Jane sank beside her and hesitantly patted her shoulder. “I do not blame him, any more than I blame you, but Lizzy, this is very serious. If you think the attractions are all on your side, you are deceiving yourself. I saw the way he was watching you—the way hehaswatched you. I see the way he speaks to you, the way he cares for you, and I do not know how anyone else could not.”
Elizabeth sniffed. “What do you want me to do? Where can I go? I have nothing—Iamnothing without the kindness of this family.”
“And you will tear them apart if you stay.”
Elizabeth choked on a sob and put the heel of her hand to her forehead. “I don’t know what to do! I never meant to stay here. I still do not wish to stay long—I am hoping to be gone and on my own by next summer.”
Jane shook her head. “That is far too long.”
“But he is getting married! He will be away in Europe, or wherever Miss de Bourgh means to go!”
“Elizabeth, the longer you stay, the more of his heart you take. It is not fair to him. It is not fair to Miss de Bourgh, and…”
“It is not fair to Richard,” Elizabeth finished miserably.
“I meant to say, ‘to you,’ but, yes, I suppose Richard’s memory.”
Elizabeth swallowed the knot in her throat. “What sort of faithless wife am I, who fell in love with her husband’s cousin even while she waited for word of his safe return?”
“I don’t think even Richard could fault you for that. He was not in love with you any more than you were with him.”
“But he pledged his life to me! And I to him. My heart is not mine to give anymore!”
“And, as you said, he is gone. Do you not think Mr Darcy mourns his cousin and comforts himself some little when he sees you? Apart from his other feelings, do you not see the danger in him turning to you in a moment of weakness?”
Elizabeth shook her head, numbly. “He would never.”
“He is as human as you are, Lizzy.” She clasped her hand over Elizabeth’s and gazed at the floor for a moment. “I’m glad we are here at Matlock. I was beginning to worry—really fear for you at Pemberley, especially after Mr Darcy came back from South Africa.”
Elizabeth blinked back a tear and tugged out a handkerchief for her nose. “How long have you known?”
Jane shrugged. “I don’t know. It feels like I have always seen it, and tried to explain it away as nothing, but tonight I don’t know how anybody else could not have noticed.”
“Was I that pathetic? Oh, what if Miss de Bourgh becomes suspicious! What if she thinks I would—and what if the earl or the countess saw! What must they think of me? Of him?”
Jane’s mouth worked, and she looked helplessly back at Elizabeth. “I don't know. But Elizabeth, even if Mr Darcy were not pledged elsewhere, do you really think…?”
“Think what?”
Jane lifted her hands and shook her head. “Mr Bingley is a wealthy man as well, and in some ways he and Mr Darcy are equals, but really, they are not. Mr Bingley is a man of business. Old names, old money mean so much less in his sphere. He warned me that his sisters may not like me for my lack of connections, but I care nothing for that, and neither does he. There is nothing in his world that I could not eventually become a part of. But for Mr Darcy…”
“I know. It was hard enough for Richard’s family to accept me as the wife of an earl’s younger son. A soldier with no money and no property! The trouble was that I dared to leap over and shatter the holy circle of class, and I still think if Richard had lived, they would have comfortably ostracised me for as long as they were able. The countess is generous, but she is an American. The earl and the dowager are good people, but I think they would never have given me a chance if they were not mourning Richard… and if not forhim. I have heard enough, and I have seen enough to understand that Mr Darcy must be even more careful in the selection of his bride. It would ruin him in society to settle for me.”
“Then you know why you have to go. Not now, of course. It is too soon, and I think you would offend those who have helped you if you try to go somewhere before Christmas.”
Jane nibbled her top lip and then blurted, “Mr Bingley and I have been speaking very seriously. I had a letter from him yesterday, did you know that?”
Elizabeth shook her head. “I am ashamed to say I did not.”
“I thought it was too early to talk to him about anything, but his letter spoke of so much assurance, so much planning. If he asks me… I mean, I believe he will very soon, and I would say yes. If he does ask, I think he would think it right for you to live with us. At least for now. Think about it, will you?”
She snorted ruefully. “I have nothing else to think about.”
Jane’s chin dimpled in thought. “What about the nightmares? I have not heard you at night for a long time. Have they gone away?”
“Oh… gone, yes, at least for now.” And replaced with something infinitely more terrifying.
But that part, she did not confess to Jane. Those moments in the darkness, whenhewas all her own, they were too dear to be excised like so much shameful misdoing. It was not as if she could control her dreams. Could it really be counted wrong to let her heart wander in sleep?
