Jane stroked her shoulder in silence for a moment, then, “Perhaps he will understand. Has he not been kind so far?”
Elizabeth was mute for a long while. Yes, Mr Darcy had proved benevolent, and even agreeable, once one cracked through the thorny shell of his aristocratic indifference. But he had not beenthere—had not felt the fear, the urgency—could not possibly wish to continue extending his considerable protection to a woman whose own town had cast her out.
Perhaps he might have, had he seen… but he had not, and he was no longer in Derbyshire for her to confide in. None could speak for her, none could stand between her and all her fears save her faithful sister and well-intentioned but nearly useless cousin.
She pushed up from her pillow and turned back to Jane. Tears sparkled in her sister’s eyes, and Elizabeth clasped Jane’s hand in a mixture of remorse and gratitude. “Oh, Jane. How much you endured, following me as you did! I do not deserve you, you know.”
“Shh, don't say that. Anyone would do the same.”
“They would not. Precious few would ever dream of it. And look where we are now! What is to become of us? Whatwouldbecome of us if the wrong thing were heard? Oh! How I wish Richard were here. He would know how to say it all.”
“Yes! There would be nothing like having the man you love back—here, and safe. Dearest Lizzy, do not despair! I am sure he will come back to you.”
Elizabeth’s brow crumpled as she measured her sister’s words. “I… yes, I hope so.”
Chapter 9
Ithadbeentwomore weeks of sheer monotony for Elizabeth, punctuated by hours of nerve-wracking tension and self-doubt—otherwise known as mealtimes. Miss Darcy was always excessively polite, but never warm. Never happy to have their company. Jane continued to make daily excuses for their hostess, claiming youth and shyness were her only faults, but Elizabeth could only think of the girl's many and unfathomable advantages, and decided she was unfeeling and artificial.
Of the three of them, Billy had adapted the best to estate life in genteel old England. He spent most of his days admiring the library or begging questions of the groundsmen or the housekeeper, and it was his particular delight whenever a travelling party came to tour the house. On these occasions, he would fall into step behind Mrs Reynolds as she conducted the tour, taking it all in with rapt astonishment as if it were for the first time. Mrs Reynolds, to her everlasting credit, never exhibited the faintest sign of impatience with him, a feat which impressed Elizabeth more than she could say.
Elizabeth could typically be found brooding about the gardens in the morning, then seeking the cool quiet of the library in the afternoons. She longed for some diversion to take her mind from her troubles, some exertion to change the stale air out of her lungs and clear the cobwebs from her taut muscles, but she still feared causing any ripple in the perfectly calm waters of the ancient estate known as Pemberley. Instead, she kept out of the way, clasping her fears for Richard and anxieties about her uncertain destiny to her own heart.
One sunny morning over breakfast, Miss Darcy surprised Elizabeth by inviting them all out for a riding party that afternoon. Elizabeth had many times considered Mr Darcy’s offer of his stables but had never yet been bold enough to presume he had truly meant it. She lowered her spoon, glanced at Jane, and answered with what she hoped was the proper balance of enthusiasm and reserve. “That would be delightful, Miss Darcy.”
“Excellent,” the young lady replied in her accustomed cool monotone. “I shall have four horses saddled at half-past one.”
“Oh!” Billy raised his hand. “Might I beg off? I have never thought it much sport, and I had so hoped to spend some time in the library this afternoon.”
Miss Darcy lifted a single golden brow. “If you prefer, Mr Collins.”
“Ah, yes. You see, I came upon an antiquated book that I simply must look over called Fordyce’s Sermons. It appears to be an excellent treatise on all matters moral. Have you heard of it, Cousin Elizabeth?”
“Never,” she confessed, but from across the table, she was quite certain that she saw Miss Darcy concealing a smirk behind her napkin. She composed herself too quickly for Elizabeth to be sure, and rose from the table.
“Then it shall be ladies only,” Miss Darcy announced. “Have either of you any preferences regarding your choice of mount? I shall have the groom select a suitable horse, according to your wishes.”
Jane and Elizabeth exchanged glances again. “Nothing in particular,” Elizabeth answered for both of them. She was certain that if the proper Miss Darcy could manage the classically trained horses in her stable, she and Jane would have no difficulties whatsoever.
“Isthataside-saddle?”Jane whispered nervously. “I never imagined that! Where does your right foot go?”
Elizabeth had caught the side of her lip between her teeth, but she let it slip now and adopted an air of cheerfulness. “Come, Jane, how difficult can it be? See how gentle that gelding looks? I am sure he is very docile.”
“He is enormous!”
Elizabeth appraised the horses in silence through the veil Margaret had insisted was “proper” for a lady riding out. The Thoroughbreds were several hands higher than her pony at home, and on that saddle, she would feel as if she were perched in the clouds with nothing to hold. She swallowed, then braced herself as a groom approached and offered to assist her. Once in the saddle, the horse’s neck seemed to stretch a mile in front of her, and the only way she felt stable was by squeezing her right leg around the hook on the pommel and leaning forward. When the horse walked, she was forced to shift her weight two or three times to find some sense of balance.
“Shall we?” Miss Darcy asked. She was elegantly poised on a pretty brown mare, looking smart and composed in a navy blue riding habit. Elizabeth noted the way she held her riding crop and those complicated double reins and tried to copy her.
“Ready.” She smiled and hoped she looked more confident than she felt.
Mercifully, Miss Darcy kept their ramblings to a walk at first. After some experimentation, Elizabeth discovered that she truly was shockingly secure in the saddle. She hoped she would never be called upon to gallop such a giant horse while seated so, but this, she could manage. And it was a relief to be out of doors and moving again.
“I have not heard how you came to know my cousin,” Miss Darcy asked at length.
“Erm…” Elizabeth cleared her throat. “I was galloping back to town after visiting my father at the corrals.”
“Corrals?” repeated Miss Darcy.
