“Okay, how about I answer that question first,” he suggests as he places the straw between my lips again. “I’ve been attracted to you for months, which is what made protecting you so second nature for me. The fate bonds are just a formality, in my opinion. Or a proverbial green light, if you will. Because it means I’m allowed to pursue my interest now.”
Nox nods. “That. I agree with all of that. It’s just an excuse to be allowed to finally touch you the way I’ve wanted to from the beginning.” He frowns then, his blue irises swirling. “Unless you don’t want me to touch you, I mean.” His arms loosen. “You’re doubting the bonds, so you don’t feel the same way?”
I grab his shoulders and push the straw out of my mouth. “No, no, that’s not what I mean at all. I just… I’m asking… I don’t know what I’m asking. I’m confused and wondering what would be happening if we weren’t bonded.”
I’m royally fucking this up by overthinking it,I decide.
But I don’t want to trick them into anything, either.
Ugh. Why does this have to be so complicated?
Because Daithi O’Neely messed with my soul on Patrick O’Neely’s demand.
I nearly scowl.
Fucking patriarch.
Even now, they own me. Control me. Binding my spirit to their will from thousands of miles away.
I hate them.Allof them. Because this isn’t just about Patrick O’Neely and my father. It’s about all seven patriarchs and their penchant for commanding every situation.
One of these days, I’ll make them pay,I vow. I have no idea how, but I will.
“That’s an intense look,” Nox murmurs, dragging my focus back to him and Bane. “I hope it’s not meant for us.”
“It’s not,” I promise. “I… I started thinking about something unrelated.”Sort of.I shake my head. “I just…” I pinch my lips to the side. “Actually, you know what? I don’t want to think anymore.” It’s exhausting and overrated, and I’m tired of these mental circles.
“We can help with that,” Nox offers, his eyes dancing around the lagoon. “We can swim wherever you want. Just point and we’ll venture that way.”
“I don’t want to swim,” I tell him. “I… I want you.”
It’s a bold statement, one I would never have made mere days ago. But it comes from a place deep within me that needs to feel something other than confusion. Something passionate. Somethingwarm.
“I want both of you,” I whisper, emboldened by the hungry gleams in Bane’s and Nox’s eyes. They’re both staring at me like I’m the center of their universe, their own personal sun.
Maybe it’s all in my head.
Maybe I’ve lost my damn mind.
But I don’t care.
I need this. I needthem.
“Please,” I add, swallowing. “I—”
Nox presses his lips to mine, silencing my plea. It’s soft and tender and so very different from the violence I experienced with Kaspian earlier. But it’s absolutely perfect. And it’s exactly what I’m craving.
He makes me feel adored. Understood.Alive.
“Do you want us here or in a private room?” Nox asks after a beat, the words caressing my mouth. “In the water or on a bed?”
“I…” I don’t know. Part of me wants to stay here so my confidence can remain intact. But having our first experience in the water may be too much. While it’s romantic and warm, the edges of the lagoon are all surrounded by jagged rocks.Where will we…?
“How about we start here,” Bane suggests softly, his knuckles running along my arm. “Then we’ll move to a room if things progress in that direction.”
He probably assumes my hesitation is related to my previous experiences with Klas, but I don’t correct him. Instead, I nod.
Because I don’t want to make any more decisions. That requires thinking, and I don’t want to think.
