I cleared my throat and took a step back. “I’ll go change.”
I walked through the living room and heard Dillon patter behind me, then stop at the bottom of the stairs as I went up. Once I reached the loft, I stood at the foot of the bed and undressed. I made a folded pile before finding my pajamas pants and tugging those on. I sifted through the T-shirts hanging up in the closet, picked one of Calvin’s, and pulled it over my head.
The scent was a brief comfort, but my reflection in the mirror beside the door was a fucking joke, shattering the respite my partner’s clothing had given. Calvin was a brick wall, all height and muscle. I looked like I was drowning in his shirt.
Too many cookies. A sedentary lifestyle. Soft hands from working with pages instead of firearms.
Maroon sweater.
Red socks.
“Stupid….”
Suck it up.
It would be okay.
Just another moment of insecurity.
That was all.
I yanked the shirt off, grabbed one of my own, and put it on. I found a paper bag on the floor from part of the moving mess, stuffed the day’s clothing into it, took Calvin’s shirt into my other hand, and went downstairs.
“Here.” I held out the bag as I reached Neil once again.
He took it and glanced at Calvin’s shirt in my hand. “That too?”
I shook my head. “It’s Calvin’s.”
“All right.” Neil turned a bit, then paused. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
He knew. “If you want—no one will blame—” Neil paused and collected his thoughts. “I’ll stay, if you want company. I’ll call Winter and let him know so he’s not, you know, taken off guard or something.”
“Thanks… but… I think I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?”
I smiled and waved my free hand in an “ehhh” fashion.
Neil looked down at the bag of clothes. “I’ll have these checked out for trace evidence.”
“There’s probably nothing,” I said. “I went for a walk afterward and picked up dinner.”
“Better to be safe.” Neil started for the door. “Come lock this behind me.”
I followed, murmured a goodbye, and shut the door. I glanced through the peephole. Neil was standing in the hall. I turned the dead bolt on the door, and when he heard it, he left.
Silence settled on my shoulders like heavy weights.
I wished my ego hadn’t sent Neil away. I was sure he wanted to go to bed after a long day, but he’d offered to stay. And this apartment was new. Unfamiliar. I was still learning the sounds the building and its occupants made.
I walked across the room, and Dillon followed. I picked up a few throw pillows from the couch and tucked them under one arm. I grabbed one of the chairs from the partially buried table with the other, and dragged it to the door. I shoved the chair under the knob, made sure it was secure, then got down on the floor.
I put my head on one of the pillows and pressed Calvin’s shirt against my chest.
Dillon lay down at my side.
