person didn’t know that.I could say I was anywhere so it was totally believable.
I hoped I hadn’t gotten myself in deeper shit. Lies upon lies upon lies never arrived at a satisfactory ending. I rested my head in my hands, begging the universe to take pity on me and end this charade.
Those damned dots appeared on the screen, and I tensed and gripped the phone so hard, I was surprised I didn’t break it.
So why did you say, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?”
Damn. I was drunk and thought I texted my skank of an ex. That at least was true. Now I was foolish, and the person probably thought I had a problem with alcohol and I was just a sad little man.
Is this the new version of a dick pic? Because it’s weird, and if so, it’s the worst pick-up line ever.
Oh for heaven’s sake. Let it go, stranger.
It wasn’t a pick-up line.
Let me get this straight. You send a photo of a panther with a winky face captioned with “I’ll show you mine” and you want me to believe it was about photography?
Wow! When they put it like that, it did sound bad.
Sending drunk pics of panthers to your ex is strange.
It’s complicated. I ran a hand through my hair. This person wasn't letting it go, and I had to end this somehow and satisfy them I wasn’t doing anything illegal.
Look, can we meet in person and I can explain the situation?
There was a pause, and I wondered if that was the end of the conversation.
What are you going to do to me? Tie me up in the woods and leave me there so I can’t contact the Game Commission?
No! Why would you think that?Oh gods, what had I gotten myself into?We can meet somewhere public like a coffee shop. You can bring a friend if you want.
There was another long pause, and I hoped the person wasn’t typing an email to the Game Commission.
Okay, but I’m bringing pepper spray.
I hope it’s not over the maximum size because that would be illegal.Damn, maybe that was too much, and I wondered about deleting it.
