“Yeah.” He stands too, moves toward the kitchen. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
Rustin leaves the room and I feel a ridiculous ache to ask him to stay with me. But I ignore it. I can’t lose sight of the fact that this man was here living his life the way I asked him to when I left him. He didn’t ask me to bring any of this to his doorstep. This chaos is all mine.
My hands shake as I type my response.
Me: I’m safe. I’m not coming back. I need time. Please tell everyone I’m sorry.
I hit send and the phone immediately rings. It’s Mom pushing her agenda like the boomer she is. I decline the call and follow up with another text like a proper millennial.
Me: I said I’m safe. I’ll call tomorrow. Please stop.
Mom isn't deterred. I wait out two more phone calls from her as well as a few from my Dad. I knew this wouldn’t be my favorite day, but I never could have guessed it’d be this awful.
In the time it takes me to implode what’s left of my relationship with my parents, I determine that Rustin absolutely lives here alone. It’s the leather pillows and lack of wall art that really gives it away. I count it as a win which I desperately need right now seeing as I’ve caused a public relations nightmare for my dad’s campaign team on top of everything else.
I lean back into the silence of Rustin’s cabin and it wraps around me like a blanket. My father will do anything to win an election. There’s no cost too steep. I thought I could comply. But in the end, I didn’t have it in me. I won’t be slinging any apologies his way. But while I’m on a roll of disappointing people, I decide to text Marshall.
Me: I’m sorry for the way I left today. You deserve better than someone who runs. You deserve someone who loves you completely. That’s not me. I never should have let it get this far.
Marshall’s response comes quickly and I hold my breath as I read it.
Marshall: I know. I think I’ve known for a while. Be safe, Kara. Be happy.
My chest hollows. I reread the message and the grace of it breaks something in me.So that’s it then.Marshall never loved me. Which is in this case a good thing but somehow still feels like a giant dumpster fire.
I sit in silence watching the embers crackle in the hearth. The gravity of the situation settles heavy on my shoulders. I’ve let so many people down.
Marshall and I may not have been in love… But it was a partnership. He was going to finance Dad’s campaign. I was going to be on his arm for the entire campaign trail. Dad even toyed around with giving me the role of Chief Strategist in training. He said it would hold me over until Marshall and I had kids. Then I’d retire and show the world what a trad wife really looks like.
None of it was my dream. In fact, almost every part of it sounds like a nightmare. But at least it was a plan.
Now I have nothing but a deep sense of emptiness. I sink onto the couch. I scroll social media long enough to see Marshall’s post on Instagram. It’s just his hand without the ring with the caption,New Chapter.The comments have already exploded.
I turn off my phone and let it fall into the fur rug. Then I try not to sob as the whole world fractures into pieces that swirl around me.
That’s how Rustin finds me… Crying into my knees in a destroyed wedding dress.
3
kara
At first he doesn’t say anything. Instead Rustin just sits on the hearth across from me.
“Here.” He hands me a kitchen towel. “I don’t have tissues.”
The admission pulls a soft chuckle out of me. “Of course not.”
Rustin sits silently staring. He doesn’t touch me and he doesn’t have to. His steady presence even at a careful distance feels like a warm hug.
“He knew,” I whisper. “Marshall knew I didn’t love him enough. It’s what my parents wanted. It looked good. I’m not even sure he loved me. But he was going to marry me anyway.”
“It’s not a surprise that some people are okay with settling for even a small part of you.” Rustin looks at me directly. “I’m not one of those people, but I get it.”
“I remember.” My words get stuck in my throat.
Rustin looks away. Silence settles around us for a moment too long and I’m ready to change the subject. I don’t know how much more I can take right now. Thankfully, Rustin does it for me.
“You hungry?”
