“Spin it again.”
I glanced at Calvin before hastily flicking the spinner a second time. “Right hand, red.”
Calvin sent another text, and then the display altered in design, shifted in light intensity, and reflected what I had to only assume was a bright red. I could feel Calvin watching me, and then his hand returned to my neck. “You all right?”
I nodded and wiped my nose on my coat sleeve. “How’re you doing this?”
“Drones. A detective I used to work with in Major Cases is a big techie. He does light shows in place of fireworks in his spare time.”
“I bet you’re paying a lot of money for this.”
Calvin squeezed my nape. “I’m sorry I’ve been MIA.”
“You’ve had a lot going on.”
“Yeah.” Calvin nodded. Swallowed. He looked at the sky—the drones were moving in unison like a flock of birds. “I’ve done a lot of thinking.”
I tried to suck in a breath, but my lungs felt like cement balloons. “Okay.”
He looked at me again. “Do you like the drones? I thought, maybe a visual representation of the colors at your choosing would make it better. Or different. I don’t mean to imply—”
“No, no,” I blurted out before hastily wiping my eyes. “I like it. Color association. Being able to decipher different shades of gray. Can I spin it again?”
“Sure.”
I flicked it a third time and announced, “Right hand, yellow.”
Calvin sent another text and the light show changed once more.
“I’d like to make it official,” he said at length, drawing his fingers up the back of my neck and into my hair. “Between us.”
“R-really?”
“If I haven’t completely thrown away my shot.”
I shook my head. “You haven’t. I’m stillreallyinterested. But I understand that being out is still new, so I’m trying not to push you. But I can’t go back in the closet either. Not after everything with Neil—”
“Don’t ever deny a part of who you are for someone else’s comfort,” Calvin said firmly. “It’s a miserable, shit existence. Understand?”
I softly concurred.
His expression relaxed and he resumed dragging his fingers through my hair. “I have baggage. I think you… know that. But coming out to my family was like the weight that’d been crushing my chest for thirty years was finally lifted. Ido notregret that. And I know it’s important we do that for ourselves, but I did it for you too. Being out is… yeah, it’s new and a bit overwhelming, but I’m okay. You’re leading the charge, and Ipromise, I’ll follow wherever you go.”
