He tried to save me, I kept thinking.He sacrificed his relationships with Az and Lucifer… for me.
That wasn’t what I wanted at all.
No one should ever have to give up their loyalties for another person. No one should ever be forced to choose.
“I thought Lucifer just wanted to punish me,” he went on. “I touched something that didn’t belong to me. I acknowledged that. But I didn’t expect him to punish you, too.” His dark eyes burned into mine as he finally looked at me. “I should never have told you to put on those chains. I’m sorry, Cami. You have no idea how sorry I am… for everything.”
The sincerity in his features rivaled Melek’s from just moments ago, the two men making my head spin with their unexpected apologies.
Maybe I died,I mused.Maybe Lucifer killed me and this is some form of the afterlife. But is it Heaven or Hell?
I nearly laughed at the very human concept of death. I’d been to literal Hell now. I knew what that was like.
And this didn’t feel all that hellish. It felt… kind of nice.
Of course, it didn’t fully cure my anger. Lucifer had humiliated me while Ajax and the others had just stood by and watched.
But Ajax hadn’t been a willing participant.
Az had forced him to comply with Lucifer’s punishment, providing Ajax with his own personal sort of hell. He’d told me what had happened to his family and to Emelyn, how Constantine had forced him to watch them die.
Lucifer’s actions hadn’t been nearly that violent, at least not on the stage in his club. He’d just been maniacal and cruel. But I would eventually overcome the trauma of the incident. Hell, I was mostly over it already anyway.
So a bunch of Hell Fae saw me mostly naked on a stage. It wasn’t any different from what they’d seen in the trials. They hadn’t been allowed to touch me, only talk to me. And most of them hadn’t even been all that inappropriate with their words.
Was I ever going to forgive Lucifer for his part in it? No. I probably wouldn’t forgive Az either, especially knowing what he’d done to Ajax.
And Melek, well, I wasn’t even sure where to begin with him and his cryptic meddling.
Whereas Ajax… I might be able to forgive Ajax.
Not yet. Not now. It was too fresh. But eventually, I probably could.
“I can’t say I forgive you,” I admitted. “However, my anger isn’t so much directed at you as it is at Lucifer and Az.”
He swallowed and dipped his chin in acknowledgment. “I understand.” He huffed a humorless laugh. “Ireallyunderstand. I’m pissed at them, too. They…” He trailed off and shook his head. “This isn’t about me. Never mind.”
“No, tell me,” I said, rearranging the sheet to better cover my nudity and leaning forward a bit. “It’ll distract me. Or maybe I’ll be able to relate.”
He considered me for a moment, then drew his leg up onto the bed to face me, his opposite limb hanging off the edge.
“I trusted them, and they burned that trust by taking away my ability to choose. They might not know everything about what happened to me, but they know enough. And using my past against me as punishment…” He scowled. “Intentional or not, I don’t think I can forgive that.”
“I don’t know if I could either,” I admitted.
Ajax and Az had a history, one I might not fully understand but certainly had noticed in our time together. For Az to be so obtuse, soinconsiderate, was inexcusable.
And Lucifer… well, I highly doubted he was oblivious to his methods. He knew what he was doing.Evil incarnate.
I might be a bit biased, all things considered, but Lucifer certainly seemed sinister enough to purposely design a punishment meant to pluck at the heartstrings.
Although, Melek had made it sound like the whole arrangement had been for his benefit.
“His methods were clearly designed with my proclivities in mind. I think it was his way of showing support.”
Is he right?I wondered.Or is it a combination of some kind?
Ajax sighed and fell back onto the bed, his torso near my feet, only he was on top of the blankets, not beneath them like me.
