“So, no. You haven’t told her you love her.”
Aidan picked at the label of his soda bottle with his thumbnail. “Why make it harder? I’m pretty sure she’s in love with me, but she doesn’t think she can be happy with me. Don’t you think me telling her I love her will just make it worse for her?”
“So what? She’s leaving you. How about what’s worse foryou?”
“I probably deserve it. If I was capable of being who she wants me to be, I could keep her. So that’s on me.”
“And who does she want you to be?”
Aidan hesitated for a few seconds. This had to be painful for Tommy because even though a lot of the blame could be placed on her ex-husband, Tommy had to know being his daughter played a substantial role in how she felt about it. “She wants me to be somebody who’s not a firefighter.”
Tommy nodded slowly, considering his words. “And that’s not something you’re capable of?”
The words threw him for a loop. How could Tommy Kincaid, of all people, suggest it was that easy? “I...don’t know”
“Have you thought about it?”
“Maybe. A little. But when I was eleven, you told me that being born to take charge in emergencies and to save lives is a special thing and not everybody’s got it. If I throw it away, how do I live with that?”
Tommy gave him a long, hard look. “I’ve been around the block a few times, son, and the real question is how will you live with letting Lydia go? If you really love her and you let her go for the job, you’re going to start hating what you do. You’ll get bitter and you’ll start resenting it. Maybe you’ll start having some hard liquor shots between those beers or, God forbid, getting hooked on something worse to get through the days.”
“You’re the worst Ghost of Christmas Future ever,” Aidan mumbled.
“The bottom line is that to take care of others, you gotta take care of you first.” Tommy breathed in deeply through his nose, his lips pressed together for a few seconds. “You know what I live with, son? I get to live the rest of my life knowing the only reason my wife didn’t divorce me is because she found out she was dying.”
Aidan didn’t know what to say. Tommy never talked about his wife. He knew that was true, though, because Scotty had told him about it.
“And now I got two daughters struggling with loving firefighters and you know whose fault that is? Mine. If I’d raised them better and found a better balance or whatever, maybe it wouldn’t be so hard for them.”
Tommy stood, pointing a finger at Aidan. “I’m telling you right now, son, you do whatyouneed to do. If being a firefighter means that much to you, then leave her alone and let her go back to New Hampshire. Make it as clean a cut as possible. But if Lydia’s what you want, you need to make a decision and be okay with it. You don’t owe anybody anything.”
Aidan stood and extended his hand. “Thanks for the talk. And for not telling me to leave her alone just because I’m no good for her.”
Tommy took his hand and, instead of shaking it, pulled him in for a quick hug. “You’ll never hear me tell you you’re no good. I love you, son, and whatever decision you make isn’t going to change that. I’m proud of you.”
Tears clogged Aidan’s throat, so he only nodded and lifted a hand as Tommy walked out of his apartment. He slowly sank back onto the kitchen chair, and then he pulled out his phone.
Definitely not a text message, he thought. He tapped on Scotty’s name and listened to the phone ring.
“What happened?”
Aidan frowned, and then realized it had been a very long time since he’d heard Scotty’s voice on the phone. They communicated almost entirely by text, with the occasional email. “Nothing’s wrong. I was just wondering if you’re busy.”
“Not really.”
“I could use some company. Your dad stopped by.”
“He did? That’s surprising.”
Aidan agreed. “Yeah. And he said some stuff.”
“That’snotsurprising.”
“I could use an ear. Somebody to talk to you, you know? And for me, that person is you, but I should tell you up front it’s about Lydia.”
“I can be there in twenty minutes. You got beer?”
“Yeah.” A sharp sense of relief made him almost breathless for a few seconds. “I appreciate it.”
