She jumps down from the climbing frame she’s daringly scaling to race my way. Addison got her personality from her father and her looks from her mother. Her blonde hair is extra bright in the dreary conditions, but her bright blue eyes are a little dull compliments of the super rosy cheeks the nippy winds have given her. She’s a cute little thing who’s quickly wiggled her way into my heart the past four months.
That wouldn’t be hard with how much time I’ve spent with her, her big sister, Isla, and her mom. I promised Dane I’d take care of his girls no matter what. I’ve kept my promise.
The past four months have been rough, and I’m not solely referring to Dane’s passing. There has still been no contact between Regan and me. For the first week, I called her a minimum of ten times a day. By week two, I lowered my nuisances to three to four incidents in a twenty-four hour period. Once week three rolled by without any returned calls or replies to my many text messages, I did what all desperatecan’t take a hintmen do: I called her family ranch.
You can imagine how well that went down? From what I could gather in between Hayden’s threats of disembowelment, Regan wasn’t avoiding my calls because her cell phone service at the ranch was spotty. She was avoiding me.
Week four saw me facing a whole new set of issues. Not only did Regan cancel her cell service, Dane’s life insurance provider denied Kristin’s policy claim. Their denial left his family with nothing but a house they can’t afford to sell because they owe more than it’s worth and a whole lot more heartache.
Dane took his life, believing his family would be better off without him, but he failed to read the fine print. When he was brought in as a consultant at the Bureau, he switched insurance companies. With a new policy, came a new clause. Suicide was not paid for the first two years. He left his family with nothing. Not him. Not the money he thought they’d have.Nothing.
Can you see my dilemma? My heart was in Ravenshoe, but my integrity was in Arlington. I couldn’t chase Rae even if she wanted me to.
In the beginning, I kept tabs on her, more through Isaac’s case than a personal tail, but as the weeks went by, my attention to Isaac’s daily movement sheet waned. His schedule hadn’t altered from when we began investigating him nearly a year earlier; there was just one detrimental change: Regan was never mentioned in his notes—except once.
It tore me to pieces even more than the words Brandon uttered outside of her apartment four months ago.
Someone on Isaac’s team had secured a booking at a family planning clinic in Hopeton, Florida. Although it was illegal for me to ask, I requested for Brandon to hack into the clinic’s servers. I needed to know who visited their establishment on a late Tuesday afternoon two months ago.
I ended my day wishing I wasn’t so inquisitive.
The appointment was for an R. Myers. Her contact details matched the cell phone Regan once owned, and the “operation” was paid for with Isaac’s company credit card. Even if I weren’t an agent, I’m not stupid enough to misread that evidence.
I gave Regan a part of me I’ve never given anyone, and she destroyed it.
I’m not referring to my heart, either.
My back molars stop grinding when a pair of tiny hands cup my cheeks. Addison stares into my eyes, hers oddly familiar. “Awright?” She stumbles over the letter she can’t pronounce.
“I’m alright,” I assure her while doing up the final button on her winter coat. “There you go, nice and toasty.” I tug her into my chest so she won’t see the deceit in my eyes.
Addison is an old soul who’s been here before. She can count to ten, eat three bowls of cereal for breakfast, and thinks she’s cupid. I’m proud of her first two qualities, but I wish she’d cut back on her last trait. I understand her game plan. She can see her momma is hurting, and she wants to ease her pain, but she’s looking in the wrong direction if she thinks I can replace her dad.
Even if she weren’t my best friend’s girl, I’ll only ever see Kristin as a friend. Nothing will change that. Not the adorable little eyes of a near three-year-old who holds my hand before reaching out to secure her mother’s with her other, nor the six-year-old who misses her dad as much as she’s angry at him for what he did.
Unlike Addison, Isla isn’t an old soul. She can’t understand why her dad doesn’t pick her up from school each afternoon, or why he isn’t sitting in his office when she charges inside after she’s finished ballet. All she sees is his empty chair and the man she wrongly believes is trying to fill his place.
Although Kristin hasn’t told the girls what happened the day she arrived home to find Dane, they know what occurred. Kristin does a good job of putting on a brave face, but nothing can reignite the light in her daughter’s eyes. Their brightness was snuffed the instant Dane died because, just like me, they lost a part of their soul that day.
“Again!” Addison races a few steps in front of Kristin and me before leaping off the ground. She giggles loudly when her feet swing in the air. When they return to a solid surface, she squeals, “Again.”
Kristin and I continue down the sidewalk of Isla’s school with a giggling, swinging Addison between us. Just as it did at Dane’s funeral, her laughter heals me . . . until she says, “Again, Daddy!”
Hearing her call me “Daddy” doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still shocked, and in all honesty, I don’t like it, but after speaking with Kristin, I understand Addison’s confusion. She didn’t know Dane outside of his wheelchair. He couldn’t chase her through the house as I have the past three months, or teach her how to swim in her grandparents’ heated pool.
He was there for his girls, but Kristin said numerous times that something was off with him long before she discovered him in his office. He started withdrawing by no longer eating dinner with them and not helping Kristin put the girls to bed. He became a recluse, his focus devoted on nothing but work. I thought keeping him occupied was a good thing. Only now am I realizing how terribly wrong I was.
Striving to ease my guilt, I extend my arm out to its full reach, ensuring Addison gets the biggest launch. When she is high in the air, I release my grip on her hand then catch her in my arms. She giggles and squirms when I burrow my chin into her neck to tickle her with my beard. Every tug she makes on my hair, every deep chuckle, they soothe the nicks in my heart, easing its bleed from a body-maiming gush to a slight trickle.
I stop growling like a grizzly bear when a deep voice says, “So it’s true. You do have a wife and kids.”
My heart does a wild beat when I pop my head above Addison’s now messy bed head. Although the Myers standing across from me isn’t the one I am hoping for, any Myers is better than none.
“Hayden . . . what are you doing here?”
He balks but remains quiet. It’s unfortunate for him I don’t need to hear his words to know of his confession. Clearly, I’m not the only one who bends the rules to protect the people he loves. Ayden is as expendable as me, as his position in the Bureau is the only way Hayden could be aware of my location. I only returned to a desk job last week. Prior to that, I was off the radar. Even Isaac’s hacker/security personnel wouldn’t have been able to find me.
With a swallow, I place Addison onto her feet so I can scan our location. A woman with an aura like Regan could never be missed, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her, so maybe my perception isn’t as great as it once was.
