He had Julia and Isaac and he’d always felt the two of them were just right. But he didn’t feel a knee-jerknoto the thought of being a dad again, and imagining Olivia holding a little bundle of joy made him smile, so he obviously wasn’t closed off to the possibility.
Right now, he didn’t need to go into any of that with an already confused little boy. The bottom line was that he wasn’t having a new baby and if that ever changed, he’d cross that bridge with them when they came to it.
“You guys know you’re still my number ones, right?”
Julia smiled. “I’m your number one. Isaac’s number two, like poo.”
“I’m not poo!”
Derek tuned out the ensuing sibling battle of words, since he could tell they were keeping it light. And the distraction was a good way to change the subject before the conversation about Olivia turned too heavy. The best way to make his relationship with her part of their normal was to treat it as though it already was. Or so Amber had said.Don’t make a big deal out of it and it won’t be a big deal.The advice sounded simple enough, even if it was a little hard to wrap his head around it.
Because it was a very big deal. Olivia was a very big deal. And the fact he was falling in love with her was a very, very big deal.
* * *
Public speaking wasn’t one of Olivia’s favorite parts of her job. She didn’t mind standing in an office, speaking to a group of employees about the changes she was going to help them implement. But having a stage and a microphone always triggered the butterflies in her stomach.
It was good promotion, and she’d never left a conference without at least one new name in her list of professional contacts turning into a new business opportunity. And, thanks to her current book, buzz about her upcoming book—which was suffering thanks to her personal life, dammit—the podcast and her general positioning as an expert on the topic, they paid her a nice fee.
The stomach butterflies usually calmed down once she really got rolling, and today’s workshop was her favorite kind. These weren’t CEOs with skyline views from their desks or tech developers. The conference was for small businesses and entrepreneurs, which meant she could focus on the basics of productivity and working efficiently without spending a fortune on high-tech software suites. She loved those, too, of course, but this was where she felt she made the most difference.
After her workshop and Q&A, they broke for lunch and Olivia found herself sitting with several people who’d started their own businesses and were in various stages of expanding beyond their home offices. She ate her salad while listening to the parents around the table swap stories of changing diapers while talking to a client via headset and a naked toddler streaking across the background of a video conference.
She couldn’t imagine the chaos and she was in awe of the fact these people had managed to build their businesses to this point while living and workinginthat chaos.
“How do you do it?” she finally asked the woman closest to her. “Juggle your business with having three kids, I mean.”
The woman looked surprised for a moment—maybe because Olivia was supposed to be the expert at the table—and then laughed. “I gave up sleep.”
Olivia knew the woman was exaggerating, though probably not by a lot. It had been a common thread throughout many of the conversations she had, and it made her nervous because sleep was vital to productivity. And it seemed like, to feel as if they were giving everything they could to their businessandtheir families, a lot of parents compromised by sacrificing self-care. Sleep. Leisure time. Social lives. Their senses of self.
It wasn’t sustainable, so it wasn’t a compromise Olivia saw herself being willing or able to make. That was one of the reasons children weren’t a part of her plan until she’d built her business to the point she could take a step back. Not too much, because shewasthe business. But there was always new tech and new systems, as well as updates, so once she had enough big corporate clients, she could go into maintenance mode instead of hustling for new clients. She’d have more time to focus on writing. And children.
After lunch, Olivia mingled for a while. She had a list of things to accomplish at the conference besides her workshop—people she wanted to meet and some industry news she wanted to learn—and once she’d checked them all off, she retired to her room.
Then she changed into yoga pants, opened her laptop, and tried to spend more time writing than she did glancing at the clock, counting down the hours until Derek might call. He’d asked her schedule and when she’d told him she planned to hole up in her room and get some writing done, he’d said he wouldn’t disturb her because he knew he’d already thrown her off her schedule.
He had, but she’d still told him it was okay. He’d insisted she needed to make use of the time because he intended to distract her more when she got home. She was looking forward to that, but in the meantime, she missed hearing his voice.
She decided to compromise and call him when room service brought her dinner. While she usually avoided it at all costs, she knew Derek wouldn’t mind if she ate her dinner while talking to him. And neither of them would have to feel guilty about her lost work time because she didn’t eat in front of her manuscript.
She hit his number and it rang three times before it was answered. “Hello?”
Olivia’s mind blanked for a second at the little girl’s voice, but she recovered quickly. “Hi, Julia. It’s Olivia.”
“It’s Olivia,” the girl echoed, very loudly as if yelling across the entire apartment. “My dad has his head in the cabinet and he told me to get his phone.”
“I told you to bring me my phone, not answer it,” she heard Derek tell his daughter.
“Why does your dad have his head in a cabinet?” she asked, seeing an opportunity to talk to Julia even if it was only for a brief time. Every little bit would probably help.
“We have a leak in the sink and Dad says that the plumber the landlord uses is a—”
“Julia Marie,” Olivia heard Derek yell, which made her laugh.
Julia giggled, too, and for a few seconds, Olivia got to share in her amusement. It was nice, she thought. Maybe it was a small thing, but this was Derek’s life—hisreal,everyday life—and being a part of it, even over the phone, made her feel closer to him.
“Your dad can call me back later if he wants,” she said. “After he gets his head out of the cabinet.”
