This was… not a good sign. Nothing good ever comes when the person you’re dating says you’ve got totalk.
My heart started pounding harder as I stood. “Yeah. Of course.”
My dad immediately grabbed his coat. “I’ll leave you boys to it. Come on, Maggie,” he called, and dad’s princess ran to the door. “I’ll be back in, oh… twenty minutes or so,” he said, giving me a knowing nod before him and Maggie left.
Calvin didn’t move.
Something was very wrong.
I walked slowly around the couch, standing just far enough away that it felt strange. “Cal? Look, before you say anything, let me apologize. I was stupid.I know. But I didn’t… realize what I must have put you through today.”
“You mean the part where you nearly had your skull smashed in?”
I nodded. “That would be the part,” I whispered.
He looked away, staring at the entertainment system.
When had Ella stopped singing? I hadn’t noticed.
“Baby…,” he said quietly, sort of trailing off.
“I want you to stop working so much,” I blurted out.
Calvin looked back at me.
I nodded furiously and balled my hands into fists. “As soon as we started dating, you went into work overdrive. I thought you had big cases and bosses breathing down your neck, but after Quinn told me differently? She’s worried about you too, Calvin. You’re working yourself to death, and I don’t… want to lose you. Not for a long goddamn time, do you hear me? I’m talking canes and liver spots and pants hiked up to our chests.”
Calvin didn’t speak. He shifted his weight slightly from one foot to the other, but otherwise, not a response.
“I want to spend time with you,” I continued. “And I get that you have a demanding job, and that you love what you do. But to find out that you stay late, don’t sleep or eat, when you have the opportunity to come home? We don’t have to doanything! You want to de-stress by eating takeout and watching hockey and nothing more—I’m down. Let’s do it. I’m not a needy guy. My only request is that you don’t kill yourself!”
“The same could be said about you, Sebastian,” Calvin said suddenly.
“What?”
“Any regular person, after nearly getting blown up, would let the police do their fucking job,” he snapped. “But not you. You’ve got to be Sherlock.”
“This isn’t about my dumb choices, Calvin. I’m being serious!”
“So am I!” Calvin moved forward, and as he got close and I could make out his features better, I realized how pissed he was. “I had to shoot a man today because of you.”
“He’s fine. And not a good guy, anyway. He tried to kill that poor girl!”
Calvin jabbed his finger against my chest. “I shot him because ofyou. When I ran into that club, I didn’t know if you were dead or alive. I couldn’t fuckingbreathe, Sebastian. It was like every fear I had was coming true. I told you how scared I was. Of us—of something happening to you because ofus.”
“Ricky didn’t stop to ask if I enjoyed cock.”
“No, but Luther North had some fucking opinions. This man has threatened you and is still suspect numero uno in the murder of Meredith Brown!” Calvin said forcefully.
“This isn’t about either of us being gay, Calvin!It’s not! It’s not about holding hands in public. Jesus Christ. I could blow you in public and no one would even consider trying to piss you off. This is about you and your mental health! Construe it how you want, but your PTSD is fucking destroying you and it’s breaking my heart!”
Calvin’s expression dropped, the crease in his brow softening. His jaw muscles were tense. “Didn’t I say it was inevitable?” he asked, all at once very tired-sounding.
I shook my head in confusion before I understood what he meant. Calvin’s reluctance toward dating to begin with was because of his PTSD. He was convinced he’dbreak my heart.
“No,” I said firmly. I grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him closer. “It’s not the same thing, and you damn well know it. It hurts me because I—Calvin. I love you so much, it’s like I’ve outdone the Grinch. My heart has grown a hundred sizes, and it’s still not big enough to hold my love for you. That shit is fucking pouring out all over the place, and it’s sappy and stupid and people are probably sick to death of hearing me talk about you.”
Calvin’s eyes were shiny, and he took a strangled breath. “First time you’ve said it.”
