Wasn't the first time I had since I starteddatingAshleigh a week ago, but I was certain we hadn't moved a muscle the entire time we slept. Well, besides the muscle that was resting against her ass perfectly.
The problem was, I wasn't any clearer on what to do about us.
I wanted there to be an us, but there was no way I could quit my job on a whim, and I knew that a woman who wanted to come home each night to one man wouldn't be okay with dating a male escort. Everyone I knew who had tried to make a relationship work while staying in the game had failed and had their heart broken.
I didn't want my heart broken, and maybe I was a coward, but I couldn't tell Ashleigh how I felt, because even if she did feel the same way, I couldn't quit Saddles & Racks. I had no military or gun training like Gabe, Paul, and Brad, and I wasn't a teacher like Vinny. I literally had nothing to fall back on or offer Ashleigh. There was no way she would want to be with a loser like me. So, once again, and for the last time, I did what I knew how to do.
Except this time wasmore.
Brushing Ashleigh's long brown hair out of the way, I leaned forward and pressed feather-like kisses along her smooth, tanned skin. She stirred, moaning as she turned onto her back.
"I'm going to miss waking up to this."
I didn't respond. Instead, I moved to rest between her parted legs, and kissed my way down her throat to her breasts, giving each one attention and making her arch her back. I didn't stop my feasting, moving down to kiss her stomach on my way to her pussy.
Her pussy that I was going to miss the taste of.
Her pussy that I was going to miss having wrapped around my dick.
Ashleigh spread her legs farther apart, already knowing my intention. When I took my first swipe, she hissed and grabbed fistfuls of my hair. She tugged as I devoured her, getting my fill and trying to ingrain her taste in my memory. Adding fingers, I worked her fast, curving them just right.
"I'm gonna come," she moaned.
I didn't stop, couldn't even if I’d wanted to, which I didn't. I needed to taste her cum as she clenched my head between her thighs, tipping over the edge. And when she did, I sucked her, drinking every drop of her arousal.
"God, you taste good.Allof you. Every fucking inch." I rose and leaned over to the nightstand, grabbing a condom and rolling it on.
She looked up at me in a blissful haze, and I took a mental picture so I could remember that look forever. It pained me to know that someone else in the future would cause that look and get to hear her moans, taste her skin, feel her pussy clench around their dick.
All because I was a cowardanda liar.
Ashleigh started to turn to get on all fours. It was usually how we fucked because I loved her ass and watching my balls slap against her as I pounded into her.
Not today.
"No," I said and reached out to stop her. Missionary wasn't my style, but being the selfish prick everyone thought I was, I needed it for our last time.
She gave me a confused look but then turned to lie on her back. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her what I needed—what I wanted—but again, I didn't. Instead, I sank between her parted legs, grabbed her hands, and pulled her arms over her head while I moved inside of her. She closed her eyes.
"Look at me," I whispered, and as we stared at each other, I had the feeling that she knew what I was doing.
This was goodbye.
My heart felt heavy.
Never had I ever thought that Nicholas Hawkins would make love, but he did. And he didn’t just make love, he made love tome. Slow, passionate lovemaking until we both came. As we laid together, I knew it was the final time unless I hired him again, which I wasn't going to. Not because I didn't want to keep seeing him, but because I didn't think my heart could handle it. I knew what he did for a living, and I wanted to find someone I didn't have to share, even if it was his job.
And what was I going to do? Say, "Hey, we just went through some shit, but before that, I fell in love with you, and I was wondering if you'd quit your job to be with me?"
Yeah, right.
Finally, we got out of bed, and Nick found shorts and a T-shirt for me to wear.
"I look like a slob," I said, looking at myself in the mirror.
"You're beautiful."
I smiled back at him. "Thank you, but I can't believe we're going out in public with me dressed like this."
