“Indeed! Lambton? I hope you shall someday visit again. I understand you are a proficient angler, and I would be honoured to provide you with tackle and bait if you should like to try my trout stream or the lake.”
“I thank you, Mr Darcy, perhaps I shall.”
Gardiner offered no more than this cautious acceptance, and there was nothing else he could think to say to delay his departure. With one more conscious sweep of the doors and corridors of the house, Darcy surrendered. “I hope so, sir. Good day.”
“He asked after me?” Elizabeth sat down heavily in the padded chair opposite her uncle. “I am surprised.”
“Why should you be? Mr Darcy is known to be a gentleman, and I believe he took an interest in your welfare. It was no less than one would expect, after all.”
She shook her head, slightly dazed. “I simply did not expect to hear of him ever again. I thought your business was complete, andhe had sent that handsome box of cigars and brandy in a show of his appreciation.”
“Those were for me. Ladies do not often value a good smoke or drink so well as they do a kind word, and he came to offer it. Altogether, Lizzy, I suppose it could have been far worse. You could have been found with a rake.”
“I knew he was not a rake from the first, Uncle,” she tried to smile. “But I cannot decide whether I am pleased that he called or not. It is at an end, is it not? Nothing more can come, and I always did hate farewells. They seem the end of everything pleasant and hopeful. I am glad I did not come down before when he was here.”
“It was for the best,” her uncle agreed. “A dreadful risk you took, Lizzy, but I suppose when you were already facing Collins as your best prospect, the fanciful mind of a young lady feels there is no farther to sink.”
“I was wrong. I know that, Uncle. You and my aunt have been gentler than I deserve.”
“Perhaps that is because your foolishness was in the service of another, or perhaps because your aunt has a touch of sentiment for Mr Darcy’s family. They’ve a good reputation in Derbyshire, you know, and though she would die before confessing it, I believe she was flattered that one of our family did a good turn for they who have always been so good to others.”
“I see.” Elizabeth twined her fingers and hesitated. “And Mr Darcy… has it all come right for him? Did he speak on that at all?”
“He said that he still had a duty to his family and did not seem best pleased to be fulfilling that obligation.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth’s fingers clenched one another until the knuckles were white. At that moment, she resolved not to look at her father’s papers for at least six months, or as long as it would take for all the gossip and marriage announcements to die away. Poor Mr Darcy, after all his dread and proven innocence, to be bound by the one who had entrapped him! That such a good and noble man must be sentenced to a life with one who respected him so little seemedto her nothing less than a statement of the general unfairness of the world.
“Excuse me, Uncle,” she whispered, “I think I must finish my preparations for departure.”
“Of course, Lizzy. I am sorry I cannot go with you, but your aunt will offer whatever support or counsel you might require when you return home.”
She nodded, sensing a blockade of tears threatening to spill from her eyes if she tried to blink. “Thank you, Uncle.”
The streets of London were grey as she looked out upon them. No character remained to be experienced that she had not already savoured, no prospect illuminated her way that she had not previously shared with better company. She suspected it would always be so, for once a light is kindled, then extinguished, the observer is forever after aware of the present darkness of their surroundings. Would that she could remain in that vibrant place, full of colour and life! There had been a way; he had spoken of it, asked her if she would—
But no… to do so would be to sacrifice her character, her integrity—all she had left. She could not do it, even for him, and he would not love her for it, even if he thought himself satisfied. She would not remain herself, and he would have been the cause.
Even then, she had sensed the notion was as shocking to him as it was to herself. He did notseemthe sort of man to ask forcarte blanche, and he had even defended her from that accusation before his family. However, his desires had been obvious, and had clearly shaken him so, that when he acknowledged that he could not have her by honourable means, any alternative might have presented itself in the moment as eligible. Surely, he had already thought better of it, and she had made up her mind to forgive him for it… so long as she never had to look on him again.
He would be married, and likely very soon. Another woman would be his comfort, would hold her babe and seehiseyes gazing back… Elizabeth stifled a gasp and hoped her aunt and sister did not notice that she would only look out the window as the carriage rolled through the city.
Yes, she could live without Fitzwilliam Darcy. So long as she never had to face him again.
Chapter thirty-three
“Lizzy, dear, I am so glad you are home!” Jane Bennet was the only family member to greet the travellers at the door, but her sincere pleasure at receiving her sisters and her aunt made up for whatever might have been lacking from their parents and other sister.
Elizabeth kissed her elder sister on the cheek and offered a wan smile. “Jane, have you been keeping well? Has it been very trying here? I am so sorry you could not have come with us!”
Jane gave a dismissive little wave of her hand, but her tone was not nearly so light as it might have been. “Mama has been keeping to her room, and Papa only emerges from the library to remind Mary that her governess is to arrive soon. Mary has not ceased crying in a fortnight.”
At this, Kitty emitted a loud groan and began to pout. “And I suppose I shall have to be under her authority as well! It is not as ifIhave done anything wrong. I shall have to spend my days playing the pianoforte with Mary and never attending another ball for two more years!”
Mrs Gardiner turned to speak some low words of remonstrance to her younger niece, but they went unheeded. Kitty gave her coat and bonnet into Mr Hill’s hands, then lumbered off with a petulant sigh to her own room.
Elizabeth was quickly divesting herself of her own outerwear and leading Jane aside to the sitting room for a private interview. “And Lydia? Have you had word of her?”
“Only once. I understand she is not permitted to write often, but the last letter sounded as if that place is perfectly horrid.”
