It completely sucks that I missed him so much. I’m almost ready to jump straight into his lap. In spite of everything, just seeing him gives me a feeling of contentment…like everything is right if he’s in my life.
“Okay,” Brad says. “I’m not sure what Scarlett said, but I’m sure it wasn’t detailed, so I’ll start at the beginning.”
He looks up at me and fixes me with his bright blue eyes, and I’ve never seen him look so serious.
“I was undercover, working on breaking crime rings that were running through the bar where you worked. I tried to stay away from you, but it just seemed like every night I was there, you were, too.”
“I feel the same,” I agree, smiling. “Getting involved with customers is, like, the stupidest thing you can do. I tried to stay away, but I couldn’t stop myself from lingering at your table.”
“Yeah,” he says, smiling at the memory. “I should have just completely changed my routine or tapped out to another Shadow, but I was selfish. I just wanted to see you one more time, and I kept telling myself that—just once more, I’d keep saying.”
“I know what you mean.”
“I want you to know something, right now, Alisha,” he says, almost sternly. “I wouldn’t do anything different. Being with you has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I’ll never regret it.”
“Okay,” I answer, a small smile coming to my face. “I can understand that. I’m glad, too. I never would have forgotten you, either.”
Brad looks away and sighs, guilt rippling across his face.
“I should not have pursued you. It was damn right fucking selfish and dangerous. I brought you into my world. It was so, so stupid, for so many reasons.”
I don’t have anything to say to that, and in the face of his guilt, my anger rises. I know it is justified, but he looks so wrecked, I can’t bear to take it out on him.
“So, the mission came to a head. I was at risk of having my cover blown. I had to get out of there quick to protect my unit and you. We ended up getting the bad guys, too, and I just left with the military that very night.”
“You think I don’t remember how suddenly you left?” I say, hearing the accusation in my voice. “I went to the police, for fuck’s sakes. I thought something happened to you!”
“I’m truly sorry about that,” he answers. “And even sorrier that officially, I don’t even exist.”
“Got that right!” I snap. “I thought I got played by a fucking ghost!”
“A Shadow, actually,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s what we do. We vanish.”
“You sure as hell fucking did that!” I cry, my anger finally slipping free from my control.
“Look, Alisha,” Brad says, running a hand through his hair. “Even if I hadn’t had to move on for the mission, it wasn’t going to work. Having a relationship was utterly forbidden, and I would have been locked up by my own commanders if they found out—and they might have gone after you, too.”
“What?” I almost scream.
“Yeah. You’d be considered a loose end, a potential liability. Wolf’s Shadow doesn’t kill innocent people, but they also have ways of keeping people quiet.”
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter.
“Yeah. Do you see why I didn’t tell you?”
“I do. But I have to know—was the connection as deep for you as it was for me?”
“Yes, baby, yes!” Brad exclaims, hurrying over to kneel at my feet. He takes my hands gently, and Sabrina gives him a one-eyed blink. “I knew you were my mate,” Brad adds. “But I slowly convinced myself that you weren’t, and I was just imagining things. I told myself that I couldn’t possibly know how serious a relationship was after a couple of months, so I never called or wrote.”
This news cuts me pretty deep, and I try to swallow it, even as hot tears prick the edges of my eyes.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he says, stroking my knee. “I really am. You’re the only thing in the world that ever meant anything to me, and I almost threw you away. I’m such a fucking fool, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
I shake my head, speechless as tears trickle down my cheeks.
“I wasn’t strong enough to set my priorities straight,” he says. “And I never told you this before because the guilt shackled me, and I didn’t know how to break free from it. I just wanted you to see who I’ve become, and judge me as the man I am now, instead of who I used to be.”
I swallow again, and the lump in my throat finally moves and melts away.
