Chapter Four
Claudia
My breaths come out in ragged pants when the latch on the door gives way without too much protest. Usually, I’m breaking out of rooms, not entering them. After storing a hairclip and rusty nail in the hidden pocket of my dress, I stand from my crouched position and cautiously enter the room I’m breaking into. I don’t know why I am here. I’ve deferred the attention of both the staff and patients for longer than I can remember, but there is something about this man that draws me to him.
I thought it was the magazine article he gave me, but that was weeks ago, and he is still in my thoughts every day. He’s not like normal men. His hair is as black as the devil’s heart, his eyes just as lifeless. He doesn’t look like my Nick—not in the slightest. My one true love is pure and innocent. This man is wicked and immoral. The ruckus he has made in my life the past six weeks has been anything but pleasant, but his attention reminds me that I have a heart pumping in my chest. Its beat is weak and pitiful, but it is still beating all the same.
Perhaps that’s why I’m drawn to him? I’m not allowed to talk about Nick, much less have an opinion on any aspect of my life. Even the slightest utter of my love in a breathless whisper subjected me to scrutiny by unpleasant doctors with bushy brows and malevolent faces.
That’s why I no longer talk. I’d rather be mute than be controlled. The doctors say I have erotomaniac delusional beliefs about relationships, and that nothing I am feeling is true. They believe being rejected makes me lash out and do violent things. I think they’re the crazy ones. Dexter has been a part of my life for a little over six weeks, and this is the first time I’ve broken into his room. I didn’t even make it a week before I snuck into Nick’s home to watch him sleep.
My sneaky steps into the room slow when a deep, raspy voice snarls, “Ouch. Don’t bite. I’m trying to be nice, and you’re biting me. What the fuck is wrong with you?” He has the same clipped voice my daddy used when angered by something I did.
“I said regular Kool-Aid, this one is sugar free.”
“Why do my trousers have pleats down the front? Do I look like I sit sideways?”
“You should go live with your mother. I bet the worms would make good use of your hollow head.”
So many criticisms for a man who preached godliness. My father was a horrible man. He was nothing like Nick. He didn’t love me with every fiber of his being. He didn’t cherish the ground I walked on. He spat at my feet and called me names when I told him I had found The One.
He paid for his sins, just as I am now for mine. I tried to hurt Nick’s baby, and in return for my error, he sent me here. One day he’ll return to collect me. I just have to be patient. He hears my pleas; he feels my sorrow; he won’t keep me waiting much longer. A love like ours can’t be undone. It is a lifetime commitment that only ends one way.
I stop listening to the voices in my head blamingherfor keeping him away from me when an angry roar vibrates my eardrums. “I swear to god, Bryce, if that is you, you won’t leave this room with your heart still functioning. I don’t care how much shit you pump into my veins, nothing will alter your ugly face enough for me to suck your dick.” The man snarls, baring teeth. “I’ll rip off your little pecker with my teeth if it gets within an inch of my mouth.”
He rolls his head in my direction, his movements so slow, it is as if his head is the weight of ten bowling balls. When he spots me standing frozen inside his once-locked door, he startles. He seems as shocked by my presence as I am to be standing before him.
This wasn’t my plan. I didn’t keep my head down and mouth shut the past five years to have a stranger unravel my wish for freedom, but since this man confuses me as much as he excites me, I couldn’t harness my curiosity for a moment longer.
Why is he nice to me?
No one is nice to me, not even Nick onceshebecame a part of his life.Shehates that Nick loves me.Shehates that he only sees me when he looks at her. But more than anything,shehates that she’ll never own his heart because he gave it to me years ago. Even via a photo, I could feel her evil eyes glaring at me.Sheknows it is only a matter of time before Nick returns to collect me.
He will be angry when he hears I’ve spent time with another man, but it won’t stop him from coming. . .Will it?
I freeze, disturbed by my inner monologue.Oh no, what have I done? I must leave this instant.
“No, wait!” Dexter shouts when I spin on my heels and head for the door.
The plea in his voice stops my flat-soled shoes from pounding the white tiles, but his slur keeps my back facing him. I feel his eyes scanning the room, mindful the sedatives may make him mistake my presence. I should leave and let him believe I am an illusion, but the sheer confusion radiating out of him has me spinning on my heels instead.
As my daddy always said,I made my bed; now I must lie in it.
“Claudia?” Dexter asks, clearly confused. “Is that you?”
Nodding, I step out of the shadows. Dexter gasps in a sharp breath as if excited to see me. The thought both pleases and dissatisfies me. I’m sure if I explain to Nick the reason for my visit to Dexter’s room tonight, he won’t be overcome with too much jealousy. . .
Although, this is the first time I’ve been in another man’s room that wasn’t Nick’s or my father’s, so it may still be a bitter pill for him to swallow.
I’m snapped from my thoughts when Dexter asks, “What are you doing in my room?” His words are remarkably strong for how dilated his eyes are. They are glassier than usual, making my motive for entering his room more plausible.
Before I can respond, Dexter’s tongue darts out to clear away the sweat beading on his top lip as effectively as it has drenched his hair. His body’s response to the chemicals seeping into his brain isn’t surprising. If he discards his morning and afternoon prescriptions as often as I’ve seen him reject his lunch-time dosage the past six weeks, the sedative the guards hit him with when he refused to move to his side of the rec room must be turning his brain to mush.
I don’t know why he wanted to sit with me, but I don’t blame him for not wanting to take his medication. They make my mind fuzzy as well. But with every refusal comes an increase in dosage. I learned the error of my way very quickly my first year. If he doesn’t conform to the rules soon, he’ll be a zombie by next month.
I guess that’s why I am here, to stop him getting hurt. He and my roommate Ashlee have saved me from Lee’s grabby hands multiple times the past two months, so the least I can do is ensure he understands the rules.
When Dexter’s wintry blue eyes glare into mine, demanding I explain why I am disturbing him, my lips twitch, but I remain as quiet as a church mouse. I can feel the words I want to express sitting on the tip of my tongue, but no matter how hard I try to fire them out of my mouth, they refuse to budge. Although he protects me, I don’t know him well enough to trust him just yet. The devil is known for wearing many masks, so I must remain wary.
