“I told him, quite plainly, that the stream should be diverted to avoid the lower fields,” Mr Collins replied, puffing out his chest. “A simple matter of engineering, really. Lady Catherine would have had it done in no time.”
Jane raised an eyebrow. “And how exactly would you divert the stream, Mr Collins?”
“With a series of trenches and embankments,” he answered confidently. “A plan Lady Catherine herself would no doubt approve.”
“Trenches and embankments?” Lydia chimed in, her tone incredulous. “But wouldn’t that take ages to build?”
“Nonsense,” Mr Collins replied. “With proper supervision, it could be completed efficiently. Lady Catherine once oversaw the construction of a new bridge at Rosings. Quite the feat of engineering, I assure you.”
Elizabeth suppressed another sigh. “I see. And what did my father say to your suggestions?”
“He dismissed them, unfortunately,” Mr Collins said, shaking his head. “But Lady Catherine would never allow such neglect.”
“Perhaps my father has other priorities at the moment,” Elizabeth suggested, her voice even.
“Other priorities, indeed,” Mr Collins muttered. “Lady Catherine would understand the importance of immediate action.”
“Mr Collins,” Jane interjected gently, “could you tell us more about Lady Catherine’s management of Rosings? I am curious to know how she handles such matters.”
Elizabeth arched a brow at her sister. A curious tactic, that—hushing the man on a subject they found vexing while encouraging him to expound on a subject about which they cared almost nothing.
Mr Collins’ eyes brightened. “Ah, Lady Catherine de Bourgh! I suppose I have had little opportunity to describe her to you, thanks to the troubles at hand, but I declare, she would have seen through them in a moment. Her wisdom is unparalleled. At Rosings, she oversees every detail with such precision. Her counsel on agricultural matters is particularly noteworthy.”
Well… about what she expected, but it was better than listening to him criticising Papa.
“Indeed,” she encouraged, “I recall you mentioned her extensive knowledge of estate management. Please, tell us more about her insights.”
Mr Collins puffed up with pride, his chest swelling. “Lady Catherine believes in thorough drainage systems, you see. At Rosings, we have the most advanced irrigation channels. She always insists that the ditches be dug deeper and the embankments be reinforced regularly. Such foresight prevents any flooding issues.”
“Oh, that will not do,” Elizabeth declared. “We can easily surmise what Lady Catherine’s advice might be, for it is perfectly reasonable and right. But what of the lady herself? Tell us more about her. Has she much family?”
Jane shot Elizabeth a grateful look, her eyes sparkling with relief at the change in topic. Elizabeth nodded subtly, her mind drifting even as she maintained an attentive expression.
“Oh, indeed!” Mr Collins exclaimed, his enthusiasm undimmed. “She has one daughter, Miss Anne de Bourgh, who is a lady of many talents. Though her health is delicate, she is the epitome of grace and refinement. Lady Catherine takes great pride in her daughter’s accomplishments, particularly her proficiency on the pianoforte.”
Elizabeth’s mind wandered as Mr Collins droned on, her thoughts flitting to the upcoming ball and Darcy’s unexpected decision to stay. Perhaps she would take particularcare in the styling of her hair… more so than usual, for with both Darcy and Wickham in attendance…
“And then there are the gardens at Rosings. Lady Catherine herself supervises the planting and arrangement. Each season, the grounds are transformed into a veritable paradise of blooms,” Mr Collins continued, oblivious to the inward sighs of his audience.
Kitty and Lydia had finally run on ahead, their patience clearly worn thin. Elizabeth caught Jane’s eye. At least this conversation was harmless, if tedious.
“How fortunate you are, Mr Collins, to be in the service of such a remarkable lady,” Elizabeth said, trying to keep her tone light. “Her attention to detail must be truly inspiring.”
“Indeed, Miss Elizabeth, it is the highest honour. Lady Catherine’s every word is a lesson in propriety and excellence. Why, she even advised on the correct arrangement of my furniture at the parsonage. Her taste is impeccable.”
“Tell me, Mr Collins, is there aught of Rosings or Lady Catherine or even the Hunsford parsonage which youcannotlaud with the greatest enthusiasm?”
He sobered. “One thing, my fair cousin, and one thing, only. My house wants nothing but a mistress to make it the most charming, most delightful situation on earth.”
Elizabeth groaned inwardly, but an instant later, inspiration struck.
“And… ah… what, precisely, do you seek in such a mistress?” she asked carefully.
“Why, only what is fitting and proper. Lady Catherine advised me to seek a lady who was not brought up too high, so that she would not disdain her position in life, nor too low, so that she would be properly prepared for all her duties as the wife of a parson.”
“And you would commend such a lady in public?”
“Oh, to be sure! Why, I can think of nothing finer than to boast of my good fortune, and I am quite certain that Lady Catherine could find no fault in such a creature. Indeed, happy will be the lady who accepts my hand, Cousin Elizabeth.” He followed this with such a simpering, winsome look that Elizabeth’s stomach flipped over inside her belly.
