May 1900
“Miss Elizabeth?”
Richard leaned on the picket fence surrounding the Gardiners’ house, hesitating before opening the gate. He had wandered this way, the longer route back to his hotel—as if there were such a thing in so small a town—vowing that he only wanted to look at the door again, perhaps spy a shape in the window, to assure himself that she would be well. When he stumbled upon her sitting on the porch and staring blankly at a book, he could no longer pretend that he had not hoped to see her once more.
She flinched at her name but turned slowly from the book. A smile—he supposed it was a smile—formed a fearful grimace on her usually vibrant features, and she rose to meet him. “Colonel. I thought you would be out with your men this afternoon.”
“I am bound there after a last stop at my hotel. I, er, had some unexpected business in town. Are you well?”
Her bit of cheer was painful to witness. “Perfectly, sir. I am only a little weary from lack of sleep.”
“Miss Elizabeth…” He hesitated, searching her expression for all those shadows she attempted to conceal. “I hope you will forgive my bluntness, but you have the look of the victor’s curse about you.”
Her brows rounded softly. “What does that mean?”
“I see it often, particularly in young men just returned from the front. You did what was necessary, but it does not sit well with your conscience.”
Her lips twitched. “And you see this guilt only in the faces of the young?”
“Indeed, for by the time they are aged, that troubled countenance has hardened to a crusted, warty semblance of humanity, beneath which lurks the true man—known, in most cases, only to his fellows in arms.”
“My! You paint a flattering portrait of the future.”
His voice softened. “I only meant to tell you that your present troubles are not unique. The survivors often feel guilt, a sentiment that frequently does even greater harm than the original skirmish.”
A deep, shuddering sigh raised her shoulders as if she had finally permitted herself to take a breath that was not rigidly controlled. “Have you ever shed blood in the line of duty, Colonel?”
“No,” he confessed. “What I mean to say is, not personally. I have trained men and horses at active stations, I have sent them off to do their duty, but miraculously the sabre and the bayonet fell to others rather than myself. I expect that is about to change.”
“Oh?”
“Yes….” He fidgeted with the latch on the gate, avoiding those expressive eyes. “I received my orders just an hour ago. I am to depart tomorrow with the horses for New York, then board a ship for South Africa.” It was a moment before he dared to look at her.
She was blinking, a sudden pallor falling over her cheeks. “I… I see,” she whispered.
“Look here, it is not so bad. Why, you have Mr and Mrs Gardiner to look out for you, and… and your sisters—”
“I was not concerned for myself, but for you,” she interrupted.
Richard stopped, his hand still stretching over the fence and his mouth not yet closed.
“Will you write?”
He sighed. “I will try.”
She nodded, her gaze falling to his chest. “You will be careful?”
“As careful as a man on the battlefield may be.”
A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “I expect it is hardly a tea party, is it? You are very good to look in on me before you leave, Colonel. My troubles are paltry when compared to what you must face.”
He caught her hand and knotted their fingers together over the fence picket. “I hardly call them ‘paltry.’ What do you intend to do?”
Her shoulders lifted, and she wetted her lips. “I do not deceive myself into thinking it can all be forgotten. It is the sort of thing that a town like this will recall for generations. But I hope that in a year or two, I might find a way to settle quietly somewhere else. Perhaps I could take a teaching position in Nebraska—someplace where no one knows anything.”
He did not answer—only looked steadily down at her until she raised her eyes to his. Her mouth quivered, her fingers tightened around his, and she lifted his hand to her warm lips.
“Thank you for being my friend,” she whispered. Then she dropped his hand and ran into the house.
