I felt I had been quite calm and down-to-earth about all of the events the past week. Two dead bodies—one that I found, no less—the break-in, getting knocked out, losing Neil, the harassing notes—I’d taken it all in stride. I’d been able to deal with a murder investigation pretty damn well. God, I was even sleuthing around despite the threats of being in hot water with a certain redheaded cop.
But it was that same cop that made me feel like my heart was breaking.
It’s a bizarre sensation, the feeling that you’ve met your other half, but that’s really what Calvin made me feel. Like I’ve been wandering through life with a half a circle on my chest and everyone I’ve been with had a square on theirs. Except that when I finally found the guy that completes my circle, it turns out he can’t stay mine.
For whatever reason it was. Married to the job, not a relationship sort of guy, too closeted—maybe he was even the self-loathing gay man who marries a woman to try to be “normal.” Thinking of Calvin asleep in that chair at the hospital when he was unwilling to leave my side, coming back to drive me home, cuddling after sex—it had all meant so much to me.
“Sebastian?”
I picked up my napkin and reached under my sunglasses to wipe my eyes. “Yeah?”
“Kiddo, I’m sorry. I didn’t… I don’t want you crying,” my dad said quietly as he reached out to pat my hand.
“I’m okay,” I heard myself insist, my voice sounding very unlike my own. “It’s not your fault.”
“Did Calvin say something to you this morning?” Pop asked, on the defense again, seeing his adult son was actually a pathetic baby crying in public.
“No. Dad, don’t worry.” I finished drying my eyes.
“It’s hard not to when you’re this upset.”
I steered the topic away from myself after that. We finished brunch with an uncomfortable weight over us, me avoiding discussion of Calvin and my dad trying not to press his concern onto me.
Maybe some people just weren’t meant to have a partner in life. I suppose I could deal with that reality.
It was just lonely.
MAX CALLEDwhen I was walking back to the subway. “Seb?” He sounded concerned.
“What’s wrong?” I immediately asked. “I’m on my way back now.”
“Okay. Cool.”
“Max?”
“I was just finishing with all those boxes of books…. Sebastian, I think someone went through them. Nothing is missing! But my organization is all messed up, and I swear when your dad and I were here yesterday, it was perfect.”
I stopped walking and moved to the edge of the sidewalk, out of the way. “Are you sure no one this morning—?”
“No. Only two customers have come in so far, and I had eyes on them the entire time,” Max insisted. “Can you please come back soon? This place is starting to freak me out a little.”
“Is Beth open?”
“I assume so,” he answered.
I took a breath. “If you’re nervous to be there alone, Max, lock up and go next door.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Something weird is—” My breath caught.
Holy shit.Holy shit.
I’d completely forgot. I fuckingforgot!
Holy—
“Seb? Hello?”
