His jaw was clenched as she spoke, but his simmering resentment boiled over the moment she had ceased. “And why should you be? Are we not both human? We have broken no law of the church, yours or mine! I have protected my honour, and you have preserved yours, but by heaven, Amália, at least permit me my memories without claiming they were sinful!”
“They were not! Not then. Now….” She heaved a sigh of frustration. “Matters are different.”
“Indeed, they are.” He crossed his arms, retreating once more to his side of the narrow trap.
She was silent a moment, considering him with sad eyes. “Did you never try to forget me, Richard? Surely you must have. Your duties alone would have kept you from thinking too often of me.”
He frowned, and suddenly found it necessary to rub his left eye. “I tried. Goodness knows, I tried. Every time my mother attempted to introduce me to a pretty girl with a fortune, I would look at her and find fault with every feature that did not compare to yours.”
Her mouth twitched ruefully. “You compliment me more highly than I deserve and do them a disservice. You are too courteous a gentleman to dismiss them out of hand—surely there were some lovely girls among them.”
“Not a one. ‘Lovely’ is a term that encompasses more than a lady’s face, Amália. Oh, my father wishes me to marry my young cousin, and I am fond of her, but… no, I have never been tempted. In fact, there was only one other I fancied even slightly, but in all my talks with her I could but reflect on how well you would have liked her. No, I kept you safely tucked away in my heart, taking your memory out to look at now and again when I was feeling sorry for myself, for my lot. But a bachelor and a soldier I am, and shall remain. It is well that I should not marry, for no woman ought to be troubled with army life. I have seen such women, and I would not wish that on any other—least of all you,” he spoke the last words huskily, a hesitant smile tugging at his mouth.
“If you had married with a care to fortune, you might have been able to retire from fighting,” she suggested.
He snorted. “Darcy often said the same to me, but hedoespossess a fortune, and could find no suitable bride. Shrews and cats, almost to a one, unless they be charming and poor. No, I would rather remain as I am, beholden to no lady, for I have little enough to offer her of either fortune or love.”
“Then,” she smiled with quivering lips, “you do understand my great wrong. You have done better than I, for you made no vow to another that you cannot now escape.”
“Amália,” his tones became grave, “you cannot go back to him. You know this, do you not?”
She looked down. “I may have no choice, Richard. I go to Ruy now for protection, but I cannot hide forever. Even if I should flee the country, I do not imagine that Miguel could not find me and demand my return.”
Richard was becoming agitated. “If he struck you before, only think what he would do to you after your part in releasing Darcy. He will kill you! Perhaps not at first, but one day his temper will get the better of him and he—oh my dear girl, I cannot bear thinking of it. I will not have it! Can you not enter a convent, at the least?”
“I have thought of it, but I may be… prevented. Senhor Vasconcelos has his friends everywhere.”
“Then you must have Ruy bring you to England,” he decided. “I do not imagine that we could ever… that there could ever be anything between us,” he swallowed. “But you could be safe there. I have places you could go, friends who would protect you in secret. You could live peacefully in the country, and—”
“Richard,” she laughed sadly, placing a hand on his arm, “you cannot save everyone.”
He bit his lip.Damned if I won’t try.A tear was sliding down her cheek, chilling his own heart. “Oh, Amália,” he sighed bitterly. “What I would give if there had been no differences between us! No divide of faiths and family interests. It is wrong, vile that we must sacrifice what is pure and right for that which is not!”
Another tear joined the first in her eyes, and then a third spilled from her lashes. She only nodded, fearful of speaking, lest her voice crack. Tenderly, he brushed the tears from her cheeks, then slid a brotherly arm about her to ride out the rest of their journey in heartbroken silence.
“Fitzwilliam,”Ruyextendedhishand, “I thank you for bringing her to Lisbon. It nearly killed me to obey orders and leave her in Porto when I was sent here.”
Richard nodded, accepting the other’s gesture with as little emotion as he could manage. “I have given a letter to your general. I was unable to see him, but his aide swore to pass it directly into his hand. I should have liked to be certain that you would be reassigned, so that she might not be so easily found. I am sorry I could not do better.”
Ruy shook his head. “You could not have done more. Our division is not likely to be needed in Spain after all, but if that should change, I think nothing would compel Cotton to reassign an able-bodied fighter. Certainly, Lecor would object to losing another commander if we are required to ride east. Still, a word from you will go for as much as any man’s and much farther than most. I am grateful, Fitzwilliam.”
“Not half so much as I am. You risked a deal, helping my cousin as you did. You both did, and I thank you. You will write the address I left you if you learn anything more or if you are in need of help?”
“In London? Yes, I have it.”
Richard grunted in acknowledgment. His gaze had left the Portuguese officer and wandered to the neat little buildings where the women belonging to officers of the regiment had their abode. Into one of these she had been taken, but he did not know which.
Ruy tipped his head in that direction. “You will speak to her again before you leave, of course. Shall I send for her?”
Richard pressed his lips together. “No. No, I leave at once. Darcy is likely walking back into a trap at home, and besides…” his eyes wandered again, “I can only bring her more grief. Better that I should go straightaway.”
“I shall have a mount saddled, and one of my men will ride with you and return with the horses. He should be ready by the time you have finished tea.”
“No!” Richard jerked his longing eyes away from the houses with finality. “No tea. I will saddle my own horse if necessary, but I cannot delay another moment. I cannot risk… I mustn’t miss the tide, assuming I can find a ship ready.”
Ruy’s face tightened, revealing little but a spark of conciliation. “Very well. You may ride my horse, if you promise to send him back in good order. This way.”
A quarter of an hour later saw Richard swinging into the saddle, a young aide at his side whose name he had already forgotten. There was some fluttering near the barracks, the distant sound of masculine objections raised against feminine insistence, and from the corner of his eye he caught sight of a billowing black veil. He held his breath, raised his hand in salute to Captain Rodrigo de Noronha, and put heel to his mount.
