Dear Jane! Of course, she would not turn her back on me. She would not permit me to ride home alone in disgrace. Itwassweet of her, but it only twisted the knives embedded deep inside. Before scalding tears broke free, I mumbled excuses and fled the table.
Because no matter the companionship offered, brutal truth remained——every anchor and guiding star orienting me towards home had been forever extinguished. No lighthouse beckoned this small, drifting vessel safely back to harbor. And every time I had felt sure that I belonged somewhere at last, that magic carpet had been yanked from under my feet. How long until Longbourn, too, tired of me as Pemberley had?
An hour later, I watched numbly as Uncle Gardiner and his coachman secured our luggage on the back of the carriage for our departure. Every thud of trunk meeting boot was like the scraping of my heart against my ribs. What few wounds had started mending this glorious summer lay ruthlessly torn wide again. I blinked fiercely, taking one last look around the beloved landscape through stinging eyes.
Footsteps crunched the gravel behind me, and then Aunt Gardiner’s comforting arms enfolded me, her gentle hand smoothing my hair and retying my bonnet. Neither of us trusted our voices just then. At length, she pressed her cheek to mine in silent farewell before holding me at arm’s length, eyes brimming with equal parts compassion and purpose.
“Courage, child. This is not the ending your true heart seeks. A time shall come to claim the answers and understand.”
I managed a wobbly nod. “Thank you, Aunt. Thank you for bringing me.” I forced a quaking smile. “At least I got to see the Peaks again.”
When Uncle Gardiner handed us in, Jane wrapped me fast to her side, all tender solace. My sodden handkerchief twisted unmercifully in my fingers as the beloved hills and distant crenelated towers whipped past the window. Sweet anguish clawed my throat raw.Farewell, Pemberley.
Farewell to the friend once sheltering joyful girlhood within gentle halls. Farewell to the man awakening poignant longings too piercing to examine closely. Whatever bitter providence tore me away again, I would never forget the treasured hours restoring fleeting peace to a battered heart.
Nor could I forgive the callous schemes consigning me back to desolation’s empty wilderness. Fate may compel us to live as strangers, but no force could erase the luminous hours fate granted, however brief… or the staggering discovery of love anchoring me beyond all power to forget.
Mercifully, no one demanded idle chatter as the carriage bumped over the road toward Lambton. I kept a rigid gaze fixed outside, the passing landscape blurred by scalding tears none must witness. Silent sympathy hovered oppressive as thunderclouds across our little party while emotion threatened to shatter my tenuous composure.
At length came Uncle Gardiner’s weighted sigh. He rapped the roof once without speaking further. But my pulse lurched strangely when the crossroad to Lambton approached, yet we turned off toward the east. Had I misremembered our route? But no—this road led deeper into Derbyshire’s snug heart, away from the borders I knew so well.
Ten mystifying minutes passed before wheels ground unexpectedly to a halt before wrought iron gates I knew all too well. There stood the cozy brick manor that had harbored such unexpectedly sweet stolen hours with Fitzwilliam Darcy! Shock paralyzed my muscles and tongue alike while I gaped in recognition.
Uncle Gardiner’s eyes glinted purposefully down at me, his smile holding secrets and relief commingled. “Well, Lizzy girl. I judge it high time you learned certain truths I have been obliged to keep from you for too long.” He gestured to the house. “Shall we go inside?”
ItrailedUncleGardinerthrough the empty house, my pulse racing wildly. Jane had stopped at the door and just looked around the sitting room, uncomfortable with entering, but Uncle and I toured every corner. Our footsteps echoed eerily loud in these unfamiliar rooms I had only visited once with...Him. My skin prickled as we passed the parlor mantelpiece, phantoms of tender confidences hovering ghostlike still upon the air.
At last, Uncle Gardiner turned, features somber beneath silvering hair. “It is time you understood truths too long hidden, child.” He doffed his hat and spectacles slowly. “Have you any memory of this place?”
As it happened, I had a great deal too many memories, but none that I cared to confess. I swallowed and said nothing.
“Well, that ought not to surprise me. You were probably very young when you left. You were born here.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What?”
“At least, that is what I was told. I believe you went to live with the Darcys almost that very day. But this house is yours, Elizabeth. Your inheritance from the mother you never knew.”
My heart seized as the world tilted dizzily. Stunned words tumbled out. “Mine? How…? Why the secrecy until now?”
Uncle held up a staying hand. “Old Mr. Darcy hoped obscuring your legacy might persuade you to build a life elsewhere by independent choice. Somewhere… far from Pemberley. But you were never intended to be dispossessed of your family legacy.”
My head spun in chaos, emotions clashing hotly through my reeling senses. Uncle Gardiner pressed on firmly before erupting demands won free. “A significant trust—thirty thousand pounds, in fact—was also established for your welfare by an anonymous party. It is still managed through a London solicitor’s office.” He met my wide-eyed shock unflinchingly. “Mr. Darcy specifically requested that I not reveal this to you until you had either married or attained your majority. But I suppose… I believe I have waited too long. It pained me, Elizabeth, to honor the oath I made. But you are mistress here, and you may come to live here whenever you wish.”
My heart was hammering in my ears. This was mine? To do with as I pleased? A home of my own? “And... this faceless benefactor...” I rasped tightly, “...might he still live?”
Uncle shook his head helplessly. “I know not, though my duties continue unchanged. But the late Mr. Darcy bound me to ensure your name and circumstances go no further while the chance remains.” His weathered hand covered mine, eyes filled with regretful empathy. “I am sorry, Lizzy girl. Pemberley must remain forbidden to you, despite old ties.”
The polished floor seemed to sway under my slippered feet. The offended longing that had swarmed my heart since yesterday battled with shock at such earth-shattering revelations. My breath shuddered out. “So, you are saying that I… I have a father out there somewhere, who knows of me, but refuses to let me know him?”
Uncle Gardiner’s steadying hand gripped firmer though compassion yet softened his resolute features. “I am sure he did what he thought was best. As did Mr. Darcy. They prepared every provision out of deepest care. You must hold to what is right. However it grieves me also, we cannot restore what is gone.”
“And… what of the others? Did neither George nor Fitzwilliam know anything about this place or my inheritance?”
He shook his head wearily. “So Mr. Darcy claimed when entrusting his ward’s welfare and future to my hands instead.”
Suspicion niggled at me. “Yet Fitzwilliam himself brought me here recently. He walked me through the household like he belonged here. I imagined thatheowned it, though he refused to confess it. What aren’t you telling me?”
Uncle Gardiner opened his mouth, questions in his eyes. But his indignant response was cut short by wild shouts and frantic hoofbeats outside. We both ran to the open window. My heart cracked to see Fitzwilliam fling himself off his winded horse, worry etched on every harsh line of his handsome face. He stormed toward the door like a man possessed.
