“No, he did not exactlyforceme—in fact, in all justice, he was very gentle. He did, however, surprise me so thoroughly that I had not the time to react.” Elizabeth’s voice was full of irritation but not anger. It seemed her indignant animosity toward Mr Darcy had dissipated, but she refused to entirely reconcile herself to her present situation.
Jane was silent a moment. If she were not mistaken, her sister was showing signs of softening toward Mr Darcy, unwillingly or not. Perhaps some revelation of what she had learned from Mr Bingley could help matters. “Lizzy, I believe Mr Darcy was truly hurt after your conversation yesterday.”
Elizabeth’s head snapped up. “Why would you think so?”
Jane bit her lip. “Mr Bingley told me that Mr Darcy was very much not himself yesterday evening. He did not share many details, but he did lead me to understand that… that Mr Darcy awoke somewhat ill this morning.” Jane’s tones were hushed. It mortified her to so much as imply that a gentleman would indulge in intemperance, to the degree that his condition would suffer the following day.
Elizabeth was silent for several seconds, then gave a short laugh. “That could account for a few things, I suppose. Still,” she stiffened slightly, “I am at least gratified to know I am not the only one who passed a miserable evening! If you ask me, the man deserves to be made a little uncomfortable after acting as he did.”
Jane had not spent twenty years in close relationship with her sister without learning her disposition well. “Lizzy,” her tone carried a hint of admonishment, “I do not believe it is Mr Darcy with whom you are angry tonight. You sound as if you are trying to justify something. Will you not tell me of what you two spoke this afternoon?”
Elizabeth sighed reluctantly, then resigned herself to the inevitable. Slowly she spoke, her tones broken. “Jane… I have been so wrong about him, so blinded by my own folly!”
“Mr Darcy?” Jane’s voice sounded relieved.
“And Mr Wickham.” Elizabeth faltered. Blinking uncomfortably, she began to share the whole of what she had learned. Jane listened with great patience, squeezing Elizabeth’s hand consolingly. By the time she had finished, tears glistened in the moonlight and dripped on the blankets.
Jane gasped as Elizabeth ended her tale. “Poor Miss Darcy! Little wonder she was so distressed when she heard Mr Wickham’s name today! But are we certain there was not some misunderstanding? I cannot believe he could be so cruel. He seems such an amiable young man. Surely, he could not mean harm to an innocent girl, the daughter of his patron! No, there must be some mistake.”
Elizabeth tried to laugh lightly, but it came out as more of a sob. “Oh, believe it Jane, it is true! They both have the same story; they agree in all the particulars but those which matter the most. Not even you cannot make thembothgood. No, one man has all the goodness, and the other has all the appearance of it. There is only enough goodness between them to make one good sort of man. It pains me to admit it, but I believe the virtue must be all Mr Darcy’s.”
Jane pondered to herself a moment. “I suppose it is well to find that, of the two, Mr Darcy is the honourable man, in light of your present circumstances.”
Elizabeth hung her head, wearily. “Jane, what am I to do? I am so ashamed! I let my vanity lead me astray. I, who have prided myself on my discernment of the characters of others, have been so grievously and dangerously wrong! I have exposed myself for the most ignorant and prejudiced of people. What must he think of me?”
“I do believe that is a first, Lizzy. You have never before cared what Mr Darcy thought.”
“Please do not tease me, Jane! You know my situation at present. Mother has made sure everyone believes I am to marry him! I still have no desire to, for I do not care for him, but he must truly despiseme.I suppose it is just as well I do not wish to marry him, for surely after how I have treated him, he will desire to call off the ‘engagement’.”
“Lizzy, I do not think he will do so. Mr Bingley told me something else. I hesitated to tell you before, for fear it would only make you disdain him all the more….”
“Well, do not keep me in suspense, Jane. What is it?”
“That… Mr Darcy seems truly to love you… very much, in fact.”
She laughed out loud, wishing to deny the possibility. “I cannot believe it. No, it is impossible! Your Mr Bingley is reading his own sentiments into the matter, surely.”
“Mr Bingley said he had it from Mr Darcy himself.”
Elizabeth sucked in her breath, entirely astonished. “But how, Jane? Why? The very notion is absurd! We have never once sat in the same room together without some argument unless he determines to ignore me entirely. We never get along; we have nothing at all in common! For him to actually love me, it is inconceivable! More credible is the notion that he thought to exploit my position of weakness.”
“Think, Lizzy,” Jane admonished gently. “Why do you suppose he spoke yesterday to stop Mr Collins’ proposal? I agree with you that he is not overly demonstrative of his feelings, and I do think it likely he intended never to have spoken for you. It is true that he is proud, and we are not of his circles in society, but I do believe he truly cares for you. He could not bear to see you engaged to another before his very eyes. Mr Darcy could see you did not wish to marry Mr Collins, and he could not restrain himself.” Jane presented her thoughts as the most perfectly reasonable explanation.
Elizabeth shook her head, doubtfully. “I do not know if I believe that, Jane. Mr Darcy is nothing if not always in command of himself—and others,” she added wryly. “I have trouble crediting your understanding of his actions.”
“That, dear Lizzy, is precisely why I believed Mr Bingley when he told me of his friend’s feelings for you. Hehasalways been in control, until now. You are most certainly the first woman to inspire such sentiments, and he does not quite know what to do with them. Did you not tell me that he confessed his feelings himself yesterday?”
Elizabeth narrowed her eyes introspectively, re-examining the words he had spoken. “He did speak of a regard for me. I did not think he truly meant it; I thought he intended only to justify his actions. I told you that he expressed his pride and his belief in my unworthiness just as eloquently as he pronounced any sentiment for me.”
“Do you not think, Lizzy,” Jane replied slowly, “that he really did suffer some struggle in confessing his feelings? Surely a man in his position is expected to marry from better circles than those in which we are able to move. Perhaps he has already been pressured by his family to marry advantageously. Did not Mr Collins mention some expectations on the part of his aunt? Surely, he has known of these plans for himself since his youth. Mr Darcy has the reputation of a very responsible man, you know. It cannot have been easy for him to reject his family’s expectations in favour of his own wishes.”
Elizabeth sighed a deep, shuddering breath. Ashamed as she was of her own misjudgements, she no longer felt equal to the examination of each of Mr Darcy’s motives and actions. The proof of her error had blasted her confidence in her perceptions. Her head wagged. “Jane, I just do not know. I wish I could talk to Papa!” A few tears leaked down her cheeks, and she wiped them tiredly.
Jane pulled her closer. “I know, Lizzy. I know. Aunt Madeline will be here tomorrow. Perhaps she can help. You know she is so wise and discreet. For now,” Jane stroked her little sister’s cheek affectionately, “I think we should get some rest. We both need it, I daresay.”
Elizabeth nodded, sniffing. She allowed Jane to bundle her in her arms as she had when they were children. Cuddling her chin over Jane’s shoulder, she finally drifted into a fitful slumber.
Chapter 13
