I feel cold when he breaks away from my side so he can commence undressing. It’s been a long night in general, but he must be even more tired, considering he didn’t sleep a wink last night. “To a rehabilitation center.”
His reply comforts me in a way I can’t explain. If he were planning to kill her, he wouldn’t put steps in place to make her a better person. He would have let her go and waited for drugs to do what I’m not sure I am capable of. As I said earlier, my parents are horrible people, but at the end of the day, I still wouldn’t be here without them.
After placing his cufflinks into a dish on his desk, Dimitri pivots around to face me. “If it turns out what she said is untrue, her ruling will be taken out of your hands, do you understand?”
Even with my intuition dying to drill him on what she said, I nod my head instead. He looks as burned out as I feel. The lies my mother told with the hope of saving her hide isn’t a conversation for today. I don’t think there will ever be an appropriate day, but despite that, this question can’t wait. “Did she tell you where Audrey’s body is located?”
I’m not anticipating for him to answer me, he’s not a fan of two-way interrogations, so you can imagine my shock when he shakes his head.
Willing to risk punishment for the greater good, I ask, “Do you believe she’s at my grandparents’ farm?”
My heart pains for him when he shrugs. “I don’t know.” His voice is the lowest it’s ever been as are his shoulders. “We’ll travel there in the morning. For now, I need sleep.”
I nod, agreeing with him. He looks as tired as hell.
My head bob switches to a shake when he asks, “Have you showered?”
“No. Rocco stayed with me.” My eyes widen when I realized my stupidity. “We didn’t do anything. He stood by the door.”
His cocky trademark half-smirk makes me hot all over. I’m too tipsy to determine if it’s a good or bad heat. “I know. Smith isn’t the only one with eyes and ears in this room.”
Talking about Smith, he never got back to me about my earlier question.
I mentally book myself in for a scan to check for bugs when Dimitri reads my mind for the second time tonight. “Your queries into your grandparents’ estate will have to wait. Until I know the full extent of what’s happening, I instructed Smith not to give you half-ass assumptions.”
Should my stomach gurgle at his confession or weaken its knot? If it were straight-up good, Smith would have given me an immediate answer. The fact it’s in the unknown has me unsure which direction my mood should swing. I hate the murkiness of the unknown. Take now, for example, should I slide into the sheets Dimitri is folding down like he should be rewarded for issuing mercy to my underserving mother or take a stand about him torturing her? I know what my libido would prefer, but my morals should be an entirely different story, shouldn’t they?
Needing time to deliberate on my wavering personalities, I wait for Dimitri to hop into bed before I hook my thumb to the bathroom. “I’m going to take a quick shower.”
I barely pivot halfway around when Dimitri’s deep timbre stops me. “No. No showering. You smell like me. If you wash that off, I’ll have no choice but to replace it.” Fighting the urge not to sprint to the bathroom, I crank my neck back to face him. His stare slicks my panties with moisture, but it also has my knees knocking together in a non-sexual way. “You don’t want that, Roxanne. Not only are you drunk, I had three body bags to fill tonight. I didn’t even manage one. Now isnotthe time to test my patience.”
Hearing nothing but honesty in his tone, I slip between the sheets, roll onto my side, then inconspicuously wiggle to his half of the mattress until the heat of his torso warms my back. I’m not close enough to be accused of spooning, however I do feel his battering breaths hitting the back of my neck for the next several minutes. He’s as unhinged as me, and the irrefutable proof has me acting recklessly.
“Why do we sleep in the same bed every night? Your compound has heaps of rooms, but we always share the same one.” I could pretend his low, shallow breaths are because he’s sleeping, but I’m done playing stupid. “Is it because you want to protect me like you do Fien?” When his big inhale forces contact between us, my heart sinks into my stomach. “If you’re here because you think I need saving, you’re wrong.”
“Stop it.”
His warning growl does little to lessen the intensity of the fire brewing in my gut. Not even half a bottle of vodka could douse it, so I don’t see anything working. “My father didn’t hurt me. Well, not physically, so if you’re thinking I’m your penance to get Fien back sooner, you’re wrong.”
“I’m not going to ask you again, Roxanne. Stop. It!”
I can’t stop. Once my lips get flapping, there’s no reeling them back in. “Most people assume I have daddy issues, and you’d be the best person to unkink them, but that isn’t why I’m here.”
“For fuck’s sake, will you shut up!”
“I don’t need saving. I was doing fine on my own. I was a little lonely and somewhat unsure what I was going to do next, but—”
“Goddammit, Roxanne.” In less than a second, I’m pulled onto my back, pinned on the mattress by Dimitri’s large frame, and incredibly turned on. “You’re not here because I want to save you with the hope a good deed will free my daughter. You’re in my bed because I want to do the exact opposite. I want to devour you. Fuck you. Possess you so bad, the next time you have a gun pressed to your mother’s head, you won’t think about pulling the trigger, you’ll do it. I want to mark every inch of you until the thoughts of what Rimi would have done to you if Audrey hadn’t taken your place leave my head. Then I want to punish you some more for making me doubt who he should have taken.”
His dangerous eyes dance between mine when he asks, “Do you have any idea the guilt associated with how you make me feel? The angst of wondering why I’m glad they took my wife instead of you. You were a fucking stranger, a goth standing on the corner undeserving of my time, but every single time I’ve prayed to go back and switch you with Audrey, I prayed just as quickly for that prayer not to be answered. She was carrying my daughter, my flesh and blood, yet I still couldn’t put her first.” It feels like my heart is torn out of my chest cavity when he adds, “So the next time you feel the need to ask why we sleep in the same bed, perhaps first consider the fact even someone as heartless as me can recognize that he doesn’t deserve to get his daughter back, so he has no reason to save anyone, let alone someone who doesn’t need saving.”
With his jaw tight and words spoken he can never take back, he springs up from the bed without so much of a strain on his face before he stalks to the door.
His long strides are cut in half when I gabble out, “You should have killed them, then I’d stop looking at you the way you hate, and you wouldn’t feel guilty about something you can’t control.”
Nothing but my shocked breaths are heard when he replies, “Why do you think I held back?”
Stealing my chance to reply, he walks out the door, slamming it behind him.
