Trope: Only One Bed
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AfterThe Mystery of the Bones
POV: Calvin Winter
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I stepped through the front door of 4B just as a high-pitched, erotic gasp sounded from the television, followed by a string of colorful cusses from my husband. Sebastian stood in front of the entertainment system, close to the screen, jabbing at the remote in one hand. I closed the door, threw the deadbolt, and met his gaze when he jerked his head up. “Hi.”
“It’s not what it sounds like.”
I unbuttoned my pea coat. “Sounds like the Food Network.”
Sebastian snorted and started vigorously punching buttons again. “If the end goal was a bun in the oven, yeah.”
“Why’re you watching straight porn?” I asked. I shrugged the coat off, shook the snow from it, and set it on the rack beside the door. I crouched to take off my soaking wet shoes.
“I’m not. I’m looking for the Weather Channel.”
“Ninety-three,” I said, setting the oxfords beside the door and crossing the room, pausing to pat Dillon’s head.
“Really?” Sebastian found the station and looked at me a second time as a meteorologist excitedly discussed the incoming Nor’easter. “I thought it was in the hundreds.”
I shook my head.
He pointed at the television as he stepped around it to meet me at the loft stairs. “When did we sign up for a porn package?”
“We didn’t, but that explains our last bill. I’ll call them tomorrow.”
“I don’t even know who’d bother with cable porn these days,” Sebastian continued. “It’s all the same. Bodacious, barely legal babes and lusty, lonely housewives.” He put a hand on the back of my neck and pulled me down into a kiss. “You’re cold.”
“I had to park half a dozen blocks away. Some asshole on our street took up two spots.” I started up the stairs, with Sebastian trailing a few steps behind.
“You should have him towed.”
“Not during a blizzard.”
“The mayor declared a state of emergency for the city.”
“I heard,” I answered. I shrugged my suit coat off and tossed it to the bed. I unbuckled my shoulder holster and stored it in the closet, while Sebastian hovered at the stairs to my back. “Emporium closed tomorrow?”
“Yup.”
I peeled my wet socks off and tossed them into the hamper with the rest of the dirty laundry.
“You know the pornos that begin with shitty setups?”
I glanced at Sebastian as I unbuttoned my shirt. “Like the repairman stopping by to fix the cable-dishwasher-vacuum cleaner?”
He nodded. “I never understood that. I mean,I do—introduce sexy characters so the viewer is invested for the entirety of the humping—but honestly, how decent of a job do the actors ever do?”
“They weren’t hired for their grasp on the character’s emotional arc, baby.” I tossed the shirt into the basket and bit back a smile when Sebastian’s gaze dropped and lingered on my bare skin.
“But do you know how much more appealing those introductions would be if they used classic romance tropes?” he asked upon looking back up.
“I do not.”
