Things have been tense with us for a year, but it irritates me more than usual today. I hate what happened to Justine, and I begged for Maddox not to take my uncle’s offer to do a seven-year stint to free me from his clutch, but neither of those things were my choice, and if I could change the outcome of them now, I would in a heartbeat.
I guess to Landon, the perfect solution would have been for me to walk off the cliff with my father. That would have solved all his problems long before they became an issue.
With that snippet of information souring my mood even more, I say, “I can’t deal with this right now. I’m not in the right head space.”
My eyes snap to Landon when he interrupts, “Because you’re high on prescription painkillers?”
“No,” I blatantly deny. “I haven’t filled a prescription in days.”
It feels like the world caves in on me when Maddox asks, “Is that why you took Justine’s prescription, Demi? Because you ran out of pills?”
I want to lie. I want to say his brothers have exaggerated everything and that Justine’s canister slipped into my pocket by accident, but I can’t fire another lie from my mouth. The shame on their faces already has me on the backfoot, not to mention when Landon rips my purse out of my hand to shamefully call me out as the liar I am.
Justine’s pill canister is the first thing to topple to the floor. It’s closely followed by my cell phone that shows I didn’t just ignore Warden Mattue’s calls the past hour, Justine’s went unanswered as well.
I lift my watering eyes to Caidyn when he says, “Demi, Justine called us because she’s worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
Maddox’s sigh shatters my heart beyond repair.
“I am. I’m just…”
I got nothing.
Not a single thing.
I thought the day my dad died would remain the worst day in my life. Now I’m not so sure. The man I love is beyond disappointed in me, his sister most likely thinks I’m an addict like Officer Packwood does, and his brothers are looking at me in disgust.
Today has broken me. It has shattered me beyond repair. I honestly don’t feel like I can come back from this, and it has me saying the last thing I thought I’d ever say, “It’s just one of those…”
I can’t force the remaining word out of my mouth. I’m in a world of hurt, and I am extremely ashamed of the woman I’ve become the past year, but if I don’t have Maddox, I will havenothing.It makes me selfish, but that’s okay. My dad always said you’re allowed to be selfish when it comes to love. I’ve always wondered if that was why he killed himself. He wanted to be selfish just once, and what better way to do that than to fully erase his pain?
“Demi…” Maddox murmurs like he can sense my tears from hundreds of miles away. “Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s going on. If we don’t start communicating, all the good we’ve done will unravel.”
“It hurts,” I stammer out before I can stop myself, the pain in my chest too perverse to ignore for a second longer.
“Where?” Maddox asks, his voice softening with understanding.
I accept Caidyn’s cell phone he’s holding out for me before replying, “I fell in the parking lot. It re-flared my old ankle injury.”
Nothing but empathy resonates in Maddox’s tone when he asks, “Is that why you took Justine’s prescription? Because your ankle hurts?”
I nod my head at the same time I whisper, “No…” I exhale before confessing something I shouldn’t. “They were for my heart.”
Maddox’s sigh is silent this time around, but I’m still aware of its existence.
“I hadn’t planned to take them all. I just…” Out of excuses, I give straight-up honesty a whirl. “I wanted to numb the pain in my chest.” When I plonk onto the couch, the mess in my nose almost spills out. “It’s easier to swallow tablets than admit I’m struggling.”
As I swipe the back of my hand across my top lip to ensure the contents in my nose remain put, Caidyn ushers Saint and Landon outside. Landon isn’t pleased with his request for their meeting to reconvene at another time, but Saint is more than happy to miss the shit-fest most people call a deep and meaningful conversation.
Once I’m confident Maddox is the sole recipient of my confession, I blubber out, “I’ll try harder. I-I’m not addicted to popping pain medication. I’m just having a bad—”
“Year?” Maddox interrupts.
“Something like that,” I reply with a half snivel, half giggle. It’s the worst time for me to smile, but you didn’t hear the jest in Maddox’s tone. He could be deflecting his anguish with humor again, but since it halves the tension bristling between us, I have more appreciation of his unusual traits.
I hear him scrub at his cropped beard before a chair rolling across floorboards projects down the line. It has me curious as to where he is. The only part of Wallens Ridge that has polished floorboards is the reception area. “It’s okay to admit you’re struggling. The past year has been unprecedented. We’re all struggling to keep our heads above water. Even Caidyn.”
