“Yellow.” I panted, shaking with the intensity of my orgasm, and his hands fell away from my body instantly as Frankie slid up further, sucking me deeper into her mouth and covering my skin with hers. Almost like she could tell I needed the reassurance of her familiar touch in the uncertainty of my post-orgasm mind fuck. “I’m sorry.” I covered my eyes again with my arm as my body went lax against the bed. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“Shh,” Frankie soothed, crawling up my body, and I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her tight as I clung to my sanity. “You’re okay. We’re okay. Everyone is okay.”
I sensed Trav get up off the bed, and guilt washed over me even stronger as I caught my breath. When everything settled, I forced my eyes open, staring at the ceiling as Frankie shifted to the side, still laying over my body but so she could watch my face as I came out of hiding.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Trav sitting in the chair against the window, silently watching me lose my fucking mind, and I wanted to bolt from the room, I wanted to escape the way his stare made my skin feel too tight.
“Talk to me, baby.” Frankie whispered, laying a kiss on my shoulder, softly coaxing me into her comfort. “Are you okay?”
I scoffed, an animalistic cry of incredulity as I tried to form words. “I’m sorry. I fucked up.”
“No,” She stated firmly, running her hand over my chest, “No, you didn’t. Nothing is wrong. And no one is angry. Just tell us how you feel. Tell me what happened there.”
I scoffed again, but forced myself to take a deep breath, ripping myself wide open to bleed at her feet. “You mean besidesthe fact that I just had the best orgasm of my life, and I feel fucking guilty and terrible as hell because it wasn’t just you making me feel that good?” I laughed humorlessly. “Or the fact that I want to do it again, which isn’t fair to you?”
“Shh,”I whispered, running my fingers through Eli’s hair, strumming them as he closed his eyes again and took another deep breath. “I’m not jealous of Travis, Eli.” I stated firmly but with a soft voice. “I’m not jealous that you found pleasure in him.”
Eli wouldn’t open his eyes again, and I could tell how wrecked he was, and I hated that I forced this on him.
Again.
“We won’t do it again,” I said evenly, “It’s okay.”
“The fuck we won’t.” Trav said firmly from behind me, and I whipped my head around to stare at him with daggers.
“Shut it.”
“No,” He stood up and walked back to the bed, and Eli rolled away from me to stand on the side of it. They were both naked, I mean damn, we all were, but they were standing there, facing each other with their massively strong and muscular bodies on display and I hated how I ended up getting distracted by it all, again. “We will not shy away from things that make us uncomfortable if it’s what we want.” Trav turned his disapproving glare my way, “That’s your M.O., not mine.”
“Me?” I sputtered, jumping up off the bed in frustration, “What the hell did I do?”
“You run!” Trav bellowed and then took a deep breath, hands on his hips in tight fists before he dropped them and his eyes flicked between us. He wasn’t angry or mocking, there was only a calm, grounded power there, like he was the only one who saw straight through the mess. “You’re both twisting yourselves in knots because of something that isn’t wrong. It’s not broken. You enjoyed it, Elliot, good. That’s the point!”
Eli’s laugh was bitter, “The point? Since when is me getting off on your hands the point?”
Trav walked around the bed until they stood toe to toe, and his voice dropped low until it was more deliberate. As if the words should be felt, not heard. “Since we decided we weren’t playing the boring game of monogamy. We’re polyamorous, I don’t know if you two haven’t noticed, but we’re not dividing ourselves into neat little boxes, forced to stay behind lines that others drew for us. It doesn’t mean I’m only allowed to touch her, or you’re only allowed to touch her. It means we share. We explore. We find what feels good together. I’m way too fuckingold to be limiting myself to what others expect. I did that, and I never found happiness. True fucking happiness. But with you two,” He turned and looked at me, “Both of you, I’m happy!”
He wrapped his hand around the back of Eli’s neck, pulling him toward him, in that manly way that always made me weak in the knees. “Monogamy is about exclusivity. One partner. One path. But that’s not what we’re doing, man.” He loosened his grip on Eli and looked at me again. “We’re poly. Which means there are no walls here. No one is cheating. No one is betraying anyone. It’s the three of us. All in.”
My throat went tight as I took a step toward them, “But what if, what if it’s too much? What if it changes things? You have to know that there are going to be judgements from the world, are you prepared for that?”
“Am I going to scream from the rooftops that I shot my load watching my best friend stroke his cock?” Trav deadpanned, “No, the same way I wouldn’t tell any of the guys on the team that I got so fucking hard knowing they were looking at your braless tits while you secretly cleared out the locker room for us to do that.” He held his hand out to me, “It’s none of their fucking business what we do behind closed doors. It’s ours.” When I was within reach, Eli grabbed my other hand, Trav’s hold still on his neck. “It doesn’t change what we feel, though. It just changes how we show it when we’re together. Your body reacting to both of us? That's not wrong. Eli enjoying my touch when we’re both ruining him? That’s not wrong either. It’s just more. And more isn’t bad if we’re all on board with it.”
Eli’s shoulders sagged, his breath shaky. “You always make everything sound so simple. Like you aren’t self-conscious or worried about anything outside of these walls.”
“It’s because I’m not.” Travis’s mouth curved just the slightest. “I’ve dated dozens of women?—”
I growled in a very unladylike way, and Eli chuckled softly, but Travis just pursed his lips at me, unimpressed.
“And I’ve never felt anything toward any of them like I do when I’m here, with both of you, just like this. We’re not rewriting the rules of the universe here. We’re rewriting ours. And ours says no guilt. No shame. Only what we want, what we choose, together.”
Silence hung thick, but it wasn’t heavy anymore. It was settling. Safe.
I let out a shaky laugh, tears prickling my eyes as his resounding strength and belief in me, in Eli, in us hit me in the feels. “How are you always so strong and confident, giving both of us exactly what we need before we even know what it is?”
His thumb brushed my knuckles. “Because love is natural with you two, Shade. Complicated as hell, sure. Some days it feels like I’m managing four toddlers instead of just two.” Eli punched him in the gut, and he grunted with a smirk, but I couldn’t move as the L word echoed in my ears. “But it’s never wrong. It’s right.”
When Eli finally took a deep breath, his eyes were raw but calmer, squeezing my hand, and I knew Travis was right. We weren’t going to break apart under the pressure of the unknown. We were only just beginning to figure out how to fit together as broken pieces coming together as one.
