“Been doing that all morning trying to shake this, but nothing is staying down and I feel like crap.”
“Go rest. I’ve got you covered.”
“Thanks again.”
After we hung up, I didn’t know how long I stared at the wall, trying to tell myself that attending a hockey game wasn’t going to affect me once I stepped foot into the arena.
But I knew better than that.
* * *
The last timeI saw a hockey game, either in person or on television, it was to watch my boyfriend play.
Jonah and I had met at a gay club and I had been starstruck when I saw him walk in through the door. Since I had been the one to photograph all the games at the time, I recognized him immediately. I’d had no idea he was gay, though, and as I watched him make his way toward the bar, I could tell he was nervous. Once I bought him a drink, he loosened up. After a few cocktails, we went back to my place, and even though it had almost been a mood killer, he made me sign a non-disclosure agreement before we hooked up.
After our first night together, whenever the Bruins had played at home, I shot the games and then went to my place and waited for Jonah to come over. We would stay at my house, never going out to do anything as a couple except occasionally hanging out with the one teammate he confided in, and I had been okay with our arrangement until I wasn’t.
It had been hard living a secret, and when I had begged him to come out because I couldn’t stand hiding our relationship any longer, we’d gotten into a fight. He left, only to lose control of his car on an icy road.
I still beat myself up over it because if I hadn’t been self-centered, we would have never gotten into the spat that had made him walk out my door. He’d only had a few more years of playing left, and I should have stuck it out. Plenty of men and women hid for one reason or another, and having known Jonah did so because of the sports world, it should have been okay with me.
Snatching my press badge from my center console, I slipped it around my head and opened the door to my SUV. I took a deep breath and grabbed my camera bag. Unfortunately, no matter how much I wanted to get the night over with, I knew I had to stay for the entire game.
With each step I took toward the door, my palms seemed to sweat more. I had just been at the arena the night before for the basketball game, but if someone were to see me now, they’d probably assume it was my first day on the job because I looked so nervous, so unsure. I kept looking around as though I would see Jonah—that he would be wearing his pre-game suit and enter the locker room as he had so many times in the four years we dated.
I adjusted the bag strap on my shoulder, held up my badge to the door attendant, and then made my way to the dedicated area for the press. There was a little cut out in the plexiglass for my EF 70-200mm telephoto lens, and I took my camera out and got ready for the players to skate onto the ice.
Within minutes, both teams came out for warm-ups and I snapped picture after picture. The shots I would use forThe Hubwould be of the game, but I needed to make sure my settings were correct given a hockey rink was much different from a basketball court. For one, I had to set my white balance correctly given all the white: the ice, the running boards, and even the away team’s jersey. It was standard in the NHL for the home team to wear their colors and the away team to be in white.
Even though I knew hockey, I was going to be at a disadvantage for the game because I had no clue who to focus on in the fast-paced game. I wasn’t familiar with the players anymore because I hadn’t followed the game in three years. Well, except one, and he was skating my way. I pulled my lens from the opening so we could speak to each other.
“I thought that was you,” Emmett Cooper said as he skidded to a stop. He had been Jonah’s best friend on the team and the only one who had known Jonah’s sexuality.
I noticed the yellow C on his jersey. The same one Jonah had worn when he had been the captain. “What’s up, Coop? Haven’t seen you—”Since Jonah’s funeral.
He smiled warmly. “Yeah. It’s been a long time. Glad to see you back behind the glass.”
“It feels good,” I lied. My nerves were still racing, and I hoped that once the game started and I was doing my thing, I wouldn’t think about the past.
“We should catch up sometime.” A puck slid around the baseboard and he hit it away.
“Yeah, I’d love that.” I wasn’t sure if I was lying or not, but it seemed like the proper response.
“Cool. Hit me up sometime soon.”
“Will do.” I smiled, and it was a genuine one because I liked Coop, especially since I knew Jonah had trusted him and valued their friendship.
Coop skated off, and I put my lens back into the opening and continued to capture some shots. Once the players were done warming up, the teams went to their respective locker rooms, and I sat back in my chair.
Even though I frequented the arena for basketball games and knew the surroundings, I found myself scanning the crowd, only to lock eyes with the person I had thought about first thing that morning.
7
Tyler
When the final buzzer sounded,my gaze flicked to where Professor Foster stood on the other side of the arena. I’d paid more attention to him than I had to most of the action on the ice. He’d looked in my direction a few times in between periods and during timeouts, but would turn away whenever he realized I’d caught him staring. To my surprise, Fallon hadn’t noticed our teacher the entire time.
With the game over, we stood to leave and I watched as my teacher packed up his equipment and rushed out of the press area. The first day of class, he mentioned he worked as a sports photographer for a local news outlet, but I had no idea he covered hockey. I was disappointed when he didn’t offer me another glance before he bailed because with every stolen look we had shared, there had been a split second when he appeared as tortured about our situation as I felt.
