It's only looking down at our son that makes me reconsider. I can see so much of Nick in his adorable little face, but he has my hair color. He is the cutest little baby I’ve ever seen.
Not long after being handed our precious little angel, Noah and Emily arrive at the hospital with my overnight bag. Emily’s excitement beams out of her as her eyes roam over Jasper. Nick and I discussed baby names for weeks before we finally settled on one. We had very different ideas on the type of names we liked. I got so desperate, I read out every name from a baby book. It was only when I got to the J’s did Nick finally speak. . . . . .
“What was that?” He peered up from the television screen to me.
Unsure which name caught his attention, I asked, “Jason or Jasso?”
He cocked his brow, his expression unamused. After scooting across the carpet, he removed the baby book from my hand.“This one.” He pointed to a name in the book.
I removed his finger to read the name. “Jasper?”
He nodded while smiling. “It’s strong and masculine while also unique. Just like our boy will be.”
I tested out the name a few times in my head. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it either. Since it was the first name that sparked a reaction out of Nick, and my patience was running thin, I gave up on the baby name search for that day.
It was only when Nick arrived home from a stint in Los Angeles the following week with a tiny blue romper with “Jasper” written across the front did I fall in love with the name.
It might have been more due to the fact Nick purchased the romper himself that made me love it. . . . . .
But now, when I look down at our son, I think his name suits him. I just hope he doesn’t follow in his dad’s footsteps of a player lifestyle since he’s branded with his middle name.
* * *
A few hours after Emily and Noah leave, Jasper and I are transferred to the maternity suite on level three of the hospital. An hour after I’ve settled Jasper down for the night, Emily returns to visit me alone. Believing her fight with Noah centered around her inability to both study and support him, we researched ways she can complete her studies without physically living on campus.
It took a few hours, but we discovered a perfect solution. I was so relieved. Noah and Emily are the perfect couple, but their fight proves even the strongest relationships have bumps. My relationship with Nick has been a crazy-ass ride, but the past six months have more than made up for the massive bumps we endured at the start.
It just keeps getting better and better.
* * *
The next morning, Nick appears apprehensive when he enters my hospital room. It took the nurses kicking him out at 3 AM before he agreed to go home to rest, so he’s clearly exhausted, but the groove between his brows isn’t the one he gets when he’s tired. This is his worried face.
After placing a kiss on my temple, he makes his way to Jasper, who is sleeping peacefully in his crib. My heart melts when he carefully lifts Jasper into his arms before snuggling him into his chest.
“Are you okay?” I ask when he spins around to face me. “The guys aren’t giving you too many hassles, are they?”
His lips tug high. “I’ll never live that down, will I?”
I shake my head. I plan on reminding him of his fainting episode every time he pisses me off. Considering we have a good seventy-plus years left to live, that gives me a lot of leverage.
When I hold out my arms, wordlessly begging for some more baby cuddles, Nick walks over to my bed to hand me Jasper. His glistening eyes take their time scanning my face before he mumbles, “They want us to go on tour.”
I stop tucking Jasper’s hands into his blanket to peer up at Nick. My jaw falls open as excitement overwhelms me. This is precisely what the band has been aiming for the past five years. Their dreams are about to come true.
My excitement is short-lived when Nick adds on, “Next week.”
My heart plummets into my stomach so fast, the breakfast I consumed earlier threatens to resurface. “What?” I question, certain I heard him wrong.
When he locks his eyes with mine, I realize my error. They’re brimming with conflict. I gingerly hop out of bed to place a sleeping Jasper back in his crib. I want to sit down and talk about this like adults, but a horrifying two days lead me to speak before I’ve stopped to consider what I’m saying. “I just had a baby. . . I just gave birth. . . I don’t even know what I'm doing.”
My tone is riddled with nerves. I’ve had a hard time the past twenty-four hours recovering from the birth; I don’t want to walk through the maze of motherhood alone.
“You’ll figure it out in no time.”
Nick meant for his words to be assuring, but I don’t hear them that way. “I don’t want to figure it out alone, Nick.” My crackling voice exposes how close I am to crying. I’m seconds from cracking.
When he paces toward me, tears stream down my face. He’s as devastated as me. His brows are hanging low, his lips turned down. I cry even harder when his delicious scent engulfs me when he pulls me to his chest.
