If Jeff was just in a mood because of the day’s events, Rick would be telling him to sleep on it. He’d offer to take him out for a night on the town, or at least a beer or two at Kincaid’s. But it was obvious the LT thought Jeff was making the right decision, and a lot of pressure from the rest of them was only going to make Jeff feel shittier than he already did.
“It’s not just about you guys, though, or Gavin,” Jeff continued when the silence became heavy. “I’m pretty much maxed out on over-the-counter meds to get through the day. In this fucking cold weather, it’s not enough and I...I know a guy who said he’d hook me up with some prescription stuff under the table.”
“Shit,” somebody muttered under his breath, though Gavin knew they were all thinking it.
“I got kids,” Jeff said. “I have a wife and my kids and I can’t do that to them so I said no, but I considered it and that was a wake-up call. The best thing for my family is for me to find work that isn’t physical. If I take some of the stress off my body, I can ease off the medications and take care of myself and them the right way.”
“You’ve gotta make the decision that’s best for you and your family,” Chris said, nodding. “It’ll hurt like hell to see you go, but not as much as seeing you lose your family because you get hooked on drugs.”
They all nodded, and Jeff cleared his throat. His eyes glistened and he had to try two more times before he could speak again. “When I say this is the best way I can take care of my family, I mean you guys, too.”
There was alotof throat clearing and sniffling then, so Rick stood up and spoke. “It’s effective immediately. Medical leave until the paperwork processes and all that crap. Anybody here have a problem with Derek Gilman?”
Nobody did. He was pretty well liked throughout the community, but especially in his own house. They’d all worked with him a few times when guys got shifted around to fill in for sick or vacation days.
“We’re going to reach out and see about bringing Derek in to fill Jeff’s spot. Get him off Saturdays since he gets his kids every other weekend.”
And that was that. A floater arrived to cover the rest of Jeff’s shift, and they all tried to keep things light as he packed up his things. The goodbye was excruciating, though. Even though they knew they’d see him around, it would never be the same again.
When Jeff was gone, Gavin chose to skip watching TV or working out and went to his bunk. Stretching out, he put his hands under his head and wished he could talk to Cait.
She read him like nobody else, even his mom, and knew when he needed a hug or if he’d rather have a laugh. She listened to him and she always seemed to know the right thing to say or do.
Jesus, what a week. He’d lost the love of his life, almost died and said goodbye to a member of his crew. And he couldn’t turn to the only person in the world he wanted to talk to right now.
Gavin put his forearm over his eyes and blew out a breath.
He had no fucking idea anymore how he was supposed to get through life without Cait.
* * *
Cait was not in the mood to deal with anybody’s crap today. She’d slept badly and she had her second teen boy in three days from the same rink in her ambulance. The first had taken a puck to the face. This one had been gashed by a skate blade.
She’d enjoyed watching hockey until she became an EMT.
She’d also hated knowing Gavin played sometimes, but he was a grown man who made his own choices. And it really wasn’t her problem anymore.
Missing him every minute of the damn daywasher problem, though. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d picked up her phone to call him or send him a text message, only to remember they were over.
Over.
Even that simple word hurt. It had been almost a week and it was still as painful as the first night she went to bed knowing there would be no Gavin in her life tomorrow.
Once they’d transferred their patient to the ER staff, Tony gave her a look. “You need to work on your bedside face right now, Tasker. I think you scared that poor kid more than the blood did.”
“Yeah, I just... I know. I need to get my shit together.”
“Maybe we can sneak an ice cream cone before the next call. A twist with jimmies makes everything better.”
Cait didn’t know if it would help, but it wouldn’t hurt. She nodded and shoved the stretcher toward Tony to push before turning toward the exit.
And it was just her luck that, across the other end of the department, she saw Gavin. He was with Grant, who had an ice bag held to his head, but was laughing.
Seeing Gavin at the end of the hall hit her so hard, she couldn’t breathe for a few seconds.
“I’m going to the restroom,” she said, stopping so abruptly that Tony almost rammed her with the stretcher as she turned her back to the other two guys.
But then he must have spotted Gavin because the confusion turned to anger—the kind of big-brotherly anger that could cause a problem.
