I snorted and brought the cigarette to my lips again. “Thanks.”
“Sure.”
I didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I tried to not think of anything but inhale, exhale, and tap the ash. I was like Joe Pesci when I was agitated. Not a pretty scene, and I definitely didn’t want Jun to remember my kitchen freak-out as one of the highlights of his trip.
I looked up. Jun was staring. “How did I land someone like you?” I asked. It was more of an internal thought, but it sort of slipped out. Once, Jun had been nothing to me but my boyfriend’s partner. And now…. Now he was everything to me.
“That’s what I’ve been asking myself all day,” Jun answered. He put his hands on either side of the sink, keeping me pinned where I was.
“Ever think that sometimes we have to get royally screwed over so we can appreciate life better?”
“How do you mean?”
“Matt was a shitty boyfriend,” I stated.
Jun nodded but didn’t say anything. Maybe out of respect for the fact that they’d worked together for several years.
“And I fell for that hardass, bad-boy vibe,” I continued. “Even when he treated me poorly, I just took it because he was this guy who was big and strong and so much cooler than me. When he cheated, I thought—you know, he must have had a reason. So there had to be something wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Jun answered, his voice barely above a whisper.
I stared at my nearly finished cigarette. “When I met you, the voice of reason that kept Matt from putting his foot in his mouth, I think that’s when I started liking you. You were always so calm and collected. I enjoyed hanging out with you. I should have recognized back then that you were so obviously the better choice, but… maybe I would have never learned how you felt if Matt hadn’t been the way he was.” I reached awkwardly around Jun’s arms to tap ash off the cigarette. “Would you have ever called me on your own? If Sebastian never reached out to the FBI?”
Jun’s gaze sort of wandered. “I’m not sure.”
I took another drag from the cigarette.
Jun looked at me again. “I was in love with you for a long time, even after you moved. It felt like a part of me left with you.”
Jesus Christ. My hand with the cigarette shook a little.
“It would have hurt if you didn’t want to renew our friendship. But I… think I couldn’t bear having my heart broken again, having you in my life once more and still keeping at arm’s length.”
“But youdidcall,” I said, managing to not have my voice crack as I spoke.
Jun smiled a little. “Because you’d given my name to Sebastian, not Matt’s. I thought… you remembered me for a reason.”
“I’m glad you did,” I insisted. “Duh, right?”
Jun’s eyes crinkled in the corners. “Duh,” he agreed.
I put my free hand on his slender hip. “Dating the wrong guy taught me a lot. And I can be dense. I need hands-on learning activities.”
Jun chuckled. He reached for my cigarette and took the last drag. He dropped the butt into the sink and exhaled slowly. “I love you very much. And I’m honored you’ve given me a chance to earn hearing those words from you.”
My throat tightened. How the hell did Jun get away with saying things like that and still come off as cool and suave and utterly sincere? I reached up with both hands and put them around the back of his neck. I pulled Jun down to me.
Our mouths touched.
Simple, sweet, and with just a bite of nicotine.
Chapter Six
THERE HADN’Tbeen sex.
In fact, I was lucky I’d even managed to make it upstairs after the cigarette and kiss, because I was so tired, I thought I’d puke and pass out. It was the kind of fatigue that made your skin hurt. Totally brutal, but somehow I’d navigated the stairs, changed into pajamas, and even remained vertical long enough to take a leak.
Anyway, I slept like I was dead. But the life of a narcoleptic was both too much sleep and never enough, and all good things came to an end.
