I put him in that position. My inability to place myself second put Alex’s life in jeopardy—just as Luca had done to me.
I thought Luca loved me. It wasn’t as profound as I had hoped, but I thought our friendship was the best thing he had of non-monetary value, but the more I evaluate things in the leadup to his death, I realize it wasn’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I was at least in the top three; I just wasn’t his priority. Even with my life in his hands, Luca always held the top spot.
I guess that’s why I’m so pigheaded and strong-willed? I’m doing what Luca did to me for years. I put myself above anyone and anything. I closed myself off. . . until Alex. He sees through the mask I wear to warn others to stay away. He knows the hair, smile, and expensive clothes are just tricks to hide my ugly insides. And despite all that, he still likes what he sees.
I should call him crazy and quit while I am ahead, but who am I to preach sanity? I fucked a man in a field after I ran us off the road in anger. If anyone needs a trip to the psych ward, I doubt it is Alex.
I stop staring at a fluffy white cloud in the sky when Alex asks, “You okay, Rae?” He expresses his question in the same manner he did before I kissed him, except this time, I hear a bit of reservation in his voice.
“I’m good.” The honesty of my reply rings true in my tone. Usually, I’d be scratching at hives by now, the memory of Luca’s accident too great for me to ignore. But the pain isn’t as intense today, the guilt also not as strong. “How about you? Are you okay?”
Alex waits for me to roll over and face him before jerking his chin up. “I’m good. Reek of cow dung, but fine nonetheless.”
I smile, loving the mirth in his tone. He does smell like manure, but more than anything, he smells like me. “I guess we better head back and get you showered. I can’t have you wandering around town smelling like cow poop; the locals might confuse you as one of their own.”
Alex’s shit-eating grin matches mine. I’m glad our roll in the grass didn’t change anything between us. He’s looking at me with as much admiration as the past two days.Thank god.
“I’m sure if your dad has his way, that won’t be an issue.”
Not wanting to lie, I don’t reply.
“Is that. . . ah. Did I cross the line?” Alex asks when I gingerly rise to my knees.
Following the direction of his gaze, I spot the cause of the apprehension in his tone. Cum has dribbled down my thigh to puddle near my knee. With how many brutal pumps his cock made while shooting his seed inside of me, I’m not surprised my pussy isn’t able to keep it inside. Apparently, I’m not the only one who fell off the orgasm train two months ago. Alex was as backed up as me.
“It’s fine. I had the depo shot a few months ago.”
I swipe at the cum before slinging it on the ground in an extremely unladylike manner. It’s not like I have any other option. It is either use my hand or the shirt Alex is holding out for me. Considering he smells like sex and me mingled together, having him turn up to my house shirtless would spell disaster. The image of him shirtless in a grassy field is a rather enticing visual, but his ability to breathe without aid should be my utmost focus. Dammit!
Alex’s eyes snap to mine when I ask, “You’re clean, right?”
“Do you really need to ask that?” His angry tone should raise my hackles, but my anger seemed to pack up and leave town after our wrestling match in the mud.
“Don’t get snippy with me. I don’t know how many women you’ve fucked in a field with angry bulls looking on.”
A smirk cracks my lips when Alex cranks his neck to assess the cows behind us. None of them are bulls, but I can’t help but tease him. My rile paid dividends when he got jealous. My god—the chatty baker in Ravenshoe was right. Jealousy sex is pure heaven!
“If it makes you feel any better, my test was as recent as last week.”
Alex returns his eyes to mine. “It doesn’t make me feel better,” he grumbles under his breath as he stands to his feet to yank his jeans up his thighs.
They’re even muddier now than they were when he outran alpacas chasing him for their feed. If you overlook the little mishap of our accident, today has been the most extraordinary day, and it is happening on a day I usually hide away from the world. I knew from the moment I met Alex my life was set to change, but I never would have guessed it would be this profound.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying a romp in a field equals a lifetime commitment. But the freedom that came with it, I can’t put a value on it. Every day of the past decade was planned and scrutinized to ensure I was living the life I was supposed to live. Today was the first time I’ve just lived. No rules. No expectations. Just one fucked-in-the-head girl showing a city slicker how things are done in the country.
When Alex hands me my shirt, the deep groove between his brow smooths upon seeing the high arch of my lips. My smile doesn’t linger for long. It drops into a pout when Alex tucks his cock into his jeans before I get the chance to thank it for my back-to-back orgasms. His quick dressing skills also steal my ability to organize another hookup without the blow flies and hay-filled patties.
Worry about being left in the lurch for another two months rolls off my back like water on a duck when Alex mutters, “If you keep looking at me like that, Rae, we’ll never leave this field.”
I give him a sassy wink. “You’ll be worth it.”
After clearing a smidge of dirt from my neck, he hooks his arm around my shoulders, tugs me into his chest, then we begin our two-mile walk home. Although he doesn’t say anything, I know he heard the words I didn’t express.I’d rather wrestle you in a muddy field than cross off the next item on our to do list.
“Come on. Once we face this, we’ll be clear of obstacles. Right?” He sounds as hesitant as I feel.
I’ve given every excuse you can imagine the past eight years to miss the event occurring this afternoon. Once, I even cancelled with the excuse of an ectopic pregnancy. It wasn’t the brightest idea I’ve had. Gossip spread through my hometown like wildfire. Half the old biddies were planning the wedding of the century with the supposed father-to-be, whereas the other half were arranging his funeral. After coming clean to my dad the week following Luca’s memorial, I realized he was on a rampage to discover who had “knocked me up out of wedlock.”
