“Please,” I beg, my tone revealing I’m not below getting down on my hands and knees.
After the tumultuous few years I’ve had, the last thing I need is my name on an arrest warrant. I don’t care about facing charges. It is who may see my name that has my heart sitting in my throat.
I stop peering at Ryan in the rearview mirror when we come to a stop outside a large, mansion-like house on a pretty tree-lined street. Nothing against Ryan, but I’m fairly confident this isn’t his home. The clothes I’ve seen him in the three times we’ve run into each other indicate he is more financially stable than his parents ever were, but he wouldn’t have the means to purchase a house like this. Ravenshoe’s real estate prices didn’t just boom in the years since I left; they skyrocketed out of the universe. Even an average apartment costs more than a standard home in other states.
“Whose house is this?” I ask Ryan, confident I’ve never seen it before.
This area was nothing but dirt hills when I lived in Ravenshoe. Ryan, Chris, Brax and I used to ride our bikes through the tree-studded landscape when we were kids.
Before Ryan can answer my question, a shiny gold Mercedes reversing out of the driveway solves my confusion.
Shit.
“You willingly entered the car of a man you didn’t know,” Ryan growls, his words as low as my heart rate. “What if he was a rapist? Or even worse, a murderer?”
“He wasn’t—”
“But what if he was?!” Ryan interrupts, yelling so loudly the veins in his neck bulge.
He glares at me in the rearview mirror, his chest rising and falling in rhythm with mine. “You were so desperate to get away from me you put your life at risk.” Once again, he isn’t asking a question; he is stating a fact.
I return his stare, preparing to lie, but unable to.
“Jesus Christ, Savannah,” Ryan seethes when I nod, agreeing with him. I was desperate to get away from him.
“That night hurt me, Ryan,” I mumble, my words barely a whisper. “You were so angry. Youareso angry.” I glance down at my hands, incapable of looking him in the eyes while admitting, “I don’t understand why you hate me.”
"I don't hate you!" He lightens his stern tone before saying for the second time, "I don't hate you. I'm just. . . confused. Angry. Annoyed."
Air puffs from my nose. "Take what you are feeling and multiply it by a hundred, then you'll experience half of what I felt when the man who promised he’d never let me down did."
The rawness of my words shocks me. It has been ten years, yet I still can't get past his betrayal. Losing my father broke me—but Ryan’s betrayal utterly destroyed me.
My eyes float up from my hands when Ryan says, “I didn’t cheat on you, Savannah. I wouldneverbetray you like that.”
“You—”
“Lied. I lied. That’s all I did. I didn’t cheat.” He swivels his torso to face me head on, ensuring I can see the honesty in his eyes. “I broke my promise. I deceived you. But I didn’t cheat. There wasneveranyone else.There has never been anyone else.” His last sentence is so low, I’m unsure if he meant to express it out loud.
“Why would you do that? Why pretend you had moved on?” I try to mask my shock. I fail. I’m so stunned, I’m surprised I can speak.
Tears pool in my eyes when Ryan replies, “I wanted you to leave me.”
“Then why not just break up with me?” I ask, my words hindered by the sob I’m struggling to contain.
His Adam’s apple bobs up and down twice before he mutters, “I couldn’t give you up.I still can’t.” His low tone reveals I wasn’t supposed to hear his last confession.
He tilts his torso back to the front, starts his patrol car, then begins to drive again like he has no clue he’s left my heart hanging by a thread. I want to speak. A million thoughts are streaming through my brain, but not a syllable escapes my mouth. I'm not just shocked into silence; I'm heartbroken. I gave up my entire existence because I thought he had betrayed me. My god—that lie changed my life in more ways than Ryan could ever comprehend. Some were good, but the majority were bad.
“Thank you,” I force out when Ryan releases me from the confines of his vehicle at the curb of my apartment building.
I lean in to press a kiss to the edge of his mouth before stopping. His confession didn’t change anything. He still deceived me. It may not have been with another woman, but he still lied.
“Savannah,” Ryan whispers when I pull back, leaving his cheek untouched.
“I just. . . “ I sigh heavily. “I need time, Ryan.Weneed time,” I add on when I see the strain on his face.
I'm not the only one who has had a difficult few weeks. He appears just as exhausted as me. Dark circles ring his alluring blue eyes, and his usually clear skin is mottled. He’s missed as much sleep the last decade as I have.
