I went and gathered a change of clothes and a few items from the bathroom. It definitely wasn’t a sleepover for sex if I was bringing my lens solution and toothbrush, right? I couldn’t sleep with Calvin again. I couldn’t. I wanted to be with him so badly that if I teased myself again, knowing now that he would simply never ask me to date him—no. It hurt too much. No sex with Calvin. I’d sleep on his couch, he’d be satisfied I was safe, and my heart would beat on for another day.
I came back into the front room. “Reporting for duty, Captain.”
Calvin offered a lopsided smile. “Major,” he corrected.
“My apologies, sir,” I said with a grin.
“Dork. Come on.” Calvin opened the door and held his hand out.
Was I supposed to take it?
At my hesitation Calvin made the decision for me. He took my hand into his and led me out. He kept holding it as I locked the door, his fingers woven into my own. This man would be the death of me.
I can’t date you.
I’m not asking you to go through that again.
He basically told me he wasn’t worth the inevitable heartache.
And yet Calvin acted against his own words, as if he couldn’t bear to face his self-imposed loneliness yet. In the stairwell he held my hand with such obvious affection that it tore me apart, knowing once we stepped into the world outside, Snow and Winter would never be. And sure enough, too soon, the cold night greeted us and his hand slid free from mine.
CALVIN’S APARTMENTwas nice.
In thatnever been lived insort of way.
So really, it felt quite lonely.
It was very clean and very minimal, a stark contrast to my little abode crammed full with books, too much furniture for its size, and antique odds and ends I couldn’t get myself to sell at the Emporium. It was actually smaller than mine, a true New York studio the size of a large closet. There was a decent-sized bed near the windows toward the back, pushed up against a bare brick wall. A string of lights had been nailed into the bricks, their subdued, warm glow just what my tired eyes needed.
I took off my sunglasses as Calvin shut the door behind us, putting my regular glasses on. There was a television across from the bed with a PlayStation hooked up, which made me realize how much more I had to learn about Calvin, as I hadn’t thought him to be the video game sort. There was a small nightstand by the bed with a lamp, and then an open space before the kitchen started across from the door. It was smaller than my own, with a tiny vintage fridge and a stovetop with only two burners and no oven. There were two cupboards overhead and a standing shelf off to the side that had dried goods neatly organized on it.
Other than that, it was a bachelor pad to the extreme. There were no photos or pieces of art hanging, no knickknacks around that might have spoken as to the personality of the owner. I also noted he didn’t have a couch I could crash on.
Calvin took off his coat and hung it on the back of the door before motioning for my own.
I handed it over. “Nice place,” I said quietly.
He shrugged. “Bathroom is right there if you need it,” he said, pointing to the closed door just past the kitchen.
I couldn’t imagine how tiny that must have been.
“Hungry?” Calvin asked.
“Actually, yeah,” I said in mild surprise. “I haven’t eaten since I saw my dad late this morning.”
Calvin raised an eyebrow as he pulled his cell from his pocket. “After you went to the precinct?”
I nodded.
He looked back down at his phone, swiping sideways a few times before opening an app. After a moment of scrolling, he asked, “Pizza?”
“Good pizza?”
“The best,” he agreed. “What do you like?”
“Just cheese.”
Calvin smiled as he picked from the menu and placed the order.
